(Closed) religious issues

posted 10 years ago in Catholic
Post # 3
Member
151 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2007

I am Catholic and this sounds very odd to me.

I was under the impression that there wasn’t a "fee" as much as the family made a donation to the church.  
I will ask my mom tomorrow.  She works for the Diocese and would know.  
I actually chose to not have a Catholic wedding because I really wanted to get married outside.  I plan on getting married by a judge, and then having the wedding validated by the church.

Post # 4
Member
64 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2007

I’m Catholic as well and it sounds as though your church in particular is just very strict. I ran into a similar situation with my church, but the priest was very nice and met with us quite early in our engagement. We are from out of state and our church down here is much more lax than the church we are getting married in. I’m not quite sure about the priest that said that other preists don’t want to get too close to interfaith couples…that doesn’t seem right, especially in this day in age. You certainly don’t need to convert to get married in the Catholic church.

In regards to the other strict things such as flowers, music, etc, you just have a very strict (and seemingly "old school") church. The church I’m getting married in is similar, and there reasoning is this: the wedding ceremony is a mass. It’s not a time for individual preferences, etc. It’s a time for religious tradition. I’m not allowed to have any music that is not spiritual. I’m having a friend sing during the ceremony, but the organist takes care of the rest of the music. The organist has a set fee of $150, and the church requires a donation of $100.

We are, however, having a unity candle ceremony, and I just recently asked my priest about the Catholic view on this…because my fiance and I had read that the Catholic church doesn’t really want to recognize the unity candle. He said he’s never heard anything like that before and that he doesn’t know of any type of "ban" on the unity candle.

It sounds to me that if your church is too strict for your liking, you might want to look into joining another church. You’ve got plenty of time to hit some masses elsewhere and get to know some other priests. It’s a special day and you want to feel comfortable. I will say, however, that if you want to get married in a Catholic church and have a traditional catholic ceremony, you will probably run into some of the same issues. I had some beef with the strict policy regarding music (Why can’t I come in to "Here Comes the Bride??? It’s my wedding!!) but once I sat down with the priest and the organist I realized that I was putting my wants (and the ideas that have been engrained in my from movies and non-Catholic weddings, etc) before the real meaning of a wedding ceremony. Once I began to think of it the way the Catholic church thinks of it, I really began to appreciate the rules that they had set up. I don’t know what your church looks like, but mine is huge with big cathedral ceilings…and as my fiance and I sat in the choir loft during our meeting with the organist, I was overcome with excitement as I heard the organ fire up and fill the church with Purcell’s "Trumpet Voluntary," which is what will be played for the processional. It was awesome.

Sorry for the book! Hope at least some of it was useful for you! Good luck…

Post # 5
Member
38 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2009

Weazie–It’s my understanding that Roman Catholic churches don’t allow "Here Comes the Bride" because it was written by Wagner who was a staunch anti-Semite. I’m not *sure* if that’s why, but it is true about the anti-Semitism. Check it out: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wagner#Controversies

Post # 6
Member
158 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2007 - The Wellington House in Fayetteville, NY

Hmmm… that sounds odd to me.  I’m not Catholic, but Mr. Radish is and we had a Catholic wedding.  Being inter-faith wasn’t that big of a deal to any priest that we talked to.  The only problems we got from any priests was that we lived together before marriage.

We never talked to our priest in person until after pre-cana and it was no problem.  It might just be that there isn’t really much to worry about until after that point and a lot of people don’t complete pre-cana so maybe they wait until after that to know that you’re serious.

We only met with our priest once in person before the wedding  Though we did have to meet with our priest in Chicago (who did our paperwork and took our witness afadavits) once too.

As far as the aisle runner, pew decor, etc… our church said that we weren’t allowed to do certain things in the pamphlet they gave us, but then our priest told us that it wasn’t really strictly enforced.

The music part sounds normal.  I don’t think you can play "here comes the bride" at any Catholic ceremony.  It has to be religious music only.  But don’t worry about that, there are plenty of beautiful songs that are considered religious. Pachabell, Mozart, Bach, Purcell, Shubert, etc.  I walked down the ailse to the Trumpet Voluntay by Purcell.  And I think it’s also customary that you have to use their musicians.  In a way, that might work out to be better because they know the acoustics in that particular church and how everything will sound.

We only paid a $150 fee for our church and another $100 for the organist.  I don’t know why it would need to be much more than that unless it’s a REALLY popular church to be married in.

OH — and no one ever told me that I had to convert.  The Catholic church does interfaith weddings all the time.  And converting is a really long process that you should only do if you really believe in the Catholic faith and want to be a part of it. 

What Archdiocese is this church in?  Maybe you should call the AD office and ask to speak to someone and see if they have any advice for you or recommendations on churches that may not mind doing an interfaith marriage.

Post # 7
Member
114 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2007

this sounds odd to me as well.  i’m catholic and am pretty knowledgeable about all of the church standards and restrictions.  it sounds like your parish is operating under pre-vatican II rules.  i can’t believe someone actually told you that the priest doesn’t want to get close to interfaith couples.  and that he’s pressuring you to convert.  that’s kind of unheard of at this point in time.  what archdiocese are you in?  perhaps, it’s your particular church that is super strict.  if that’s the case, you might consider joining another parish.  they don’t really like you "shopping" around for churches, but if that church is not a good fit for you, then you have perfectly good reason to try another.

and you’re not allowed to play "here comes the bride" because, like radish said, music during the nuptial mass should be religious in tone.  there has to be some sort of basis in God.  i don’t think it has anything to do with wagner’s anti-semitism.  although, there is flexibility around some songs… i’ve heard the song "we’ve only just begun" played during a ceremony. 

oh and that fee is astronomical for a catholic church.  is it like a huge cathedral or something? 

good luck.. please don’t take this church as an example of all catholic churches and silly "rules".  we’re really not that very different, esp. from the methodist tradition.  my dad was methodist and mom is catholic.  i’ve been raised catholic but have attended methodist services before.  some catholic churches seriously hang on to old rules, but others have been more flexible.  i do hope that you find one that better suits your relationship needs.  🙂

Post # 9
Member
7 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2008

You don’t have to attend RICA meetings unless you’re curious about Catholicisim or you’re thinking about converting. 

