Post # 1
I was raised in an orthodox Jewish houselhold, but haven’t been a practicing Jew for years, and my partner is agnostic. Even though I’m not religious, I’m struggling with the idea that I wont have a Jewish wedding. How do any of you mixed faith couples out there compromise on this?
(We have already had discussions on religion in our home and how to raise our children if we have any. I will still be able to practice as I want in our home, without expecting him to convert or anything like that)
The ceremony itself is something we still have to decide on, so any advice or ideas out there please?
Post # 3
What is it that you’ll miss if you don’t have the Jewish wedding? Is it the decor, the wording of the ceremony, or is it something else?
Personally, I’m not a fan of people having a religious ceremony when it’s not something they actually plan on carrying through with in the marriage, or that they’ll at least be practicing in their own life if it’s just one person. But, if this is that important to you, I suggest identifying what part of the Jewish wedding you want — the decor, the wording for the ceremony, certain dances, etc. — and seeing if your fiancée would be ok with that specific thing being done.
Post # 4
I see Judaism as more than a religious belief – but also as a culture. I think it would be fun to have certain elements from Jewish ceremonies in your own. It doesn’t have to be overly religious. How does your partner feel about that?
Post # 5
@unco: I’m Catholic and FIs Wiccan. We’ll be having a reading from the bible, a secular reading, the vows and ring exchange, the lazo and aras, and a handfasting. I’m also wanting to walk a labyrinth as well, or do a winebox ceremony as FI and I homebrew. Basically, we’re taking a nonreligious, blank slate wedding ceremony and adding parts of our beliefs in as we like. We’re doing what we can to keep it even, too. 2 readings, the lazo and handfasting are together, aras and winebox/maze, then the vows and rings are part of both.
We’ll be having a convalidation ceremony afterwards as well to make it valid in the church.
I don’t know much about Jewish weddings, but maybe have the arch, break the glass, a reading from scripture, then add in some secular elements for your FI?
Post # 6
You could think about having a Reform rabbi or cantor perform the wedding. Or even about incorporating Jewish traditions into a wedding with a secular officiant. For example, there is no reason you couldn’t have a chuppah or break the glass, even in a secular ceremony.
Post # 7
Post # 8
So many of the Jewish rituals are more cultural than religious. It’s very easy to incorporate them! My husband is Jewish culturally, but secular/agnostic in practice. We still had a chuppah, broke the glass, and danced the horah. I’ve seen a lot of interfaith couples sign ketubahs, as well, though we didn’t do that.
Post # 9
@Rhopalocera: Its a cultural thing….for me Judaism is culture even if I don’t hold with all the religion…I still believe in god and the ceremony still appeals to, I’m just no longer what we would call ‘frum’…still want a chuppah I guess
Post # 10
Thank you all for the advice and links! I’m going to get my chuppah and kiddush!
Post # 11
@unco: I see. You only mentioned faith, so that’s what I responded to. I figured you would have been able to easily come up with a solution if this wasn’t about the religious aspect.
If you had mentioned culture, my answer would have been “Pick what you like, see if your fiancée is ok with it, then include it”.