Post # 1
Two years ago me and my aunt became roommates after she left her cheating husband. To say me and her are close is a understatement. She had a huge role in raising me and during this planning time of my wedding where my mom hasn’t really been there she had no problem stepping in.
About 14 months ago her kids move in with us (when she left their father they decided to live with him). Her son is 16 and her daughter 20. Easter morning I was woke up by her and the kids yelling at each other, which has become the norm at our place. So I go down stairs to calm the situation and her son tells her “just because your my mom doesn’t mean I have to kiss your a**”. So I step in telling him don’t talk to your mother like that etc etc. Oh yea the whole thing started because she ask him and his sister to clean up their mess. After that my aunt tells him to get out and calls his grandma (on his daddy side) to get him. When she get there she tell him she is not arguing anymore with him and to go upstairs and get his clothes. He goes up there and punches two holes in the wall. Which suck because now my aunt won’t get the deposit back that she was using toward the house she is buying when our lease is up. She tells him to just get out. He is in the hall telling his grandma no one cares for him and I said everybody cares about you if they didn’t you wouldn’t have such a nice life. He tell me “F*ck You”. So I say you know what f you. And rushes toward me and tries to attack me. His grandma, sister and his my aunt boyfriend all hold him down. So I yell get out. Well he starts lying on me saying I said all this crap about my aunt. And I found out his sister lied on me also. She happens to be a bridesmaid in my wedding. My aunt didn’t believe them because both are proven liers.
Well my FI wants her son off the guest list. FI lives in another state and it did not sit well with him that a man attempted to put his hands on me (cousin or not). He also wants me to move in with him now. We were waiting until we married. Also I feel really strongly about removing my aunts daughter out of my wedding party. I really can’t stand someone lying on me and the fact that it was my own cousin I am very hurt. This could have affected my relationship with my aunt had she believed them.
Should I remove her son from the guest list?
Should I remove her daughter from the wedding party?
You can vote on multiple choices
Post # 3
It’s too bad they’re like that, but I would not want them in my wedding, nor in my life!
Post # 4
@tbarton: I think you should hold off on making any decisions now. You have a lot of time before the wedding and these relationships can change a lot during that time. Teenagers are not known for being rational or well behaved, so hopefully they will both grow up a bit in the next year. Also, realize that if their mom repairs her relationship with her kids and you refuse to have them at/in the wedding, it will damage your relationship with her.
Not to excuse her son’s behavior, because he really was out of control. But you reacted very childishly to his comment, which escalated the situation. It’s not easy, but the best way to deal with kids and teens is not to let them get under your skin and to stay calm when they are going out of control
Post # 5
@tbarton: I was moving those 2 liars out of anything concerning my wedding. I wud be afraid they will remain and try to ruin ur day with spreading more lies.
If you want to patch things up later fine. But I wasnt keeping them in my wedding plans.
Post # 6
It seems to me that both could be acting out due to their parents break up. I would suggest getting everyone together and talking it out. I’m sure this will mean alot to your Aunty. Hope it all works out for everyone.
Post # 7
Give it time, and take your Aunt’s wishes and feelings into consideration. Teenage boys, especially if they’re dealing with their parents’ divorce and a new living situation, tend to be angry and irrational and don’t think things through. And responding to him by stooping to his level and swearing back at him wasn’t exactly model behavior on your part. You and your FI really need to be the adults in this situation. See how you feel in six months.
Post # 8
I would hold off for now and see if things get better.
Post # 9
There’s a part of me that agrees with the previous posters who suggest waiting. On the other hand, at 16 and 20, these two are old enough to understand that there are consequences to actions. When you get violent, punch holes in a house then try to attack another person, it shouldn’t be news to a 16-year-old that such behavior will alienate people in his life. Fortunately, as a guest, you don’t have to worry about him for quite a while. If he can manage to start acting his age without managing physical violence against people and things around him when he gets upset, then perhaps he can prove that he’ll be a perfectly pleasant wedding guest.
For the girl, she’s an adult. It really depends on the issues surrounding these lies you mention for my perspective. Regardless, if you are going to “fire” her as a BM, then I suggest that you let her know that you are aware of the lies she tells behind your back, her family knows she is being dishonest, and that you and your FI don’t feel that it would be appropriate to include someone in the bridal party who is intentionally trying to hurt you. I do think that if you feel it is time to kick her out of the wedding party, then you need to be 100% sure. It will only cause drama if you have that talk and then invite her back in a few months later because she seems to be behaving herself.
Post # 10
he is an angry 16yr boy whose family is falling apart. at this time in his life he needs stability and guidance and hes most probably feels he has no one and his life is out of control – i wouldnt uninvite him unless his behaviour gets worse
So I step in telling him don’t talk to your mother like that etc etc.
to be honest, although i understand your relationship means you are close (im close to my nephews) i think you have overstepped your boundries here. i know you didnt mean to but you are not his mother and sometime kids need to calm down before they can hear someone tell them there are better ways for them to deal with a situation (been there with 5 nephews). goodluck. teenage years can suck but they do come out the other side good people, you just have to outwait the sucky times and hope they do nothing too stupid in the meantime – i would talk to him about the damage and how he is going to repair it
Post # 12
Yes I realize I should not have sweared at him. As for me making it worst I disagree he had already cursed his mom out, ran up in her face and punched holes in the wall and his mom had already called the cops on him. He has been acting like this well before his parents marriage fell apart. But he has never had to face consequences. And as for over stepping my boundries my aunt didn’t feel like I did and it’s her child. Now I’m don’t think my fiancé is being childish he is being protective. I have been abused he is aware of my past so he is not ok with a lot of things. And he is my cousin, not my nephew. My aunt asked for help from the state so I’m not sure when he will be back home but FI doesn’t want me there when he does come back.
Post # 13
Remove them. Unless she is totally against it, since you two are so close. Otherwise, it’s your day and your money. No need to have drama and abusive people there.