- 4 years ago
- Wedding: August 2014
I am so stressed out over my relationship and its effects on other aspects of my life. I will just start from the beginning.
I am younger and so is he. We have been together for years and have talked about marriage for two years now.
Last summer, my boyfriend started doing some seasonal farm work that severed most of his time with me. He started drinking snd partying and lying to me about where he was and why he couldnt see me. I would tell him I loved him and he wouldnt even act like i was speaking to him. However, maybe once a week he would call me to see him so i had some hope.
I stayed with him through this.
Last october, i found out he went to dinner with another girl. I made him a special supper that same night and he didnt show up. My friend who was a waitress at the restaurant he took this girl to and she told me about it. I confronted him about his abandonment of me over the summer and him taking this girl out and for the first time in months, he showed a deeper level emotion to me after i basically threatened to leave
So i stayed.
In november, i found out that for the entire first year of our relationship, he had cheated with multiple girls. He was also sending ang receiving inappropriate pictures to girls i thought were my friends. I left.
But he begged and I came back.
Since then, i have been feeding my subconcious…need…to make him pay for his mistakes. I have been a total b****. i have said mean things and set very high expectations for his behavior towards me. Still yet, i have discovered that he really did love me and he wasnt just using me like i thought he was before. I screamed at him and he took it in silence. He even bought me an engagement ring. However, he never asked me to marry him with it and he didnt even want to tell our families. It was basically a secret…so in may, i asked him to get me a new ring and propose if he was comfortable, which he said he was. Really, i just was tired of him wanting to be secretive about our future plans. Now, i think this was really wrong of me to think like this.
This past month, he got me the ring of my dreams and told everyone he was going to propose…except for his family. His dad has atarted telling him “You should have kept your options open” and “all your money does not need to go to planning a wedding” right in front of me. And my boyfriend says nothing about these comments. He says “ill handle it later” and we have started gettinf into huge fights because of this. I have always been nice yo his family. I babysit their youngest son sometimes, i let them borrow my car, i run their errands, i come to all their family stuff….I cant think of a single time where I disrespected them. He talks about my parents and makes snide remarks and gets annoyed when I defend them.
Now, I recently got a new job, and his mother is my boss. And I feel like if we separate, it will cause tension at work, and I need this job desperately.
He started his seasonal job again this summer, and I am on pins and needles. He comments about how I dress and has started to make remarks on how I do housework or even how I wash my car. when I asked him why he wasnt feeling good one day, he replied with “what did you do today? You went to work in an air conditioned room and typed on a conputer while I was in the hot sun.” He has been hostile to me in some moments and I am tired of it. I cant remember the last time he came home and hugged me and told me he loved me. I miss the sweet messages and him kissing me. I feel like in the last month, our constant fighting has killed all romance. And it just makes us fight more. This is supposed to be a happy time, and I am not happy with him or myself. I want to stop fighting.
I have thought about leaving him, and he knows this. Every time though, I change my mind and want to stay. I love him, and I just want us to get better.
How can I make this work on my part? What should I do? I have prayed about this and cried and I just miss him so much!