(Closed) Religious differences?

posted 7 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
2788 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

Yes.  I am Jewish (not practicing) and my FI is technically Catholic (his family is) but he is mostly agnostic.  We don’t have children yet, but we will be raising them Jewish.  I’m sure we’ll experience difficulties between the two of us, but I know we are going to experience difficulties with his extended family (read: grandparents) who are religious.

Post # 4
Member
5118 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@MapleBecky: We’ve had various discussion on this, but just today, out of the blue, Mr.ND was like ‘I think agnostic fits me best.’ It’s timely for me that you posted this. I’m Lutheran, and while I don’t attend church frequently right now, I’m pretty spiritual. We do well together, though, and it hasn’t caused much for any issues or disagreements as long as we discuss our personal beliefs in a way that is respectful of the other’s.

I’m glad to see that it’s working out well for others, and that both people in the relationship seem open to raising their children in one parent’s religion if that works out for them.

Post # 5
Member
767 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

I was brought up Lutheran and became agnostic.  My FI was broke up athesist.  I think we only run into problems alot.  But I would have LOVED to get married in a church (which wasn’t an option), and I know when we have kids I’d like them othave some religion which may be a topic for discussion.  Overall, I just feel like our views on religion are very different which affect some ways that we view things, but besides that its ok.   

Post # 6
Member
706 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I’m agnostic, and my FI is Christian.  He’s a fairly liberal one, though, and so we’ve had very few problems about the role of religion in our relationship.  We’ve had many discussions regarding the role of religion in our future children’s lives, and we are very much on the same page despite our fundamental belief differences.  I know that challenges will arise with his family about our choices, but we are on the same page.

Post # 7
Member
448 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2014 - Ranch

I actually just broke up with my BF about 40 minutes ago over religion. I have been lurking around here and participating at times because I have been with this man for a little over 7 years and I had very good reason to believe he was proposing soon. About a month ago I found out that he had bought the ring and I began to disect our relationship and getting cold feet before he even asked. I always thought this was the man I wanted to marry, but then the religion subject popped into my head.

I was raised in a very Catholic home. My parents are very involved in our church, always have been and I love it. I have always invisioned myself raising my children the same way my parents raised us. My BF’s family claims to be Catholic, but they have NEVER been involved. They want nothing to do with actually participating in events or even regular Sunday mass. I totally respect the views of others, but could I marry someone who is not willing to try to get closer to God? Is this the example I want for my children? Nope. I had a talk with him last week and asked him to please not propose because I wasn’t sure. It broke his heart, and he promised he would change, but he has had so many chances and he knows how important it is to me.  We’ve had problems over this many times and I just reached my boiling point when he refused to attend an event with me. I get he doesn’t like church, but couldn’t he do it for me? If he were atheist or a totally different religion I can understand, but he says to be Catholic, so what is his excuse?

Today I finally told him that I just couldn’t do it. He can believe and do what he wants, but I cannot bring myself to settling for it. My heart is broken, I just threw 7 years of our lives away, but I know I did the right thing.

Post # 8
Member
2195 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

@rachaelrobin: This is us too. I told him from really early on in our relationship that regardless of who I marry, my children will be Jewish. I have no problem with going to his family’s house for Christmas, Easter, etc, but they will not be “half-Catholic”.  At our wedding we will have a Justice of the Peace, but will get married under a Chupah and he wants to break a glass at the end (just because he thinks it’s cool lol).

 

@CaliRorter: This can definitely be a deal breaker. After about 2 years into our relationship we had to sit down and have a real conversation about our religious future. Neither of us are particularly religious, but have a lot of family traditions. We had to come to some decisions, but in reality if he was not ok with his children being Jewish, then I was not ok with being with him. You did the right thing and maybe he will come around. Otherwise, you’re probably better off! Good luck, girl! You can do it!

Post # 9
Member
2008 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

We’re in a similar boat.  J is a (liberal) Christian and I’m well, probably atheistic if I get up the guts to admit it.  He always knew I had problems with organized religion but assumed I was agnostic, I did as well.  Once I started to realize I’m not sure I even have that it was rather scary for him.  We haven’t hashed it all out yet but for the most part it doesn’t cause any problems for us.  I don’t have a problem going to church as long as I can agree with most of the message and really appreciate the sense of community.  As for kids, I’m sure it will take some doing but that we’ll be able to strike the right balance. 

Post # 10
Member
2894 posts
Sugar bee

I’m Catholic, he’s Jewish. The plus: we’re both non-practicing and I don’t mind if our kids grow up Jewish so religious differences have never been an issue.

Post # 11
Member
1854 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

I’m Christian, and he’s agnostic. I was not brought up in a Christian home, my parents discovered their faith when I was already an adult, and in their first years, they tried to shove their beliefs down my throat. I did not like this.

DH and I have different beliefs, it works for us. Of course, it would be easier for me if he was a Christian as well, but I see no point of arguing over that because it won’t make it better. All I can do is keep my faith and pray that as I get closer to God, so will he.

I have a very strong faith now, but I believe that the reason for it is that I made that choice by myself after being presented with all options, not because of how I was brought up or how my parents wanted me to believe.

So even if I do wish that our children will be Christians, we will educate them with Christian values upon which we agree (love, respect, forgiveness, honesty, etc.). However, when it comes to God, they will know that some people believe one way, some another way, mommy thinks that way and daddy that way, but that all can live together, love each other and respect different beliefs. They will find it in their hearts to believe in God or not, by themselves. I want our children to have a real faith, not just believe what anyone will tell them (including me).

 

Post # 12
Member
328 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I would consider myself Agnostic and my FI Christian. We do have issues from time to time. A while ago we talked about how to raise our children and I told him I had no problem raising them Christain, but that I probably wouldn’t be. I told him I would probably pretend for our children’s sake and then he got all upset and told me that he is afraid that we when die, he and the children will go to heaven and I won’t (???) That got me pretty emotional, to say the least. We haven’t talked about it much after that.

Post # 13
Member
448 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2014 - Ranch

@pinkandsparkly: Thank you very much! I really appreciate it. We also spoke a lot about it and he always promised that he would make an effort to show me and assure me that our children would have a good example when it came to our religion, but he has had many years to prove it and he has not done so in the least. I also believe I made the right decision, I hope. Thank you for your good wishes.

Post # 14
Member
1124 posts
Bumble bee

Yup. I’ve said this many times before on the Bee, but FH is LDS and I am not religious at all. We’ve discussed how we would raise any kids and we do still have some issues every once in awhile. Sometimes I feel like his faith doesn’t think I’m “good enough” because I’m not a member. It’s hard for me to keep my mouth shut about some things he believes. We try to be as respectful as we can.

Post # 15
Member
2788 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

@pinkandsparkly: We had a very similar conversation when we started getting serious.  It helps that we’ve had many, many shabbat dinners and celebrated the holidays with my family so he is much more fluent in and knowledgable about the religion.   

Post # 16
Member
2195 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

@rachaelrobin: He has sat through MANY Shabbats, Passover Seders, Rosh Hashana dinners, and so on, so he’s been involved for sure. In fact, I think my Bubbie really enjoys having someone to teach all of the traditions.

 

We have started talking about our wedding vows (which we will write ourselves) and I think we have decided to mix together a traditional Irish vow, with the traditional Jewish vow (ani l’dodi, v’dodi li). Neither part is religious, no mention of God, just about love and devotion. I think it’s important to honor both of our famiies traditions, but not overshadow either.

The topic ‘Religious differences?’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors