Post # 1
Help please! I am a teacher who spent two years at a school interning, student teaching, and then subbing. I grew very close with my cooperating teacher (the teacher who supervised me while I was student teaching and ‘lent’ me her classroom). She became a mentor figure, and now that I have moved across the country and have started teaching on my own she is always there to respond to any questions I email, and has said multiple times that while she has had many student teachers over her years, none were like me. We have a great professional relationship, and I feel so lucky to have had such a great student teaching experience with her.
When I came back to visit a few months ago, I shared with her the great news of my engagement- and she was thrilled! You would’ve thought her daughter had gotten engaged. She has been very supportive of me and my FI, especially when we made the choice to move across the country last year due to his job.
In the excitement of celebrating my engagement, she mentioned that I should let her know where and when the ceremony was taking place (she knows I am Catholic and would be having a Catholic ceremony). She expressedly stated she did not expect to be invited to the reception, but she would love to come to our ceremony and celebrate the moment with us.
In conclusion: I would love to have her at my ceremony! However, I would feel awkward inviting her to only the ceremony, and not the reception. Due to my extremely large family, (Italian AND parents divorced and remarried, so step family galore) we are trying very hard to cut down our list and already have a B list of friends and extended family. There really isn’t room in our budget, and she would not know anyone else there.
So what should I do? Invite her to the ceremony like she requested? She’s not being rude, she said it out of pure excitement and I would love to have her there since she lives close to the location. Or does etiquette say I have to invite her to the reception? She’s not married, so a plus one would probably be a friend (maybe a fellow teacher), but I did not intend on inviting anyone else from that school. If I invite her, I might feel obligated to invite a few other people I was close with (younger teachers) and still see occasionally.
I have plenty of time, but just wanted the opinions of others!
Post # 3
Hi! I would invite her to the reception also. When she said “Only invite me to the ceremony”, she was really being polite and wonderful, but to invite her there, and not the reception, would just be odd. If she is getting ready and traveling to the church, she cares for you, and should be invited to the party, as well.
Post # 4
@RedRose1979: Thanks for the quick response! I know I should invite her…just wanted to check with other Bees and see what everyone thinks. My guest list is massive already, and we’ve already had to move some extended family and friends to a B list.
Post # 5
I would wait and put her on the B list. I would invite her to the ceremony informally, and then send her a formal invite as soon as someone RSVPs no.
Post # 6
Although, if she is not going to know anyone, and won’t have a +1, maybe she would actually prefer to just come to the ceremony?
Post # 7
Traditionally, the ceremony in a church is open to anyone who wishes to attend and the congregation of that church. I know that has changed in recent years. If she wants to come to the ceremony I don’t see anything wrong with that. I’ve been invited to the church portion only before and I was never offended. Really – the church IS the wedding and that’s what it’s all about.
Post # 8
I would invite her to the ceremony and tell her she can come to the reception if there’s room – she sounds like she’d understand
Post # 9
I’d invite her to the reception too – it is so touching that she has been supportive of you all along, personally and professionally. That’s a wonderful story!!
Post # 10
I would feel really bad if I asked you for a ceremony invite (which would be what I meant–I understand space and finances may be limited but would love to support you) and then you invited me to the reception.
If my student teacher got married (I am a mentor teacher too) I would love to be able to be there for her ceremony but if she invited me to her reception I would be really concerned that she felt like she had to since I used to be her boss and that I was inconveniencing you and forcing it. I wouldn’t feel weird at all just coming to the ceremony exactly as I asked to.
Post # 11
@KatieScarlett: I would invite her to the reception without a plus one. It’s more thoughtful to invite her to both the ceremony and reception. My guess is she has attended events alone before if she is single and will be fine. If she in uncomfortable coming alone for any reason, she will RSVP no to the reception.
Post # 12
I live in a very Catholic area and it’s not uncommon for someone to only go to the ceremony if they weren’t invited to the reception. If she’s older, I’m sure she gets that not everyone can be invited to a wedding. I’ve actually been surprised to be invited to some weddings.
Post # 13
I think if you can possible find the room, it would be nice to invite her to reception as well.
However I do think there are occasions where it’s ok for a ceremony-only invite. I know of a few times where my family have known other families for years but for budget etc, have been welcomed to come to the ceremony.
I think as long as everyone is clear about what the invite is for, it’s ok. I was at a wedding recently where some guests who had a ceremony-only invite rocked up to the reception. Luckily there was a spot to squeeze them in!
Post # 14
@KatieScarlett: Don’t invite her to the reception! As one poster pointed out, this is common for a Catholic wedding. Some people get ceremony invites (to the point that sometimes the wedding is open to the entire parish), and others get ceremony + reception. I’ve gone just to ceremonies before, and I loved it! She is NOT hinting at a reception invite.
Post # 15
You sound very close, so I would invite her to the both the ceremony and the reception if you truly want her there. I don’t think you should feel obligated to invite others because you’re inviting her- you have known her for longer and have a special relationship due to your student teaching experience together.
Post # 16
My personal opinion is that if you invite her to the ceremony, you have to invite her to the reception as well…even if she doesn’t go. If you think she might end up wanting to go to the reception, i would put her on the B list and send an invite if you have the space…but I feel like you shouldn’t invite her ONLY to the ceremony.