Respecting Your Elders

posted 4 months ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
351 posts
Helper bee

Don’t feel bad accepting the big money from him for your wedding. The way it sounds, you deserve it for all you’ve put up from childhood through present, much of which he should have protected you from.

I don’t have much advice regarding talking to your dad about the fact that mom is bonkers and abusive. I would advise contacting your venue and vendors before invitations go out (if you haven’t already) and telling them in no uncertain terms that you and FI and NO ONE ELSE is permitted to make any decisions/change any plans regarding the wedding and contracts. If necessary, establish a “code word” with them to validate your identity, in case your mom calls impersonating you.

Post # 4
Member
439 posts
Helper bee

DWIL nation now. I don’t recommend it as much as a lot of bees, but you NEED it. This woman is BSC. 

Post # 6
Member
468 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2018

mightbeebiased :  My first thought was dementia. Has she been to the doctor recently? Does she know what year it is?

Post # 7
Member
9243 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

Wow that is so difficult. I would be honest with your dad- tell him you’d like to see him/ talk more but it needs to be just the two of you because mom is malicious and you don’t want her in your life. Let all vendors know you have a mentally ill mother named ____ and if she contacts you or tries to get involved please ignore her and say you only discuss client plans with clients. If she tries to use money as a way to meddle, then do not accept the $$. 

Post # 8
Member
2629 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

Warn your vendors about her. And I would tell your father. I mean, she BEAT you as children! He needs to know that! And if he is receptive then he can help you see him without seeing her. 

Post # 10
Member
750 posts
Busy bee

Wow what a tough spot. I guess I wouldn’t really trust him to handle this any better than he handled when you were children. If he didn’t have the strength to leave her when it was to protect his children (assuming he had at least an inkling of an idea of what was going on), he certainly won’t now. Plus chances are he’ll confront her which she will turn into a drama fest and will probably use as a reason to get between you and your father. It seems like he’s ok with the status quo you’ve established. I’d wait and see if he brings it up rather than bringing it up yourself. 

Post # 12
Member
351 posts
Helper bee

mightbeebiased :  With how many horror stories we’ve all heard around here, I kind of figure planners and vendors have heard it all. Weddings, unfortunately, seem to bring out the crazy and controlling sides of some people, parents included. Just tell them, “We’re having some issues with…overly involved and/or possibly mentally unwell parents. For this reason, please ensure that you are talking to someone authorized to discuss plans for this wedding by asking for validation code: VINEYARD.” Or whatever. I’m sure they’d prefer this small hassle to dealing with a pissed off bride leaving horrible reviews all over the place after they ruined her wedding by changing her plans!

Post # 13
Member
468 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2018

mightbeebiased :  it’s technically possible. To me it sounds like she has some type of brain disorder, not necessarily a personality disorder. My grandma had dementia and she would hit my grandfather so maybe she did have something related to dementia when you were born.

Post # 15
Member
5552 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2016 - Lola's Trailer Park

Are we entirely sure this woman isn’t suffering from some sort of mental issues that aren’t being properly treated? It really sounds to me like there is something going on.

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