Post # 1
so last night on good old facebook i found out this girl, who is really not a very nice girl most of the time, just got engaged. and i immediately thought to myself that i must be doing something ridiculously wrong for her to get an engagement ring before me.
well then i came home and told boyfriend my theory and asked him what in the world i could possibly be doing wrong for this sort of situation to happen and all he did was smile at me and told me to relax. when i said no im serious, whats going on? he just chuckled and said baby, relax.
what in the world does that mean? is he finding my waiting humorous or did he act like that because he knows something i dont know, like, possibly a proposal in the near future?
advice appreciated to help me decipher his relax statement please.
Post # 3
@katydiddle:Maybe he was not interested in having the conversation.
Post # 4
He probably finds the theory that you don’t have a ring on your finger yet because you are doing something wrong ludicrous and surely plans on proposing, so he told you to chill. Makes sense to me!
Post # 5
Ugh. My DH had this awful habit of saying “relax” whenever something upset me, relationship related or not. I hated it & asked him to stop, which he has. He even does it with the dog.
I hated it because it made me feel so not validated for my feelings. I still cringe when I think about it. I think he meant it to be reassuring, but it was infuriating.
Post # 6
My SO says “Calm down” – that sounds worse that relax. LOL!
Maybe he’s saying “relax” because you too are getting a ring soon.
Friend of mine just got engaged – but she totally deserved it and I’m so happy for her BUT I did feel the twinge of jealousy. Especially when I found out it was a 3.5 carot diamond. A blue diamond. I mean really…..
I’d settle for 2/3 of a carot for my little hands.
but – she totally deserves everything that’s happening to her.
Post # 7
Do you HATE it? It sounds so patronizing to me when they do that!
Post # 8
Good things happen to bad people all the time.
What does “relax” mean? Easy translation: “Lay off the ring talk because I’m tired of it.”
Laugh if you will, but I’ll say something like “That entryway hall really needs to be repainted” and DH will say “Relax.” meaning “I know it does and it’ll get done eventually, so stop telling me about it.”
Post # 9
@katydiddle: It sounds to me like it could be really frustrating to have some be dismissive of your feelings like that. Like someone saying “You’re cute when you’re mad.”
If thats a regular thing, you could talk to him about it.
For this particular situation, I agree with previous posters that he probably didn’t want to have that conversation right then, and maybe thought you were worked up about something that was unnecessary to be.
(And stop comparing yourself to others, girl! I’m sure you are a wonderful and fascinating person, and hopefully if you really think about it you wouldn’t trade your life for hers any day of the week. Just because someone hit a milestone before you, doesn’t mean that you won’t get there someday, or that hitting it earlier is necessarily better for you. I’m not trying to invalidate your feelings, trust me, I’m guilty of this sometimes too- especially when others get pregnant and I want to be, but your life is going to be full of joy and wonderful, and if it all came at once you wouldn’t get to enjoy every minute of it fully)
Post # 10
Ahhhh, you summed it up perfectly–how that “relax” thing my DH did made me feel!
Post # 11
Ugh, I HATE it when my FI tells me to “relax.” It’s so condescending and dismissive! I’d usually respond with “and why, exactly, should I relax?” He’ll usually just stare at me like a deer in headlights and quietly slink out of the room. 😀
Post # 12
My SO has a habit of doing this to me too. Drives me batshit crazy!
He’s probably chuckling inside a bit because he knows that you’re just being a bit ridiculous (which I’m very guilty of doing myself). Unfortunately, guys don’t go into much detail, so although he’s probably thinking “relax, you’re doing nothing wrong. She’ll probably end up divorced in a few months anyways”, we only hear the “relax” part of it. I swear I’ve read somewhere that for every 7 words or something a woman says, a man says one.
I’m not going to go on to say that he’s probably planning a proposal, because there’s nothing worse than hyping up an already “waiting” girl’s brain (don’t even breathe the word proposal around me!), but I will tell you to be jealous, but only just for a moment. And then relish in the fact that she may have the ring, but you have the long-lasting relationship based on trust and love that she may not.
Post # 13
When I watch Bridezilla I say to myself all the time what do guys see in these women? Everyone’s relationship is different and you will never understand the dynamics of someone else’s relationship.
Your guy was probably saying relax because he didn’t see the connection with said girl on FB and you not being engaged. Seriously why get upset over FB, just relax. He seems like a sane guy. Would you rather he said, I know she doesn’t even deserve to be engaged??
Post # 14
@BanditGirl: I’d be really tempted to wait until he wanted me to cook dinner or something and reply “relax.”
Post # 15
@7mom: Your guy was probably saying relax because he didn’t see the connection with said girl on FB and you not being engaged. Seriously why get upset over FB, just relax.
Telling someone to “just relax” in a vent about being told to “relax” is far from helpful.
Post # 16
Sounds like he has it all under control and maybe your getting a pretty ring soon!!!
I too get the “Relax baby” followed up by the “breathe baby” makes me more annoyed so he’s working on it.