Post # 1
I couldn’t believe my eyes!
From the Social Q’s column in the New York Times:
“I am marrying in June. I have four bridesmaids, and two of them have just told me they’re pregnant and their due dates are within days of my wedding. I’m happy for both of them, though disappointed that my bachelorette party will probably not be a screaming good time. I am also worried that they won’t make it to the wedding or help with the planning. How should I approach this? I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings.
Lead with happiness for the mothers-to-be: “What terrific news!” Because it is, right? Then, segue to your parochial interests: “But if your baby comes on your due date, you won’t be able to attend my wedding. Why don’t I find a replacement bridesmaid now? And if you can still travel on my wedding day, you will be our special guest.”
Hard to imagine anyone’s taking offense at that.” (emphasis mine)
Post # 3
Wow. I kind of want to punch that columnist.
Post # 4
Wow. I think that’s a really rude way to go about it.
Post # 5
It seems like the columnist seems to approach the bridesmaid situatation as a bride having a certain number of slots to fill. I never understood that.
Post # 6
Yeah, that would really go over well with newly-hormonal moms-to-be, yeesh! Terrible idea! When my girlfriend called to tell me their good news, I let her address the issue. She is too far away and due too close to travel, so it was her idea to bow out.
Ask them about ordering the dress in a different size or if they still think they’d be up to it. Telling them ‘Why don’t I find a replacement” is going to go over like a lead baloon!
Post # 7
I have to say – I don’t think this is absurd. She’s not saying “Oh my gosh, they’re going to make my pictures look so bad!!!” She’s saying that they’re due within days of her wedding, and I’m guessing she’s worrying about ending up not having bridesmaids at all. If I found out I was pregnant and due within days of a friend’s wedding, I’d offer to bow out – because if their babies deliver on time, they won’t be able to come.
Post # 8
I emailed the columnist my opinion. Once you ask someone to be a bridesmaid, short of her setting the house on fire or sleeping with the groom, you just can’t take it back!!!
A better thing to do would be to put a chair on stage if she can make it, and if she can’t, she’ll be there in spirit. For heaven’s sake – is matching sides really that important??
Post # 9
Wow! I would leave it up to the Bridesmaid or Best Man whether she wanted to back out or not – it’s not like she’s just some random – geez! She’s (hopefully) someone the bride is close to and cares about!
Post # 10
I didn’t expect my bridesmaids to do any “work” for me. what an insult.
I never did get the “I want to fire my pregnant bridesmaid” attitude. are you that worried that she will gain weight? are you worried that she can’t attend and therefore your wedding party will be “uneven”? seems like your friendsip should rise above such shallow concerns.
I can understand if the bridesmaid is due really close to the wedding and you don’t want her to go in labor AT the altar. but that’s just about the only reason why I might ask somebody to not be a bridesmaid.
Post # 11
I think the BRIDESMAID should be the one to decide if she wants to step down or if she feels she will not be able to perform her duties. These girls can be looking forward to sharing the day with them and being in their wedding. The baby can arrive early or late…you can never tell with these things. Regardless, she is pregnant, but there are nicer ways of going about it…
WAIT did you guys read the rest of this: And don’t be so sure about that “screaming” bachelorette party, either. Perhaps you could schedule it for one of the women’s actual due dates — and persuade her to forgo an epidural?
I know it’s your wedding and it’s your day but telling a soon to be MOTHER to forgo an epidural or schedule it when the baby is due…sorry but not all pregnancies work like clock work and also, regardless if the women were pregnant..bachelorette parties don’t have to be all about being drunken and belligerent….
Post # 12
@ashleyyyg: I would take that suggestion (the screaming part) as tongue-in-cheek.. but I totally agree with your first point.
Post # 13
- Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast
Yeah, that’s pretty much rotten advice.
Post # 14
I am not getting this.
The bridesmaids may not make the wedding, which is the main point, due to their due date. A bridesmaids stand up for you while you are getting married. If there is a chance that they can’t stand up at the wedding, then they shouldn’t be bridesmaids. (I think its an aside the whole bachlorette piece)
I bet the columnist would have had other advice if the due date was 2 months after the wedding date.
Post # 15
@atalante: I seriously hope so!
Post # 16
What a dumbass. She should have a talk with the BMs. How do they feel, do they want to step back? Because they might be dumping money into dresses/hotel/tickets that they are not able to use. If they want to go ahead with it, it should be their choice.