Post # 1
So this weekend I went on my first outing in search of finding my wedding dress. I took my Mother, Sister, best friend, FMIL & FSIL with me… I orginally had asked my Mom if she would be ok with FMIL in coming as I would have kept it more private had she wanted it that way but she said it was ok so I went ahead with inviting everyone…. Well all went fine in terms of everyone getting along but I think my Mom sister and I all realized that having the other three there made things a little more overwhelming than needed. Everytime I would come out I was bombarded with what everyone else thought about the dress rather than what I thought.. My best friend was very opiniated and kept announcing her thoughts and opinions and I honestly didnt have much of a voice which put my sister off… My FMIL kept oooing and ahhing and then announced that “This is the one, I know it!” on the last dress.. While it was pretty and I liked it, I didnt LOVE it or have the urge to commit so we ended up leaving empty handed. It was also my first time out and with their limited selection I definitely want to see more…
My Mom and sister have both suggested that we maybe head out on our own next time and I think I agree with them.. The three of us are actually all free next saturday and we want to head out and hit a few stores and make a day of it… Has anyone dealt with this and then gone out on future dress shopping dates with less people? I am thinking it will be a lot easier to just go out with my Mom and sister (they’re the only opinions I really care about). I know I will have to deal with the wrath of my best friend and FMIL but I think its probably for the best…
Do I tell my FMIL and best friend we are going out with them? If so, how would you break it to them.. (I have a very needy best friend who I can see taking this very personal… FMIL might take it hard too..)
Post # 2
What wrath? You took them dress shopping with you, you gave them that honor. You aren’t obligated to take them everytime and you aren’t obligated to inform them either. You want to look around a bit more on your own (or with your mom and/or sister) before you make a decision. No explanations or apologies necessary.
Post # 3
I think you know the right answer already! You’ll never be able to think clearly and find the right dress with half a dozen people chiming in with their opinions. And your mom and sister know you best and will give the most helpful advice. Don’t tell the others – honestly, if they were invited on 1 shopping excursion that’s enough, and I don’t think anyone will be offended. Wait until AFTER you find the dress to mention anything.
Post # 4
LWatson1618: I had a similar situation where I wanted to include my MIL and SIL, but also wanted a more personal experience with my mom and knew that she knows me best and her opinion of what looks like “me” and what is my style would be best expressed by her. So I took my in laws and a couple friends to a big bridal salon (Kleinfeld), because I knew they would have fun. I basically had no intention of buying a dress there, and if I did find one I loved, I would go back with my mom and make the purchase. It worked out great because they had fun, and I didn’t have the stress of feeling like I had to listen to a million opinions. They didn’t like anything that I liked, and pretty much just wanted me in the tightest dress possible. So I got that appointment out of the way (didn’t see anything I wanted so never returned), and then I made appts at other salons I loved and only went with my mom and dad. Everyone got to be involved this way, I didn’t get overwhelmed, and I ended up with the personal experience I wanted. I highly recommend doing this!
There is no rule that says you have to bring the same people every time. You included your inlaws for one round, now you can go privately and finish the job with your mom and sister. Nothing wrong with that, and I wouldn’t even bother explaining yourself. I don’t even remember if I told my in laws that I was going elsewhere without them, I just went, and I never heard a word about it.
Post # 5
I feel like the fewer, the better. My first outing will be with my sister and 2 FSILs, but that will be the largest group I ever take. If I don’t find a dress that day, I’ll likely just take one person with me.
Post # 6
I included my FMIL, FSIL, my mom, and my aunt in one day of shopping. I took my mom alone once, and my best friend/MOH once. Any other time I went, I just went alone. I know what I personally like, and don’t technically need their approval. Obviously some brides need that extra help from their family, but it’s totally not required to bring a whole group when searching for the most important dress of your life 😉 It might be easier for your sanity to just bring your mom and sister!
Post # 7
LWatson1618: More people doesn’t necessarily mean more applause for you. More people usually means more opinions and more confusion.
There’s at least one shop near me that has a definite limit, to the entourage, like 4 guests. I’ve heard of one that gives you a certain number and if you bring any more than the number, there is a surcharge – which makes sense, to limit the mayhem. There are reasons for these type of suggestions.
