Post # 1
I do not like my ring. It’s not bad, it is in fact, in the vein of what I wanted and it is pretty. Unfortunately, the most important factors to me are not included. Normally I would say to myself “just deal and upgrade at an anniversary!” But there is more to it than that.
My my fiancé did not pick the ring. Honestly, I don’t know that he had ANYTHING to do with it other than the final ok, which he would have given to almost anything assuming it wasn’t obviously hideous.
My mother did all the work. She used a jeweler who is a friend of a friend. She designed it and selected the diamond. This jeweler did it in his own time.
This means I have no protection plan for my ring. If anything happens to it, I need to pay out of pocket to fix it. The diamond is not certified by ANY lab, and you can clearly tell. I made it clear that those two things were important to me. They and Other design aspects, like the ability to have a flush wband, were completely disregarded for something that my mother preferred.
Compounded by my inability to find a somewhat matching wband, these things have added up and made me have a lot of bitterness towards my ering. I’m being encouraged to return to the same jeweler for a custom wband to match, but I have no interest in buying another piece of jewelry that is not up to my standards.
So this is slightly different from other cases. Size is not an issue, setting is not an issue… It’s a touch deeper than that and it’s REALLY bothering me to think that I may be stuck with this feeling for 6 more years (5yr anni upgrade).
Im at such a loss as to what to do! Help!
Post # 2
Have you told your FI? How does he feel about your mom making all the choices?
Post # 3
Speak to your FI, after all he either asked for her help or went along with it.
Post # 4
- Wedding: July 2013 - Little White Wedding Chapel in Las Vegas
Can you return or exchange it?
Post # 5
That sucks that you don’t like it, something about my own mother making my ring would irk me as well….why didn your Fi even let that happen may I ask??
Post # 6
MissusMarcin: Oh heck no! My mother and I have totally opposite tastes. How did it happen that she did all the designing and deciding?? I’m afraid if it’s custom, it may be too late. Though I would think you could at the very least swap out the stone for one you like better. Why is the work not guaranteed? You can get jewelry insurance which I hear is pretty cheap.
Post # 7
I agree. Why didnt your FI design this ring??? My mom would have been like um no buddy, this is YOUR engagement ring.
Post # 8
A little more information:
My fiance and I moved cross country for his grad schooling. He had a very difficult time finding a job so we were looking to save some money and get more bang for our buck. We both knew from the get go that we would likely end up upgrading, so I wasn’t determined to have a sizable diamond, or even a diamond at all. I wanted us to get something that was worth it (meaning quality) and fit our budget that we could trade in and up down the road.
Mother dearest touted that this jeweler friend would be able to get him more for his money and my lovely fiancé wanted to give me the best he could at the time so he trusted her to get it done… And he was pleased to be relieved of the pressure behind buying the right stuff Lol.
He had the best of intentions, and I believe my mother did as well… but when she gets an idea into her head, that’s it. I had no idea that the ring was already in production so I couldn’t run interference on her usual behavior.
I do not believe it can be returned because it wasn’t made through a store. Even if it could, my mom probably would have a big problem with it. I have mentioned to my fiancé my thoughts, albeit much more delicately, and he doesn’t really have an answer or opinion. I flat out said that I am uncomfortable buying a wband from the guy And he was alright with it. I know he isn’t attached to my ring like most men are, but I think he would have some issue with me wanting to completely redo it… some financial and some pride I think.
Post # 9
Ahhhh and the jeweler was located some 700+ miles away in our hometown, which is why he couldn’t do all the designing himself… Though even if he were home mom prob would have put in her “2cents” which is more like a dollar unless you know how to handle her lol
Post # 10
MissusMarcin: I know it doesn’t help now, but my ring is currently being made in AZ, but I live in MN. But I can totally believe a guy being relieved he doesn’t have to make some jewelry decision. Lol! I think you could still find a wedding band to go with it. If you search here, you’ll see all different kinds of looks so you won’t have to go back to that guy. And if you do go custom with the band, you still don’t have to go to that guy. Know what I mean? What about swapping out the stone for a better one?
Post # 11
MissusMarcin: You’re right, your situation is different. At this point could you take it to another local jeweler and see if it can be reworked to your satisfaction? Leave Mom out of it, lol. It’s your ring, you should love it since you’re the one wearing it every day for the rest of your life.
Post # 12
I have absolutely considered and researched replacing the stone, replacing the ring altogether, insuring it through a third party, and all are met with resistance from, you guessed it! Mommy dearest. I love the woman so much but I do not love her “input” (ie: orders lol). Planning a wedding is going to be a challenge.
i suppose it really boils down to, do I have a conversation about any of these wonderful options with my fiancé now, or wait til a big anniversary and live with the negative association? I am really only concerned about him and his feelings and views on the subject Bc it’s a matter between just us (and always should have been, dammit!)
I have pretty much already determined that, in the event I keep the ring for another 6 years, I’ll either get a basic, mostly matching, cost effective band OR a band i love and can wear alone.
But let’s say I replace the whole thing, does anyone know what the likely scenario would be for selling my current ring? Private sale, to a reputable jewelry store, or what have you.
Post # 13
Just get a wedding band you love and wear it alone. When you can afford to replace the ring, do that. Mom doesn’t have to know why you don’t wear it – you’re married now, you wear your wedding ring, don’t worry, the engagement ring is safe at home.
Post # 14
I would just get a wedding band and explain that you’re not planning to wear your e-ring except for special occasions (ones when mommy dearest is around, haha). Then for your 5th anni, you can get a new wedding set or upgrade. Especially since mom won’t let you appraise or insure it, I wouldn’t feel comfortable wearing it every day (what if you lose it, break it, crack the stone, etc.). Find a nice band that is your taste and go from there.
Depending on the size and quality of the diamond, it may not even be worth very much. If the setting is gold/platinum, the metal (right now) likely has more resale value. You would want to look into how much salvaging the metal & reusing it for a new setting would cost, compared to an all-new setting, or if the ring is particularly interesting/designed, you may be able to sell it through a consignment or estate seller, or on etsy.
Post # 15
according to the paperwork handed over with the ring, which is an appraisal done by some company unknown to me, the center stone is a .62ct very good cut f-g color (wtf??) vs1 princess stone. I have my doubts about that info though. If you look just left of center, There’s a pretty sizable, clearly visible feather.
I have considered sending the diamond for grading and paying for an e certificate, just in case I want to resell it, but the hassle and backlash is not worth it at the moment.
It really IS very pretty, but its all the negative associationa and whatnot bothering the HELL outta me. That’s what I get for being a thinker!