Post # 1
Hi, new to this. I’ve been with my boyfriend for almost a year. We were long distance and I just recently moved to his side of the state. We are about 40 minutes apart (in comparison to 3 hrs before) and lately I have been so resentful toward him. We are both 25 and it seems like I am always one step ahead of him.
It sounds so crazy but I’ve never felt this way about anyone before, that I could sacrifice my life back home to be with him. I have some friends out here but I feel so resentful toward him. It was like I had to convince him that I was coming out this way for the job and he was just an added bonus for him to be okay with the move. He wasn’t exactly jumping for joy.
I am also getting resentful bc he has been very wishy washy about the future. He was with his ex for 3 years and proposed on their 2 year anniversary… They were 21. She left him for someone else and now after not even a year of dating they are engaged.
a few years passed before we statted dating, but I don’t understand how I can be so ready to settle down and he is so cautious. We’ve talked about engagementa before and I understand that he wanted to take things slow. But I just feel that he has been really burned and won’t be proposing anytime soon.
its so crazy. I feel insane. I get on Facebook every day and see someone else getting engaged or having a baby and I just wonder what the hell we are wasting for. We are both stable in our lives and he has mentioned so many times that he is lucky to have me etc, but never mentions anything concrete about the future. is this normal? Shouldn’t after a year we be talking about marriage? Or am I just crazy?
its really been messing with me a lot. I’m sure this is not normal, but lile I said, I just KNOW I want to spend the rest of my life with him. Hoping to find someone else that has gone thru the same thing.
Post # 2
pal101: I’m kinda surprised you moved to be with him, but had to convince him it was a good idea. A year isn’t super long especially for a young guy.
Post # 3
I don’t think a year is super long either, considering his history. Are you happy with him? Could you just be with him if he wasn’t going to propose in the near future?
Post # 4
I could be happy withoit a proposal. I guess just knowing we are on the way within the next year would help.
now that I’m out this way, he seems a lot more relaxed and happier. We see each other obviously a lot more than we did before. And he has said this is kind of like our big next step. I’m just so ready to get to another one.
i just don’t understand how some girls have been with their boyfriends for less time and have been getting rings! I just wonder what they are doing!
Post # 5
I think that you need to evaluate your relationship and determine what is improtant to you in a relationship. I think that it’s ok to want to consider your future with your partner, but a year is just the begining of one. Most men don’t think about it until the 2 yr mark (if that), and you need to know if you push your relationship to the next level instead of letting it naturally progress you will end up with him resenting you. Just sit back and enjoy, these are the fun times. Your still getting to know each other and can enjoy some mystery and excitiment. Just enjoy.
Post # 6
I have struggled with the same thing in my relationship. I was seeing girls who’ve been with the BF’s for much less time than he and I and they are getting engaged and married before my Boyfriend or Best Friend has even proposed. I started resenting him and wondering if we were ever going to go towards marriage. I finally opened up to him and told him exactly what I want from our relationship and how I felt about seeing other people get engaged who didn’t have nearly as great of relationships as us. He gently reminded me our relationship isn’t judged off others nor should other relationships impact ours. He told me he loved me and wanted to marry me but he didn’t feel ready just yet. (He’s 28 and I’m 25). I now know he has the ring and has asked my dad’s permission to marry me; and all of that happened after our talk about what I wanted and what he needed before proposing. We’ve been together two years now and I was hoping for a proposal at the beginning of the year. It’s been a long and somewhat bumpy 6 months but our talk definitley helped because he’s had the ring for at least two months now AND talked to my dad 3 months ago.
The best advice I can give you is to talk to him and be completely honest about your needs and wants from the relationship. Allow yourself to be vulnerable but DON’T give an ultimatum; be clear about your vision. It’s fair to state your wants but you can’t expect him to propose in the near future. Make sure to hear him out too. He may have his own reasons for feeling the way he’s feeling.
Good luck! You’ve got us to talk/vent to whenever!
Post # 7
Everyone’s relationships are different, you cannot and shouldn’t compare yours to anyone elses. You’re just setting yourself up for unecessary and irrational disappointment.
I’m about to turn 31 (and my Fiance is 37) and we just got engaged in April. We’d been together for 2.5years at the point. When it’s the right time, it’ll be the right time. Just enjoy your relationship now, and don’t worry about what he did in the past or what anyone’s FB status says.
Post # 8
pal101: usually if you have to convince someone that moving to the same city is a good idea, the one that needs convincing isn’t as into it.
That said, only you two know your relationship. It hasn’t been a year yet, and part of it was distance. I’d pump the brakes hard on this because you are moving fast. In my mid 20’s, I was stable in a lot of ways but I was definitely nowhere near ready to marry. So many of my exes married their gf right after me.
It sucked. It hurt. I thought it was a reflection on me. Until I met my now Fiance, I thought something was wrong with me. I wanted to build a life with someone but they all picked the next girl. In retrospect, I was stable but if any of them had married me, they’d be along for the ride that is my life. or vice versa.
hopefully my story helps.
Post # 9
I don’t mean to be a downer but if you had to convince him that it was a good idea for you to move there, are you 100% sure that he is in this as much as you are?
25 is old enough to know if you want to get married ever, but a year is not long enough to know if the person to are with is the one you want to be married to.
Post # 10
pal101: It’s so early on in the game to be resentful! I will absolutely not be one of those people who says “a year isn’t really that long” or “just calm down, it will come if it is supposed to” because I understand the frustration when others have told me that. But I will say this…. I was 2.5 hours away from my SO for the first 6 months and then I moved in with him. I didn’t even consider getting engaged until after our year anniversary, and we had known each other and been friends for 2.5 years prior and he’s never been engaged or a super long term relationship. Now I didn’t start becoming annoyed until around the 1.5/2 year mark, we have now been together for it’ll be 3 years in November. My SO was never wishy washy but he wasn’t truly ready to marry me until close to 2.5 years of being together because honestly, some men just move slower than others… lol. It wasn’t that he questioned his love or committment, he just wasn’t comfortable with “fiance” or “marriage”.
Now my advice to you would be, since you’re just now on a year and you had to convince him you say that it was a good idea to move there, it may be wise to just do some soul searching. Not doubt the relationship or him but if the both of you aren’t in sync with your feelings and goals in the relationship, it will definitely be rocky as it is right now resulting in you being resentful. So truly dig deep and see what is most important. Is it him? Being engaged/married?
If he wants to take things slow and you don’t feel like it will be soon, it probably won’t be that’s something you have to decide though, if you’re willing to wait. Like I said, I’ve been waiting now for over a year and I’ve gone through oh so many emotions but now that the engagement is coming soon I know I waited for the right one. You have to figure that out so you can guard your heart and feelings!