My two daughters took myself, their grandmother (my mother), and each other (they were each others honor attendants). The one with the future MIL close by asked her, but she wanted to be surprised. Their father saw them in the gown after they had made their choice. 3 guest opinions, plus the salon employee, plus there’s always other customers in the salon who will make a comment, is more than enough.
Post # 8
You don’t need to tell anyone. My bridal party doesn’t even know what my dress looks like. I went with my mom and aunt the first time I went dress shopping and didn’t enjoy all the opinions. I went by myself all other times and I believe I have never had dress regret because I chose something that I loved. Tried on my dress for a fitting last week and still love it. The only opinion that really matters is yours really.
Post # 9
OP, you said Everytime I would come out I was bombarded with what everyone else thought about the dress rather than what I thought..
Yes, that’s what happens when you take other people with you to offer their opinion. I ‘ve never understood the entourage mentality.
If you have a good consultant who knows her stuff, she will guide you in choosing good shapes for your figure. If you’ve got a perfect model figure and can wear anything, then you need no one with you at all, you can choose the dress that you love best.
Post # 10
- Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast
If I may make a suggestion, go shopping alone as your next trip. Tell your consultant that you had an experience shopping with a laegr group and now you want to try on dresses and hear your own voice in the process. Be clear that, if you find a dress you love, you will not be purchasing that day because you would want to bring your Mom and sister with you for tyhe big decision making. Shopping on your own will allow you to focus on you and what you want/need/care about/prefer/don’t like/etc. Then, after experiencing bboth extremes (big group and solo), you will be ready to be in decision-making mode with your Mom and sister.
Post # 11
I’ve never understood the whole entourage thing for wedding dress shopping. We shop by ourselves for years, then for the most (important, expensive) dress of our lives we need others input?
If you are comfortable with your Mom and sister, go with them. If you find your dress, you can always schedule a confirmation trip and include your FMIL.
Post # 12
My first dress shopping experience was with mom, aunt, MOH and a bridesmaid then next time I went only with another bridesmaid and at my last appt (when I found my dress) it was just my mom and MOH. At least you had everyone involved initially and I think they should be more then happy with that.
Post # 13
I wouldn’t even tell them you are going dress shopping again. Just go with your mom and sis if that’s what you want.
FWIW, my mom went with me dress shopping. I didn’t want any other’s opinions and I wanted to be able to spend the time to really think about any dress I liked. I ended up trying on my dress on two different occasions because I loved it the first time and then slept on it for about a week and tried it on again. My mom cried, I cried, it was a great moment between just us.
Post # 14
Shopping with an entourage can be fun at first but after a while it can be SUPER overwhelming especially because everyone is so excited for you. You found the first experience to be a bit taxing so I said definitely leave everyone else out except for mom and sis seeing as their opinions are top ranking for you. And FWIW you dont owe anything to your BF, FMIL or FSIL. This is about you feeling the most beautiful on your day! Best of luck in finding THE dress!
Post # 15
I’ll agree with the PP. Why the entourage? Why include that many different opinions in an important decision that is based on what you want?
I took my mom with me shopping. I chose my mom because 1) she’s my mom, 2) she’s got great taste in formalwear 3) she isn’t afraid to tactfully say something isn’t quite right. Do my friends have good taste? Of course. Does my aunt? My grandmas? My sisters? Of course. Do we all have the same taste? Hell naw. Are some of them just a wee bit opinionated? Oh dear lord, yes. The thought of all of them together trying to give me an opinion is honestly terrifying.
I loved having it just be my mom, and I would not have had it differently. My BMs saw the dress after I purchased it, and they have let me know they definitely approve. My grandma teared up when she got to see it.
I did go dress shopping with all the BMs for their dresses, and will go with my mom/sisters for their respective dresses, so there was excitement and shopping for everybody.
If you want to include everyone else, why not take them shopping for something else – get opinions on flowers, or something unrelated? That way everyone has an opinion that they got to contribute, but it lessens the this opinion vs that opinion.