Post # 1
Ok Bees, I have read countless etiquette posts on here but I’m still confused/torn.
I had originally planned on ONLY sending invites to the people who I actually wanted to attend our sort of small, around 75 guests wedding.
I am originally from California, but moved to Texas when I was 10. I have some family in California, New York, and Utah that I don’t expect to attend the wedding.
My Nana and Mom both think I should still send invites. Now, my cousin who lives in Utah just sent my Nana an Announcement. It had all of the wedding info, and where they were registered. She’s never met her, but it is my Nana’s brother’s grandaughter. My Nana won’t be attending her wedding but she is sending a check.
I don’t NEED gifts. I have registered pretty much because they told me to, but I won’t be having a bridal shower (all of my attendants are long-distance friends).
Now, my Nana and Mother are basically saying I should send invites because people will send gifts. I’m not ASKING for presents, before anyone has an ettiquette seizure, but I do know that I have several aunts and uncles who won’t attend but they will want to send a present.
I’m just bleh. Wedding planning is stressful and I don’t enjoy it to be honest. lol I don’t even have a dress (or anything, really) and the wedding is in April. Ugh!
And, the final question: Do I include registry info since I’m not having a Bridal shower?
Post # 3
Sorry, I don’t understand. Do you WANT them to come to the wedding? We invited everyone who we wanted to come, regardless of whether we anticipated that they’d be able to make it. Most of the people who we thought would not come actually did. SO don’t invite people who you don’t want there and do invite people who you do want there because they may surprise you and come.
Post # 4
Also, definitely do not include registry information on your invitations. It’s usually seen as impolite.
Post # 5
Only invite those that you want to come. Regardless of what you think their RSVP will be issuing an invite means that they may come. They might see the wedding as a good opportunity to see the family.
Post # 6
- Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort
Only invite those you would want there if they decide to come. People can surprise you. You had better be prepared to accommodate every single person you invite.
Do not include any gift/registry info on invitations or announcements.
Announcement go out after the wedding and announce that the couple has wed.
Post # 7
I think you should send out invitations to all of your relatives. They will like that you thought of them. And even if they don’t come and they do want to send you a gift, don’t make a big deal out of it because they are being polite and congratulating you. Also, one of the weddings I went to, on their invitations (they had a separate piece of paper to their formal invite) they had a website address to their wedding website. If you have a website or anything like that, you can just add a link to your registry list. But, don’t send out registry info on the formal invitation because then it just looks bad. I hope this helps!
Post # 8
Thanks for the replies.
It’s not that I don’t want them to come by any means! I just know they wont. 🙂 My Uncle (who is awesome) has four kids that he homeschools and won’t be able to make it to my April wedding due to it being just plain expensive to travel with a family of 6 to Texas from California. My great uncle by marriage probably won’t come because my aunt passed a few years ago and he remarried, which caused a bit of a rift… then there’s a bunch of family I was never super close to but my Mom and Nana think they should get invitations even tho we are sure they won’t come because we havent seen or heard from them in about ten years…. kind of one of those things where Grandma keeps us up to date on the second cousins but we don’t really talk.
I honestly feel like my Mom and Nana just want me to get stuff. My Nana pretty much said “your cousin is getting $100 from me, you better get the same from my brother.” :-/ Maybe I should forgo the registry idea completely. Or just leave it up but not really spread the word.
@redheadem: I’d love for them to come, but I don’t see them making the trip halfway across the country for the wedding of a cousin they haven’t seen in 10 years. lol
Post # 9
I would definitely send an invite to all the relatives. Sometimes a relative’s feelings get hurt if they are not invited, even though you haven’t seen the person in 10 years. It is up to them if they chose to send a gift. Do not include your registy on the invitations, but as other bees have said, you can have an insert with your wedding website, which will have your registry information on it.
Post # 10
I wouldn’t send an invite unless you know for sure they wouldn’t come (unless you do want them there).
You said your cousin sent an announcement, that’s different than an invitation. You can send announcements to family who are not invited but I don’t think you’re supposed to enclose registry information.
Post # 11
You’re asking about courtesy invitations I think – people who will not fly, but you want to let them know you’re thinking of them. Don’t list to the greedy mom and gram who are thinking of gifts.
Frankly, I’m not into courtesy invitations. Invite those you really want there. That’s going to be your guest list. You don’t want to invite more than your actual venue will seat beacuse you know they aren’t coming. That can get you in trouble should they eventually come! It just makes guest counting more cumbersome – guests 1-100 can fly, but guests 101-150 don’t fly, yadda yadda…
After you are married, if you wanted to do an annoucement to let great aunt Sue know you’re married, you can do that. Annoucements are not gift soliciting mailings, just FYIs like birth annoucements.
As the PPs, never mention any registry info on any mailings. Let people ask you and let the word get spread around if you are registered or saving up for XYZ.
Post # 12
@icetea: Unless you are a Utah Mormon. I saw her mention California and Utah and invitations/annoucements interchangably, so this came to mind. Mormons have their own unique wedding culture. Then all reception invitations are called wedding annoucements for some reason. They consist of a photo of the couple (engagement photo) almost always and do not require an RSVP. People send out like 500 of them.
So if SoonToBeMrsRiley this is the kind of wedding culture you are familiar with, then this advise usually means for standard US weddings.
Post # 13
Only send invitations to the people you want to actually attend the wedding. i didn’t vote.
Post # 14
@sienna76: clever girl, SHE is a Utah Mormon. lol She will have about 500 people at her wedding because her dad is a big dude at the church or something like that. I however, am not particularly religious and definitely not Mormon.
@sienna76: I think courtesy invitations sounds more like what I’m thinking 🙂 But I don’t want guest list issues, I’ll probably send announcements later.
Thanks for the help everyone!
Post # 15
@SoonToBeMrsRiley: I’m glad you figured something out!
Your mom was a Utah Mormon? I can see where they are coming from now!
Post # 16
@sienna76: lol no my Mom isn’t, the cousin is. I kind of think that they are comparing my wedding to hers tho? Like since my Nana got this “announcement” they think I’m supposed to do that to. I believe it is a very different culture tho because hers has no RSVP spot even, and apparently at HER Mom’s wedding the reception was pretty much a receiving line of 500 people.
I cannot IMAGINE standing there hugging people for that long hahah I need room to breathe!