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Requiring Attendance?

posted 4 years ago in Beehive
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    Bumble bee
    Sweeney2Be    Aug 23, 2008   Twin Cities Minnesota

    Is it ok to require my brides maid to attend my shower? It's a bit untraditional and they arn't throwing it, but one is helping with it.

    I am having 2 (moms throwing them) and I considered allowing them to attened one or the other, but I don't really want to do that now because one will be stuffy and uptight family members who have no fun at all....and I wanted my girls with me at the "fun" one..... 

     
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    Blushing bee
    angiepangie    angiepangie   Philadelphia

    I think it might be going a little to far to "require" your BMs to attend a particular shower.  Unless you have already cleared the day with all of them, there is a very good chance that they have plans for the day of the shower.  Also, it could be nice to have some of your girls at the less fun shower so that you have backup.

    I had to miss the shower of a friend that I was a BM for because of other things that I could not get out of.  So for some reason or another, I missed both of her showers and she understood under the circumstances (I had been out of the country for 2 months so I missed the first one and the second one was 4 days after I got back and I just couldn't bear to get on another plane so soon).

     
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    Blushing bee
    Cricket    July 26, 2008   Chicago

    I would invite all the bridesmaids to both showers and hope they can make it! It might also be nice to clarify that they don't need to bring gifts and that you would just really like their company. I'm guessing that if they get invites and are free that day, they will definitely come!

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    loves-a-limey    October, 2008   Ohio

    Have mom contact the BMs and ask them for help setting up on the day of the shower - the one that you really want them at.  That way, they know they're important and they're wanted.

     

    I'm pretty sure that you don't get to require anything.  Except that Mr. S. shows up on the day of the wedding.  Everything else that you require requires a contract. Requiring Attendance? :  wedding bridal shower Icon Biggrin

     
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    Worker bee
    musingsfromhere    12 July 2008   Canada

    I'm not sure that you can "require" your maids to attend--I suppose, but that seems a bit odd.

    Maybe you can explain the situation to them--'look, I know it might be hard for you to go to both showers, but I'd really like it if you could come to the one on [date]"

    If they are not local (I'm thinking of two examples where the MOH lived in another country), it might not be fair to "require" them to go to either (e.g., my sister will be in Asia (I think) during a shower someone is throwing me--she will probably be invited, but I have already told her that I certainly don't expect her to come!)

    Hope that makes sense! 

     
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    Helper bee
    babagrlshell    04/05/08   St Augustine, FL

    Nope. Let me tell you- my MOH nor my mother made it to my shower. Making it a requirement means you require their presence--- meaning they do not "want" to be there--- but they should want to... now if we're talking about your sister here... Oh just let her stay home! LOL!

     
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    Blushing bee
    Christine       Connecticut

    Ha - that's so funny because I'm in the exact same situation!!  I would never tell my girls that they have to come to one or the other.  I told them all that they'll be invited to both, but that it's up to them (and their schedules) if they come to one, both or none.  I also told them that I would really like them to be at my Mom's house, but won't be offended if they can't be.  I would just tell them exactly what you told us!!

     
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    Newbee
    S    May 23, 2008   Northeastern PA

    How exactly are you going to make sure they are there?  I mean, say someone has to be somewhere...are you going to physically drag them to the shower?  I had 2 showers too, one that my mom threw and one the groom's mom threw.  All but one of my bridesmaids came to the one the groom's mom had, which was full of stuffy not fun people.  Only 3 (of 7)were able to come to the "fun" one my mom had.  We still had a really good time and it was less stressful trying to keep 3 people happy than 6.  I say ask, don't require-if they are able to come they will probably come-they are your bridesmaids after all.

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    Sugar bee
    suzanno    7/12/08   Richland, WA

    I also think this is problematic.  You can certainly invite them, and let them know you would really like them to be there.  If you're going to "require" them to be there, I guess you would have to figure out what you're going to do if they don't show.  I mean, I have "required" training at work.  If I don't show, I'm not qualified to do my job, and probably if I didn't have a really good reason for not showing they would fire me.  Or at least dock my pay.  Since you're not paying your BMs, I guess you would have to fire them - but that's probably a little extreme.

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    1. Requiring Attendance? :  wedding bridal shower Img Oleg-Cassini-Sheath-CV226-Ivory-Ivory-.jpg (83.3 KB, 75 downloads) 2 years old
     
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    Blushing bee
    cinderellasmom    3/21/09   VA

    Seriously required or what??? they are stuck with the dress and no wedding to wear it to???   I think if they are in your wedding that would mean they are meaninful to your life and they would want to be by your side at showers etc.... so ask them, beg them but don't turn into bridezilla and send out an ultimatium.

     
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    Blushing bee
    MissBanana    March 2008   Boulder, CO

    Require?  Allow? 

    No. 

     
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    Busy bee
    ErinMarieMack    06.27.09   Denver, CO

    I am going to second Cricket's sound advice. Telling them that you would prefer their company to a gift would be very gracious and might encourage their attendance.

     

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