Our church doesn’t let us use aisle runners either and no flower petals on the floor.  I think most Catholic churches are like that.  I have never heard of any Catholic churches not letting you play "Here comes the bride".  

Each church has their own rules though.  Mine for instance, only allow weddings on Saturdays, while other churches allow weddings on Fridays and Sundays.  It all depends on the pastor.

Good luck with everything… 

 

Post # 10
Member
6 posts
Newbee

<span style=”font-size: 7.5pt; font-family: Verdana”>When I went to Pre-Cana some 30 years ago my pastor explained that both the Bridal Chorus from Lohengrin (Here comes the Bride) and Mendelson’s  Wedding March from a Midsummer’s Night Dream were unacceptable because the first selection was a from an opera where the plot centered around a marriage that was doomed to fail.  <span style=”font-size: 7.5pt; font-family: Verdana”>Mendelson’s Wedding March from a Midsummer’s Night Dream was from an opera which depicted farcical wedding between a fairy and an ass. <span style=”font-size: 7.5pt; font-family: Verdana”>So context is very important because your marriage service is a Worship service.  The Church offers this sacred opportunity to join with family and friends in dedicating the couple’s marriage to God, the author of all love.<span style=”font-size: 7.5pt; font-family: Verdana”>The marriage ceremony is not a private ceremony, but rather a public ritual. It is celebrated in the community prayer space (the church building, not outdoors) and encourages those who have gathered not only to witness the vows of the couple, but also to participate fully in the liturgy.<span style=”font-size: 7.5pt; font-family: Verdana”>You need to make an appointment with the music director in your parish to select music that is appropriate. The director can give you lists of music selections that you can use for the different parts of the service.

<span style=”font-size: 7.5pt; font-family: Verdana”>As far as the decorations etc – my mom worked for a number of year’s with a group of ladies who volunteered to clean their church. The churches policy was that birdseed, rice, and slippery spilled bubble soap pose a personal injury risk.

<span style=”font-size: 7.5pt; font-family: Verdana”>The folks coming to 5 PM Saturday Mass after your 3 PM wedding could slip and fall on these items. <span style=”font-size: 7.5pt; font-family: Verdana”>Also – there were always problems with cleanup between the wedding and the next worship service. Lots of times the people who promised to have the clean up job done between services never materialized.

<span style=”font-size: 7.5pt; font-family: Verdana”>The pew bows, aisle runner etc. all need to be removed by someone. That is why some churches have these policies.

Post # 11
Member
6 posts
Newbee

<span style=”font-size: 7.5pt; font-family: Verdana”>When I went to Pre-Cana some 30 years ago my pastor explained that both the Bridal Chorus from Lohengrin (Here comes the Bride) and Mendelson’s  Wedding March from a Midsummer’s Night Dream were unacceptable because the first selection was a from an opera where the plot centered around a marriage that was doomed to fail.  <span style=”font-size: 7.5pt; font-family: Verdana”>Mendelson’s Wedding March from a Midsummer’s Night Dream was from an opera which depicted farcical wedding between a fairy and an ass. <span style=”font-size: 7.5pt; font-family: Verdana”>So context is very important because your marriage service is a Worship service.  The Church offers this sacred opportunity to join with family and friends in dedicating the couple’s marriage to God, the author of all love.<span style=”font-size: 7.5pt; font-family: Verdana”>The marriage ceremony is not a private ceremony, but rather a public ritual. It is celebrated in the community prayer space (the church building, not outdoors) and encourages those who have gathered not only to witness the vows of the couple, but also to participate fully in the liturgy.<span style=”font-size: 7.5pt; font-family: Verdana”>You need to make an appointment with the music director in your parish to select music that is appropriate. The director can give you lists of music selections that you can use for the different parts of the service.

<span style=”font-size: 7.5pt; font-family: Verdana”>As far as the decorations etc – my mom worked for a number of year’s with a group of ladies who volunteered to clean their church. The churches policy was that birdseed, rice, and slippery spilled bubble soap pose a personal injury risk.

<span style=”font-size: 7.5pt; font-family: Verdana”>The folks coming to 5 PM Saturday Mass after your 3 PM wedding could slip and fall on these items. <span style=”font-size: 7.5pt; font-family: Verdana”>Also – there were always problems with cleanup between the wedding and the next worship service. Lots of times the people who promised to have the clean up job done between services never materialized.

<span style=”font-size: 7.5pt; font-family: Verdana”>The pew bows, aisle runner etc. all need to be removed by someone. That is why some churches have these policies.

Post # 12
Member
5 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2007

 I went through a similar situation being in an interfaith relationship.

I resolved the conflict by having the ceremony and reception in a mutual location .I had  my wedding at a resort in Florida.And it was beautiful ,  everyone was happy.

 I’m not a Catholic or a Methodist.However I do know that, it is more stress involoved when your trying to make everyone happy.This is supposed to be your day .The only thing that matters is ,God brought you two together .I think you should talk to a close friend and brainstorm on other arrangements.

 

The topic ‘religious issues’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors