(Closed) Resentment City, Population 1

posted 7 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
1267 posts
Bumble bee


Good plan!  Relax and focus on you.  Another bee put it a good way – just treat this time as you would Xmas eve.  It’s exciting that you both want the same thing and if you’re confident that he’ll eventually propose, enjoy this time just being in love.  Good luck!

Post # 4
1313 posts
Bumble bee

I have SO been there. We actually had a wedding date set for 10/16/10, but our relatioship was “new”, so we put it off…  So needless to say, the months of Sept-Oct were really rough for me and I was doing the exact same thing as you… so just know that you’re not alone!

We actually had a sit-down talk on the night of my birthday in early November and I let it all out. I opened up to him and told him why I thought I was acting the way I was — that I was resentful because he’d promised a proposal and it still hadn’t happend,  etc, etc. I told him I didn’t mean to start the fights and hurt him, it just happened. The conversation ended in me crying, but it was productive. He said he didn’t realize how much it was affecting me. I felt like a big weight was lifted off my shoulders, it was really unexpected!

Good luck on Mr. Bee’s plan,  that is SUCH a good idea 🙂 It helps, for sure. I need to get my butt back into those habits. I also totally agree with luckypricess, It’s exciting that you both want the same thing and if you’re confident that he’ll eventually propose, enjoy this time just being in love.

I need to remember that myself most of the time!! 😉

If you are still having issues in a couple of weeks, maybe consider talking to him and telling him why you think you’re acting the way you are. Hopefully that could open the lines of communication.

Post # 5
687 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

It’s awesome that youown your actions and see that you probably need to change them a little. That’s great! I agree with Mr. Bee’s plan. Do you, girl, and your SO will come around. Also, I think we forget to enjoy the pre-being engaged and married time.

Post # 6
2192 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

Good for you!! It’s never an easy thing to realize that we are doing things that maybe aren’t right. Focusing on you is the best thing to do! Like you said, He loves you and you him and he is on the same page as you.So, enjoy the time you take for yourself, you deserve it!!

Post # 7
10367 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

@phoenix718: Why haven’t you told him about the source of your frustration? If it is effecting how you are reacting to pretty much everything, it is obviously effecting your relationship. That’s not trivial, and it isn’t good to look at not talking about things that are heavily impacting your relationship as positive “emotional restraint”. If I were your Boyfriend or Best Friend, I would want to know.

While focusing on you and being whole and confident in yourself outside of your relationship is really important, so is communication within it. It’s your life and your future marriage too. You should be talking to him about this, IMO.

Post # 8
1641 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

Definitely! My best advice- find something to do! A hobby, craft, the gym, getting together with friends on a regular basis…whatever is just for you, and has nothing to do with him. It’s my exerience that men don’t like it when a woman revolves herself around her man

Post # 9
75 posts
Worker bee

Hi Phoenix,

I’m in a similar position to you at the moment.  He knows I want to get married, I’m pretty sure he does.  I’m well into Mr Bee’s plan at the moment – I had my mid-thigh length hair cut to shoulder length, started working out, started looking at moving house, (but that one fell flat because of job worries), got more into my dancing and now I’m planning a solo bicycle tour of Germany.

In the past, I’ve been frustrated, told him, and just let him steamroller over it with the “yeah but” machine.  

A few days ago, I told him I was frustrated at him dragging his heels over our future, and kicked his ‘yeah but’ machine’s butt.  And I can honestly say, having booted the emotional restraint out the window, I feel better about us.  He now knows I need some proof that he wants us to have a future together and he knows how upset it makes me that he drags me to jewellery shops to look at jewellery for him (seriously, not even a glance at the ladies jewellery!!)  I also know that when I stopped kicking him (talking about getting married etc), he thought the heat was off and I’d gone off the idea. 

Really, telling him how I feel was the best thing I’ve done in a while. 

Post # 10
222 posts
Helper bee

@phoenix718: Good for you! I know it’s HARD; I had to start Mr. Bee’s plan also and so far so good! I’m sure things will work out just fine. Some time to busy yourself with something else will be good =)

Post # 11
6661 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

I was totally there and I regret to say I was unsuccessful in ‘relaxing’ although I did try. I just felt insecure until I had the actual ring on my finger and I also didn’t want to wait forever to be married when I knew Darling Husband was the one.

So good luck, hopefully you aren’t a basket case like me! Sign up for some kind of fun class, go to the gym more often, go see your girlfriends. Focus on you!!

Post # 12
3303 posts
Sugar bee

I am glad you figure it out this early because when I had a bad wave of huge resentment- we actually broke up for a bit and I didn’t think we were going to be together. We did get back together, but I clearly made sure that he knew I was completely serious about getting engaged/ married before we got back together and he moved back in.

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