Post # 1
I would love to have a small wedding party – my sister as my MOH, and my best friend of 17 years as a bridesmaid.
My FI wants to keep it small as well – he wants his best friend Steve to be his Best Man, however he’s not sure who would be his groomsman (because it’s a small party we’d like to keep the numbers even). He would like to have another close friend ‘George’ be his Groomsman, however George has a wife, Stacey, and my FI thinks that I have to pick Stacey to be a Bridesmaid or else she’ll be really lonely during the ceremony (she’s kind of anti-social, not in a bad way, but just…is).
Mind you, George and Stacey have been our ‘best friends’ while living out in Vancouver. And I’ve already unofficially asked Stacey to make the cake because she’s an amazing baker. But the thing is, I don’t actually feel that ‘close’ to Stacey. She’s lovely, and kind, and helpful, but I fear I will forever look at wedding photos and be like, “Really?? She was a bridesmaid?” Sounds so horrible to say out loud, but I’m being honest with myself. I don’t want to have her in my wedding party just to be polite.
It sucks, because I love George & Stacey, and I think George deserves to be a GM because of how close my FI and he are.
Thoughts? Is there any tactful way of asking George to be a GM, but not have Stacey as a BM?
Post # 3
Lonely during the ceremony?! No. Now, you could plan it so SOs can sit at the head table as well as the BM/GM, and I think that would be nice. Reception is where more SOs get bored/lonely.
Post # 4
I don’t think you HAVE to have even numbers. What if your FI & his BM stand at the altar, and your BMs either walk in solo, or as a pair? Uneven sides won’t make your marriage invalid, and an experience photographer will be able to catch shots that don’t look awkward. I definitely wouldn’t include people just for the sake of including them, that really only leads to drama.
Post # 5
- Wedding: May 2013 - Walt Disney World
There is no obligation to make GM’s SOs a BM in your bridal party. If I did that I would have 12 people in my bridal party. You can have a sweetheart table for the two of you and a separate table with the other guests where the bridal party can sit with their SOs. Almost all my BMs have kids as well, so I think I’m going to have them sit with their families..
Post # 6
You definitely don’t need to ask her to be a bridesmaid. I don’t think there’s anything untactful about asking George to be a GM without asking Stacey to be a BM.
Post # 7
@NAvery: Yes, we’ll plan on having SOs sit at the table with BMs & GMs, so that’ll be OK.
@DaneLady: I like your idea of the guys at the front, and then the BMs walk in solo. But then the GM can have one on each arm as they leave, or something like that…
Post # 8
As others have said, it’s fine – in fact normal – to not have spouses of GMs/BMs in the bridal party. There is nothing to apologise for, just ask George to be a GM.
p.s. Stacey won’t be lonely in the ceremony, because there is no interaction between guests in the ceremony, people just sit and watch.
Post # 9
No, you’re not obligated to ask Stacey to be a BM at ALL. Do you have another good friend/relative that you want to be a BM to keep your numbers even? Like other Bees have said, its okay if the numbers AREN’T even…
Post # 10
@MsGolightly: Oh, I think that would be cute to have the GM escort both ladies out!
Post # 12
we had uneven numbers… it was fine. bridesmaids walked solo and grooms men were at alter with dh before. then they kinda all walked up the aisle as it was their turn to leave— we had 4 bm 1 flowergirl and 5 gm and 2 ring boys.
also we had two grooms men with significant other- they didnt mind not being in the party/ we just sat them together during reception.
Post # 13
No don’t have her as a BM. lonely during the ceremony is kind of crazy. As long as you don’t have a head table, so she winds up sitting by herself during dinner, I think your fine.
Post # 14
Thanks for all the replies bees. They are really helpful!
I think I’m less concerned with Stacey being ‘lonely’ as I am with the fact that we are close to both of them, and do lots of things together. George used to work with FI which is why they know each other. I just don’t want it to be a slap in the face that we’re asking him to be a GM and her not a BM. I’m all for “do what you want, it’s your wedding”, but I really don’t want her to feel bad.
I think I’ll tell FI about the ideas you all have offered, and see what he says. Ideally I think we’d have them do a reading together, since they are one of the strongest and loving couples we know…
Thanks again bees.
Post # 15
@MsGolightly: I was just in a wedding that had an uneven number of BM & GMs. The groomsmen stood at the front, and the bridesmaids came in one by one. At the end, one girl just had 2 guys (ironic, since she’s cheating on her husband.. but that’s another thread!)
It worked out perfectly. I think since you want to have an intimate group, so with the people you can’t live without. Sounds like Stacy will be just fine, since she’ll get to sit with her hubby at the reception.
Post # 16
She may be a bit miffed (my new favorite word) but you are under no obligation to ask her. So leave the decision with your fiance, but tell him she will not be included in the bridal party regardless of his decision.