Post # 1
I’m in need of some advice. My SO and I have been discussing marriage for about 9 months now, and we both agreed that we’d like to get engaged some time next year and have the wedding in 2015. I think it’s a very reasonable timeline, and, while I’d like it to happen sooner (duh), I’m very comfortable with what we’ve decided.
In our conversations, SO has obviously asked me about what kind of rings I like. I’ve emailed him a few different examples and explained my taste, so I think he has a pretty good idea. A couple weeks ago, I found my DREAM RING. It is completely one of a kind and perfectly me. I sent a link to SO, and he said he liked it, too.
1. Since we’re set to get engaged next year, I really don’t think SO is thinking about buying a ring now. This is a vintage ring, and I haven’t seen another ring like it, so if someone else buys it, I might never find another like it. I’m trying to keep the marriage talk on the DL, but is there some way I can bring this up with him?
2. The ring is kind of expensive. We didn’t discuss a budget at all, but I always thought I’d get a pretty reasonably priced ring (whatever that means), since I like to pretend I’m practical (HAH). SO has a well-paying job and some solid savings, so I don’t think it would be a problem from a strictly financial perspective, but I think he might be a little unnerved by it. I would be willing to contribute some money to get this ring (did I mention I LOVE IT?!), but, again, I’m not sure how to talk about this with him.
Any advice would be enormously appreciated!!
Post # 3
I would tell him exactly what you told us. You found the world’s most perfect vintage ring, and while you know you’re not getting engaged for another year, it is one of a kind and once someone buys it, it is GONE.
Then if he continues to be open to the conversation (as opposed to saying “You don’t get to see your ring before I propose with it, woman”), show him the listing. And when he FREAKS over the price (as all men do), throw in “Well, you know I love nice things. And I never want to upgrade! I want this to be my forever ring, and I’m willing to ship in for it, just so you know…”
Post # 4
Do you know when in 2014 he plans on proposing? If its before March or April I don’t see a problem with him buying the ring now as he would have time to either A. pay it off or B. save up the money he spent on the ring. My SO is going to propose before March 2014 and he says he’s going to start ring shopping in September or October. So he will sit on the ring for a few months. How much is the ring? And is it graded by GIA? that is important when choosing a ring you plan to spend a lot of money on (its more valuable and important for insurance purposes). If you honestly feel this is the ring for you as him about how he would feel if you chose your ring. He may say he wants to choose it (in which case you would have to explain why you would like to choose) and then you need to talk about how you found the ring of your dreams. The good news is he would have time to pay it off if they allowed payment plans, you’re willing to help, and it would take the pressure off of him to pick a ring. (sorry for the novel!)
I have showed my SO a few rings that I love, but he has different taste than me (not bad taste just different) so I guess it will be more of what he likes (which I struggle with a bit since I have to wear it forever), but men do take great pride in picking out the ring so I would see how he feels about WHO chooses the ring.
Hope that helps!
Post # 5
Thanks for the great advice, ladies!
@BrandNewBride: Good to hear that my post didn’t sound too crazy to broach the subject with SO! I showed him the listing before, and he didn’t comment on the price at all, just asked me what I liked about it, so that could be either a good or bad sign .
@prettyinpink11: No need to apologize for the long reply–it was helpful! I don’t know when in 2014 he’ll be proposing, but we’ll be out of the country for his job until March or so, so it’ll definitely be after that. The ring is on Etsy and doesn’t say anything about being GIA graded, so I guess we’d have to ask the seller about that (good thinking–I don’t know anything about the insurance aspect). The different tastes thing is a little tough; I definitely want something a little outside the norm, which I think really surprised SO at first. The only experience he’d had with rings were some of the more standard options, so it did take him a little while to warm up to the ones I like. I think the more you talk about it and look at rings, the more open your SO will be to ones you like.
Post # 6
@keylimepie: I would definitely ask the seller about the GIA report and maybe ask if it has been appraised. I’m sure the ring is more than you could have asked for 🙂 If you truly love it talk to him about it (worst case is you keep all the pictures saved and give them to him and he can have a jeweler replicate the ring incase it gets sold!
My SO and I have been to a million jewelery stores. Went to DeBeers and Tiffanys today (just to look at styles since he wants to custom make it) and he liked what I liked, but is still set on getting what he likes. I love him, but it annoys me a tad lol! Oh well HOPEFULLY when he goes in the fall to make my ring he listens to what I want as well as what he wants lol
Post # 7
@keylimepie: If you love it, keep as many photos of it as you can find. If your SO isn’t ready to purchase, you can always have something made custom – with whatever additions/changes you like.
Post # 8
I agree that you should show it to him so he has an idea of what you like. He may be relieved that he has an idea to go on! I would however, not be surprised if he didn’t buy that exact ring but instead got something similar, which I’m sure you’ll love too.
Post # 9
@keylimepie: “I showed him the listing before, and he didn’t comment on the price at all, just asked me what I liked about it, so that could be either a good or bad sign”.
I don’t think it’s a bad sign. It sounds to me like he’s trying to understand your preferences, likes/dislikes, but that he’s not ready to pull the trigger on a purchase just yet. I would advise against bringing the topic up to him again really soon. I do like what a previous poster suggested about saving as many photos of it as you can. He might be able to have one custom made for you that looks just like it when he is ready to make the purchase!