Resentful! Make it stop!

posted 2 years ago in Waiting
Post # 2
Member
4828 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

pal101:  I’m kinda surprised you moved to be with him, but had to convince him it was a good idea. A year isn’t super long especially for a young guy.

Post # 3
Member
2428 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I don’t think a year is super long either, considering his history. Are you happy with him? Could you just be with him if he wasn’t going to propose in the near future?

Post # 5
Member
38 posts
Newbee

I think that you need to evaluate your relationship and determine what is improtant to you in a relationship. I think that it’s ok to want to consider your future with your partner, but a year is just the begining of one. Most men don’t think about it until the 2 yr mark (if that), and you need to know if you push your relationship to the next level instead of letting it naturally progress you will end up with him resenting you. Just sit back and enjoy, these are the fun times. Your still getting to know each other and can enjoy some mystery and excitiment. Just enjoy. 

  • This reply was modified 2 years, 4 months ago by  MandaD.
Post # 6
Member
215 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

I have struggled with the same thing in my relationship. I was seeing girls who’ve been with the BF’s for much less time than he and I and they are getting engaged and married before my BF has even proposed. I started resenting him and wondering if we were ever going to go towards marriage. I finally opened up to him and told him exactly what I want from our relationship and how I felt about seeing other people get engaged who didn’t have nearly as great of relationships as us. He gently reminded me our relationship isn’t judged off others nor should other relationships impact ours. He told me he loved me and wanted to marry me but he didn’t feel ready just yet. (He’s 28 and I’m 25). I now know he has the ring and has asked my dad’s permission to marry me; and all of that happened after our talk about what I wanted and what he needed before proposing. We’ve been together two years now and I was hoping for a proposal at the beginning of the year. It’s been a long and somewhat bumpy 6 months but our talk definitley helped because he’s had the ring for at least two months now AND talked to my dad 3 months ago. 

The best advice I can give you is to talk to him and be completely honest about your needs and wants from the relationship. Allow yourself to be vulnerable but DON’T give an ultimatum; be clear about your vision. It’s fair to state your wants but you can’t expect him to propose in the near future. Make sure to hear him out too. He may have his own reasons for feeling the way he’s feeling.

Good luck! You’ve got us to talk/vent to whenever!

Post # 7
Member
721 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

Everyone’s relationships are different, you cannot and shouldn’t compare yours to anyone elses. You’re just setting yourself up for unecessary and irrational disappointment.

I’m about to turn 31 (and my FI is 37) and we just got engaged in April. We’d been together for 2.5years at the point. When it’s the right time, it’ll be the right time. Just enjoy your relationship now, and don’t worry about what he did in the past or what anyone’s FB status says.

Post # 8
Member
2891 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

pal101: usually if you have to convince someone that moving to the same city is a good idea, the one that needs convincing isn’t as into it. 

That said, only you two know your relationship. It hasn’t been a year yet, and part of it was distance. I’d pump the brakes hard on this because you are moving fast. In my mid 20’s, I was stable in a lot of ways but I was definitely nowhere near ready to marry. So many of my exes married their gf right after me. 

It sucked. It hurt. I thought it was a reflection on me. Until I met my now FI, I thought something was wrong with me. I wanted to build a life with someone but they all picked the next girl. In retrospect, I was stable but if any of them had married me, they’d be along for the ride that is my life. or vice versa. 

hopefully my story helps. 

Post # 9
Member
3637 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

I don’t mean to be a downer but if you had to convince him that it was a good idea for you to move there, are you 100% sure that he is in this as much as you are? 

25 is old enough to know if you want to get married ever, but a year is not long enough to know if the person to are with is the one you want to be married to. 

Post # 10
Member
108 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

pal101:  It’s so early on in the game to be resentful! I will absolutely not be one of those people who says “a year isn’t really that long” or “just calm down, it will come if it is supposed to” because I understand the frustration when others have told me that. But I will say this…. I was 2.5 hours away from my SO for the first 6 months and then I moved in with him. I didn’t even consider getting engaged until after our year anniversary, and we had known each other and been friends for 2.5 years prior and he’s never been engaged or a super long term relationship. Now I didn’t start becoming annoyed until around the 1.5/2 year mark, we have now been together for it’ll be 3 years in November. My SO was never wishy washy but he wasn’t truly ready to marry me until close to 2.5 years of being together because honestly, some men just move slower than others… lol. It wasn’t that he questioned his love or committment, he just wasn’t comfortable with “fiance” or “marriage”.

Now my advice to you would be, since you’re just now on a year and you had to convince him you say that it was a good idea to move there, it may be wise to just do some soul searching. Not doubt the relationship or him but if the both of you aren’t in sync with your feelings and goals in the relationship, it will definitely be rocky as it is right now resulting in you being resentful. So truly dig deep and see what is most important. Is it him? Being engaged/married?

If he wants to take things slow and you don’t feel like it will be soon, it probably won’t be that’s something you have to decide though, if you’re willing to wait. Like I said, I’ve been waiting now for over a year and I’ve gone through oh so many emotions but now that the engagement is coming soon I know I waited for the right one. You have to figure that out so you can guard your heart and feelings!

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