- 3 months ago
- Wedding: July 2017
Regular bee using anon account. Super long, thank you for hearing my rant. Ive never expressed this to anyone because no one would believe it.
My father is a good old fashioned man. He’s honest, patient, quiet, thoughtful and strong. He’s always been generous with time and money. He’s successful without being aggressively ambitious. I have always looked up to and admired him. Which makes it even more surprising that he married a woman who is at best, mentally out of touch with reality, and at worst deliberately malicious and sinister. I have 3 siblings. My mother:
Contacts bosses and landlords to make complaints on our behalf that are completely false, making us look bad. Confronted: I was just making sure they treat you properly
Finds checks in our name, even written by my own father and tries to cash them to herself. Confronted: got confused, thought it was her name.
Asks someone I havent seen in years, who isn’t invited to the wedding, to be my BM. Confronted: she just wants to be sure I had enough bridesmaids.
Me and younger sis look in on their house for them for 5 mins while they’re on vacation. She texts me at 3am 2 weeks later to ask why I broke things/drove her car/watched porn at her house. No thank you for stopping there but she’s never thanked us in her life so I wasn’t expecting it now. Just weird accusations that nobody in their right mind would believe.
She calls our exes or our boyfriends exes to ask prying questions about their lives even YEARS after we split. Confronted: shes allowed to have friends and talk to who she wants.
Calls cops on older brother for doing drugs in her house. He hadnt been in the country for a year at that point and doesnt have a drug problem she just loooooved the drama.
Adored beating us as children. Would make up arbitrary reasons like “ate peas before carrots” if she couldnt think of a good one.
Thousands more weird interactions like this our whole lives. I make sure never to answer her calls or texts and I cannot ever tell her where I work, my address, any info about who I’m seeing because she is bored and unemployed and spends her days sabotaging. I cant tell her off because she LOVES it and will do twice as much damage to get more reaction. All day, Hunting the internet for info to use against people. The problem? We live in the same city and I still care very much about my father who is 70 and could be gone soon, and want to interact with him but I have to stay distanced. He spends a lot of time and money on us and avoiding him too much seems rude! Just sending wedding invites is a death sentence because she now knows the venue and will soon contact them trying to ruin my wedding just so I’ll react.
I genuinely am not sure if she deserves empathy for being mentally challenged (she sends 3am texts all the time about what sound like hallucinations or events that never happened) or if she’s fully aware of her behavior and is a calculating vindictive b* who I wouldnt piss on to save her life.
Would you tell all this to your sweet elderly gentle father?? Explain you dont see him more or help him when he asks because his psycho wife will ruin my life if I even come near her? He KNOWS we avoid her because he saw a lot of this and just didnt know how to handle it when we were little but we’ve never discussed it openly as adults. It feels disrespectful to him to even bring it up.
TL;DR everyone knows my mom is a psycho but I dont know how to say that out loud to my sweet old Dad when I have to avoid him because she’s around. Not really wedding related but I feel bad even accepting his big $$ wedding gift when I’m dodging their number and only seeing him once a year.