(Closed) Removing family from wedding???

posted 6 years ago in Family
  • poll: Should I remove them from my wedding?
    Yes Remove her son off the guest list : (22 votes)
    46 %
    Yes Remove her daughter from wedding party : (18 votes)
    38 %
    No don't remove her son from guest list : (3 votes)
    6 %
    No don't remove her daughter from wedding party : (5 votes)
    10 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    5428 posts
    Bee Keeper

    It’s too bad they’re like that, but I would not want them in my wedding, nor in my life!

    Post # 4
    Member
    1798 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: August 2011

    @tbarton:  I think you should hold off on making any decisions now. You have a lot of time before the wedding and these relationships can change a lot during that time. Teenagers are not known for being rational or well behaved, so hopefully they will both grow up a bit in the next year. Also, realize that if their mom repairs her relationship with her kids and you refuse to have them at/in the wedding, it will damage your relationship with her.

    Not to excuse her son’s behavior, because he really was out of control. But you reacted very childishly to his comment, which escalated the situation. It’s not easy, but the best way to deal with kids and teens is not to let them get under your skin and to stay calm when they are going out of control

    Post # 5
    Member
    558 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2013

    @tbarton: I was moving those 2 liars out of anything concerning my wedding. I wud be afraid they will remain and try to ruin ur day with spreading more lies.

    If you want to patch things up later fine. But I wasnt keeping them in my wedding plans.

    Post # 6
    Member
    399 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    It seems to me that both could be acting out due to their parents break up. I would suggest getting everyone together and talking it out. I’m sure this will mean alot to your Aunty. Hope it all works out for everyone.

    Post # 7
    Member
    778 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    Give it time, and take your Aunt’s wishes and feelings into consideration. Teenage boys, especially if they’re dealing with their parents’ divorce and a new living situation, tend to be angry and irrational and don’t think things through. And responding to him by stooping to his level and swearing back at him wasn’t exactly model behavior on your part. You and your FI really need to be the adults in this situation. See how you feel in six months.

    Post # 8
    Member
    7771 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: July 2010

    I would hold off for now and see if things get better.

    Post # 9
    Member
    674 posts
    Busy bee

    There’s a part of me that agrees with the previous posters who suggest waiting. On the other hand, at 16 and 20, these two are old enough to understand that there are consequences to actions. When you get violent, punch holes in a house then try to attack another person, it shouldn’t be news to a 16-year-old that such behavior will alienate people in his life. Fortunately, as a guest, you don’t have to worry about him for quite a while. If he can manage to start acting his age without managing physical violence against people and things around him when he gets upset, then perhaps he can prove that he’ll be a perfectly pleasant wedding guest.

    For the girl, she’s an adult. It really depends on the issues surrounding these lies you mention for my perspective. Regardless, if you are going to “fire” her as a BM, then I suggest that you let her know that you are aware of the lies she tells behind your back, her family knows she is being dishonest, and that you and your FI don’t feel that it would be appropriate to include someone in the bridal party who is intentionally trying to hurt you. I do think that if you feel it is time to kick her out of the wedding party, then you need to be 100% sure. It will only cause drama if you have that talk and then invite her back in a few months later because she seems to be behaving herself.

    Post # 10
    Member
    5993 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: May 2010

    he is an angry 16yr boy whose family is falling apart. at this time in his life he needs stability and guidance and hes most probably feels he has no one and his life is out of control – i wouldnt uninvite him unless his behaviour gets worse

    So I step in telling him don’t talk to your mother like that etc etc.

    to be honest, although i understand your relationship means you are close (im close to my nephews) i think you have overstepped your boundries here. i know you didnt mean to but you are not his mother and sometime kids need to calm down before they can hear someone tell them there are better ways for them to deal with a situation (been there with 5 nephews).  goodluck. teenage years can suck but they do come out the other side good people, you just have to outwait the sucky times and hope they do nothing too stupid in the meantime – i would talk to him about the damage and how he is going to repair it

    Post # 11
    Member
    3302 posts
    Sugar bee

    Remove them both

    Post # 13
    Member
    342 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    Remove them. Unless she is totally against it, since you two are so close. Otherwise, it’s your day and your money. No need to have drama and abusive people there.

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