Post # 1
I’ve posted here and there at The Bee about the current state of my relationship with my brother and SIL (who, by the way, had a gorgeous baby boy last month! Yay!). Things have not improved, and after spending the last month or so constantly upset, crying, completely mad, FH and I have decided that we no longer want my brother to be our Emcee.
Really, to be honest, when we asked him I was full of hope that he would use this opportunity to step up and be part of our wedding – looking back, I realize this was a dumb move. Our wedding was not going to bring my brother and I closer. If anything, it’s pushed us apart further (for a lot of reasons, but I won’t really get into that now).
After having a total breakdown at my mother’s yesterday about how upset and disappointed I am at this whole situation, FH and I decided that really, we’d rather have our DJ do it, then feel like my brother was doing it out of obligation rather than genuine desire to support us and be part of our day.
My heart is broken about this, and really about my relationship with my brother. This wasn’t an easy decision, but I wanted to share with everyone here because I know I’m not alone in having a difficult family situation. I don’t have any real advice, except for anyone who is thinking of asking that difficult family member to play a part in their day – perhaps think twice. I would have loved to avoided this painful experience.
Post # 3
Aaaah Hon, (( HUGS )) to you…
It sucks when things we “wish for” cannot be an reality when it comes to Family…
Especially when it is something like a Wedding which is such a “significant” family event
It does sound tho like YOU’VE GOT THIS… with a decent back up plan
So that is a relief
Hang in there… altho the Wedding itself is important… in reality… it is just one day out of your whole life with your Sweetie
And the Ceremony is waaay more important… particularly the part where JUST THE 2 OF YOU will exchange your Vows
In the end that is all that matters (and the largest portion of what you’ll remember, look back on for the next many decades)
This too shall pass.
Post # 4
@chercee: yes, it sucks. sib relationships are so hard. about 1-2 years back my sis and i didn’t speak for over a year (we are very close so this was crazy). I thought it might have been the end, but from rock bottom the only place to go is up! since that has healed up our relationship has been a lot lot lot better than it was then and leading up to then. really i think the fall out was necessary to reset what was going on with us, as it is truly so much better now. so just wanted to say there is hope! even the shittiest of sibling scenario can come around again. i’m sorry the timing isn’t working for your wedding, but there is hope for the future. since you’ve tried what you can now, let this time with him pass and focus on the positives in your life now- like your FI and your wedding! as you’re saying yourself, you can’t force it w the brother. it might be time to take your focus off it now and let some time pass, and things could be a lot better down the road.
Post # 5
Thank you for your supportive replies!
@This Time Round: You’re right! I’m going to just focus on the amazing day FH and I have planned. This is one day that bro is not going to make about him. Even though I feel bad about replacing him, he brought it on himself and I really should not be beating myself up about it. This is about FH and I and the start of our marriage, and that should be the centre point!
@chillinchillin: I’m so sorry to hear about you and your sis having a falling out, but it gives me hope that you have moved on to patch things up. I’d love to have a good relationship with him, and who knows what the future holds. Right now, I’m just taking some time for me. I don’t feel like, with two weeks to go until the wedding, I should be expending energy on someone who just doesn’t seem to want to be part of it.
I will admit – there’s a part of me that is afraid that replacing him will make things worse, like more awkward or something, but in reality, things are already awkward, strained, and unhealthy. There’s another part of me (is it the petty part?) that hopes he will take some kind of lesson from this, like that no, not everything in the world is about you, and it’s not ok to behave like this. That’s maybe less than healthy, but it irks me to no end that he just doesn’t see it. Maybe a bit of a social spanking will do him some good. Or it will alienate us further – though these days, I’m not sure what that would even mean.
Post # 6
@chercee: my not speaking to my sister was honestly in part to teach her a lesson, the lesson of i won’t stand for this. whatever it was, it worked.
Post # 7
@chillinchillin: Thanks – I hope something like that will happen for bro and I. I think, when he finds out he is being replaced (this evening) he will be hurt, and the thought of that makes me sad, but I’m also just ready for this to be over. If it hurts him, really he’s got no one to blame but himself. It breaks my heart, but I feel like I just need to stand up for myself and take control back from him. He doesn’t get to be part of the wedding just because we’re related. There should be more to it than that.