Resisting the temptation to air my grievances on Facebook

posted 2 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
Member
506 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

It might be bad form, but I say go for it. But I’m pretty no-nonsense when it comes to such things.

Post # 3
Member
450 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

loudsilence99:  I sympathise, we’re sending out invitations next month and I’m dreading this!

 

Post # 4
Member
1670 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

Contact them as many ways as possible (phone, email, facebook message) and leave the same message on each format. Try an actual phone call first, then move to text and other messages. Say something like “If we don’t hear from you by Wednesday, October 29th, we will have to assume you are not attending, as we are turning in numbers to the venue. Let us know either way!” Then leave it at that. In the end, we had one non-response, I’m assuming they took my warning seriously because they didn’t show up on the day. Everyone else responded after the warning. 

Post # 5
Hostess
8680 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

I feel you, I really do. We invited 114 people [72 invites total], and we waited a week after the RSVP date to count up who we were missing. We were missing over 45! FOURTY FREAKING FIVE. We sent save the dates, we sent our invites well in advance [8 weeks]. There really was no reason for it.

All of the long distance rsvp’s said no, so I figured maybe they just forgot or didn’t think they needed to since they were 2000 miles away, but I needed catering numbers and had to confirm anyway.

Post # 6
Member
347 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

That’s exactly what we are here for on the Bee! haha I completely understand – we were so lucky with most people RSVPing on time (I think out of 110 we had 12 people late?)

Hang in there… and a week after they were due back chase the hell out of them! lol 😉

Post # 7
Member
4641 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Do you think they may have been confused by the format? I would start by making phone calls and sending emails the week after they’re due back. We got a couple right before, on, and after the due date.

People are very strange and common sense (sending back an RSVP to a party) is not so common. I think people also assume you know they’re coming, which is not how it works..

We had a friend who said “why wouldn’t I be coming?!” when we followed up, uhhhh because.. You live in another province and didn’t RSVP..

Post # 8
Member
3713 posts
Sugar bee

loudsilence99:  I hear you!

We did great for my 1st daughter’s wedding; 248 of 250 responded 6 days before the due date. For the 2nd, most of his side and some of their friends were of the “acceptances only” school of thought. Some didn’t even respond to a follow-up letter!

My mother’s friend married-off 4 daughters. Her main complaints were 1. RSVP timely and 2. The name(s) on the envelope are the guests invited. I recently found an Emily Post article online, and her guest etiquette rules 1. and 2. are the exact same things.

Post # 9
Member
602 posts
Busy bee

We had a few people refuse to give a straight answer after several contact attempts so we marked them down as declines. Imagine my surprise when they show up at our wedding. They weren’t supposed to be there so they weren’t on the seating chart or counted in our numbers. We made it work but it was unnecessary stress that could have been avoided by them simply not being jackasses. OP, I suggest doing whatever it takes to get concrete answers from these people or else they may show up and expect to be fed.

Post # 10
Member
244 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

loudsilence99:  ugh i’m dealing with the same thing! Half our guest list hasn’t sent it in and they keep replying with “you know im coming” okayyyy… but i still need your food choice! come on people!

Post # 11
Member
347 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

LegallyBrunetteBee:  We put our foot down over this and said ‘yes, but if everyone said that how on earth are we meant to keep track!’. Everyone who was coming had to reply in some way (mail/email/even text!) but we had to have a written reply.

Post # 12
Member
1002 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

loudsilence99:  I feel your pain, I had postcards too and we were missing 65 by the RSVP date.  We still haven’t gotten them from FI’s grandma, a cousin, and an aunt and uncle.  I got annoyed by people verbally responding too because 1. we paid SO much money for postage and paper 2. it’s good to have some kind of written confirmation for my records.  

I know you are not posting on facebook but, a former coworker of mine posted her grievances on facebook about her wedding and it was annoying and immature.  Especially, since a majority of her facebook “friends” were not even invited to the wedding.  Sigh, I miss the days of facebook when people anounced keg parties…. 

Post # 13
Member
1669 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

loudsilence99:  we definitely had to do some RSVP stalking…especially with family members! so ridonk! it was either them or people who had never been through a wedding before and didn’t understand the importance.

Post # 15
Member
347 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

loudsilence99:  Smoke signals might work 😉

Honestly though I do find it rude – it doesn’t take much effort to reply. Even before I was even considering getting married I would take it as common decency to reply by RSVP deadlines. I can’t imagine not, especially for something as big as a wedding!

Good luck with collecting them in – I understand the ones who don’t know (e.g. one of my friend’s boyfriend is in the army and is on standby to mobilise abroad, so we won’t know until the day if he can make it or not, and that’s cool). But yeah, most people should definitely have told you. That’s just rude!

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