(Closed) Rhyming/Poem help??? I am not a poet! STD’s

posted 9 years ago in Paper
  • poll: Poem Idea is....
    Cute! : (4 votes)
    80 %
    Corny! : (1 votes)
    20 %
    Ridiculous : (0 votes)
    Laughable : (0 votes)
  • Post # 3
    Member
    216 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: July 2018 - Outdoor ceremony, banquet hall reception

    I think this is a really cute idea! But the first and second lines really aren’t working for me, and I think it’s the fact that San Francisco and aglow really don’t rhyme in the context of those two lines.

    I would maybe split up the cowgirl and surfer boy into two separate lines, and leave out San Fran all together, since that’s an impossible word to rhyme, and it throws the rhythm off.

    I would try something like:

    A girl once met a boy

    She roped cows, and surfing was his joy.

    Something along those lines. You’re off to a really good start- those cards sound super cute!!

     

    Post # 4
    Member
    889 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2010

    i agree with powderpuff that the first few lines don’t flow as well as the rest, but it’s a really cute STD.

    Post # 6
    Member
    250 posts
    Helper bee

    A cowgirl  relocated to those  California hills~

    Soon found a surfer boy who gave her heart a thrill!

    Post # 7
    Member
    250 posts
    Helper bee

    or you could say “those San Fransico hills”~

    Post # 8
    Member
    250 posts
    Helper bee

    A cowgirl who relocated to those San Fransico hills

    Soon found a surfer boy who gave her heart a thrill.

    With his wit and his charm, he wooed her each day

    and they knew this life was one they wanted to stay.

    One beautiful day, he got down on one knee,

    And the Cowgirl could not contain her glee!

    She had dreamed of that Surfer Boy Prince her entire life,

    and this July 3rd he will make her his wife.

     

     

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