Reminder To Those That Have Not RSVPd

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
5460 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

Wait until they are past due.  Then maybe wait a few days more to let those who didn’t even put it in the mailbox until the due date to trickle in.

Post # 4
9137 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

@Ms Tee-Off:  I sent private messages to my guests and only a few responded.  There were around 10 people at my wedding that didn’t RSVP at all.  It’s annoying but it goes with the territory.  I ordered a little extra food for just in case and got into a mindset that if there weren’t enough seats and someone said something, I would point out that they didn’t RSVP so how was I supposed to know they needed a chair?  Thankfully, I ended up with an extra table (or two) and it wasn’t a problem.

Post # 5
11668 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@Ms Tee-Off:  Wait until they’re a week late.  There’s no point in giving people a deadline if you expect them to turn them in beforehand.  

Post # 6
11614 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Yes, it’s rude to approach people before the deadline.  You set the deadline, so it’s inappropriate to go to them and ask them, “well, are you coming?”.  Wait until at least a week after the deadline before you start bugging people.

Post # 7
11772 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

Yep, I agree–wait until they’re actually late!

Post # 8
56 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

Wait until a couple days after to actually send them a message. However, I put as my FB status a few days before the due date: “I love receiving RSVP’s! Each one brings a smile to my face. *hint hint* :)” This was just a subtle reminder for those who completely forgot or had other things on their mind 🙂

Post # 9
895 posts
Busy bee

I’m going through the same thing our deadline is in 3 weeks and we have less than half of our RSVPs, I haven’t recieved any in a week and it’s making me nervous! I only have a week buffer to call people who didn’t RSVP before I have to give my number and table assignments to our venue. AHHHH I can’t wait for this to be over!


Post # 10
957 posts
Busy bee

Would you be sending that as a private message to people, or just posting it on a wedding website or something?

If it’s a general message for anyone to see, I think it’s fine. If you’re personally contacting individual people with this message, I would just wait. 

I know it’s annoying when people don’t RSVP. I couldn’t help but wonder about the people who’d been married before… They’ve been in this situation. Why are they making me track them down?

We didn’t get official RSVP’s from about 10 people. Just FIL’s words “They’re probably aren’t coming”. He wouldn’t call them for us, or give us they’re phone numbers. He thought it was rude. 

If they show up, FIL can deal with it. 

Post # 11
32 posts
  • Wedding: December 2014

I don’t think its rude, I think its rude for people not to send an rsvp actually… I think its inconsiderate, but it does happen. Most times, Ive seen brides just plan for 10-20 extra guests.  However, assumming you took into account that some rsvps will be late arriving, you should wait until they have past the due date, and then remind them that if they do plan on attending, an rsvp will be needed. Im having a destination wedding (nothing too far, just 4 hours away) however, we are providing hotel accomedations and transportation so for me, RSVP’s are absolutely required. 

Post # 12
22124 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2011

I personally wouldn’t send out reminders before the deadline because no one is technically late yet. I’ve been issued “reminders” in the past and it was frustrating because it was still a week or two from the deadline and I felt like I was being chided even though I wasn’t even remotely late with my RSVP.

You’ll get TONS in on the days leading up to your deadline. I’d give people a chance to send them in on time and then maybe send out a friendly reminder after the deadline’s passed. 🙂

Post # 13
7654 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

It’s annoying when people don’t RSVP, and I know you probably want less people to call once the date passes, but it would be in slightly poor taste to ask people to turn in their RSVPs before the deadline. I would just wait (because a lot of people wait until the day of to send them back) and then start contacting them.

Post # 15
3217 posts
Sugar bee

@Ms Tee-Off:  Of course it is rude. 

You picked the date.  You are accusing them of being rude (by being rude yourself) by not sending it in.  Yet they are still being perfectly polite and responding by the deadline you selected.

Being polite means expecting the best of people.  To accuse them of otherwise is always impolite. 


Post # 16
3217 posts
Sugar bee

@Lala1234I don’t think its rude, I think its rude for people not to send an rsvp actually… I think its inconsiderate, but it does happen

But the deadline hasn’t even passed.  They haven’t done anything impolite yet.  How is in inconsiderate to send in your reply by the deadline selected by the host?

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