Resentment that keeps showing it's ugly head!

posted 2 years ago in Waiting
Post # 2
Member
76 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2016

Unfortunately, the answer to your question, “How do I get off this rollercoaster?” is “you don’t.” 

<br />I’m in the same boat as you (minus the child), and I hated how resentful I had gotten over the whole thing. Basically, I was stomping my feet (figuratively) and shouting “Why does it get to be HIS timeline? Why does HE get all of the power in choosing here?? Don’t I get a say???” 

 

And truthfully, if we want to do this the traditional way, I have to back off and trust that he’s making the right decisions for us. I still get those feelings of resentment when someone like my brother mentions getting engaged (and they’ve been together only a few months!) but I have to remember that everyone else’s story is their own and mine will be my own. 

<br /><br />I don’t want my engagement (that has yet to happen) to be marred by the craziness of me, so I’ve had to learn how to contain it. Is it easy? Haha, nope! But, it’s something that you have to take one day at a time. 

<br />I would ask him for a timeline, a legitimate timeline, and I don’t think that’s an unfair thing to ask for. However, be prepared to not like what you hear.

 

Good luck!

  • This reply was modified 1 year, 10 months ago by  va-in-ny.
Post # 3
Member
114 posts
Blushing bee

I guess it’s sort of a “you can’t have it both ways” deal. I couldn’t stand the idea of my FI having all the power and me waiting meekly so we had a conversation instead of a proposal, picked a ring together online and went out to dinner the day it arrived. Of course that meant giving up the things that come with a propsal. There was no surprise, not much of a “story,” no dramatic moments on bended knee, etc. It was a trade-off that worked for me, but I tend to be a bit unusual in my preferences (to give you an idea, my now DH took MY last name). I bet if you give your FI time to save up for a ring that will really please you and surprise you with a proposal, you will be happier in the end.

Post # 4
Hostess
9831 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2014

HiveFive:  Unfortunately people think they have the right to ask ‘when’s he going to propose’ as if you know the answer.  It makes it really hard.  There’s not much you can do.  waiting sucks – I did it for 7 years :/

Are there other things that you’ve done/are doing instead of planning a wedding right now?  Can you come up with a stock answer for people?  Maybe ask them an equally annoying and uncomfotable question about their lives?

Post # 6
Member
4 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: December 1969

HiveFive:  Your SO sounds like a lovely man who wants to surprise you and treat you like a queen. So just let him 🙂

I know it’s not easy, I am also waiting, but at least your SO knows what you want and you know what he wants to give you. Think about these positive sides of his behaviour when the resentment creeps up. 

Post # 8
Member
109 posts
Blushing bee

I started to get a little iffy with my patience too, until I realized he’s making us wait becuase he wants to have a little more money saved up for us. The fact that he wants us to have a decent life together means more than some hurried wedding. Now, my ring on the other hand…ANY DAY NOW!!! lol

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