Weddingbee boards

background: he's catholic. i was raised methodist. we decided to get married in the catholic church we attend together & are members of. There has been a lot of paperwork for not only us but our parents as well, and the priest in charge of marriages told us he will only talk to us via email until we attend pre-cana, which isn't until Feb '08 (our wedding is in June '08). We told this to a priest who is a friend of my Fiances family & he said that priests dont want to get too close to interfaith couples and his suggestion was for me to convert.

In addition, the archdiocese rules are very strict: no aisle flowers, aisle runners, or anything outside the church that will land on the ground. no unity candles, no "here comes the bride" and only their musicians can play. the church fee is also $1000 more than what our catholic family members are quoting as "normal".

has anyone else gone through anything similar?  it's very frustrating.

Hmmm... that sounds odd to me.  I'm not Catholic, but Mr. Radish is and we had a Catholic wedding.  Being inter-faith wasn't that big of a deal to any priest that we talked to.  The only problems we got from any priests was that we lived together before marriage.

We never talked to our priest in person until after pre-cana and it was no problem.  It might just be that there isn't really much to worry about until after that point and a lot of people don't complete pre-cana so maybe they wait until after that to know that you're serious.

We only met with our priest once in person before the wedding  Though we did have to meet with our priest in Chicago (who did our paperwork and took our witness afadavits) once too.

As far as the aisle runner, pew decor, etc... our church said that we weren't allowed to do certain things in the pamphlet they gave us, but then our priest told us that it wasn't really strictly enforced.

The music part sounds normal.  I don't think you can play "here comes the bride" at any Catholic ceremony.  It has to be religious music only.  But don't worry about that, there are plenty of beautiful songs that are considered religious. Pachabell, Mozart, Bach, Purcell, Shubert, etc.  I walked down the ailse to the Trumpet Voluntay by Purcell.  And I think it's also customary that you have to use their musicians.  In a way, that might work out to be better because they know the acoustics in that particular church and how everything will sound.

We only paid a $150 fee for our church and another $100 for the organist.  I don't know why it would need to be much more than that unless it's a REALLY popular church to be married in.

OH -- and no one ever told me that I had to convert.  The Catholic church does interfaith weddings all the time.  And converting is a really long process that you should only do if you really believe in the Catholic faith and want to be a part of it. 

What Archdiocese is this church in?  Maybe you should call the AD office and ask to speak to someone and see if they have any advice for you or recommendations on churches that may not mind doing an interfaith marriage.

this sounds odd to me as well.  i'm catholic and am pretty knowledgeable about all of the church standards and restrictions.  it sounds like your parish is operating under pre-vatican II rules.  i can't believe someone actually told you that the priest doesn't want to get close to interfaith couples.  and that he's pressuring you to convert.  that's kind of unheard of at this point in time.  what archdiocese are you in?  perhaps, it's your particular church that is super strict.  if that's the case, you might consider joining another parish.  they don't really like you "shopping" around for churches, but if that church is not a good fit for you, then you have perfectly good reason to try another.

and you're not allowed to play "here comes the bride" because, like radish said, music during the nuptial mass should be religious in tone.  there has to be some sort of basis in God.  i don't think it has anything to do with wagner's anti-semitism.  although, there is flexibility around some songs... i've heard the song "we've only just begun" played during a ceremony. 

oh and that fee is astronomical for a catholic church.  is it like a huge cathedral or something? 

good luck.. please don't take this church as an example of all catholic churches and silly "rules".  we're really not that very different, esp. from the methodist tradition.  my dad was methodist and mom is catholic.  i've been raised catholic but have attended methodist services before.  some catholic churches seriously hang on to old rules, but others have been more flexible.  i do hope that you find one that better suits your relationship needs.  :)

thanks for the advice. i want to clarify that the priest friend we talked to said i should go to RCIA classes (which is what you do when you want to convert) but he did not actually tell me to convert.

as for the church, it is in the philadelphia archdiocese and it's actually a small older church.  the parish is very active & open minded on most things which is why we like it. The decoration & music issues are really not a big deal since the organ will sound nice playing anything, we are not having a full mass, and we decided to have a family-friend priest take our vows to make it more personal ceremony.