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I really dont mean to sound ungrateful but I know I will so here goes... my fiancee propsed 4 months ago and after hinting/asking me a final time for my favourite ring types, and after Id tried on lots at Tiffany, I settled on their new 'step' or asher cut on a plain, thin band. I wrote 3 options with low, mid and high pricing so he could chose.
He propsed and it was very romantic and there was 'my' ring, Id had it esepcially flown over from another Tiffany's so I could try it on and had loved in the shop.
So... initial excitment and sqeals,happiness at work and with our friends. But with aquaintances/not very close friends, lots of them know Im engaged but hardly ever ask to see 'the ring' up close. Obviously with Tiffany its also about style/setting ad the other Cs, so for the amount he paid, approx $13,000- elsewhere i would have got a much bigger carrat. Its 0.90. I love my ring, but Im wandering if other ladies have experienced the same thing, as in assuming other women would have been as excited/ask to see it/opnely appreciative? I know when Im stood on public transport I see other girls I dont know sneek a peak...!
Maybe girls who havn't got to that stage of being engeged and knowing about diamonds assume becuase mine isn't some HUGE rock and quite understated setting, dimaond etc, its nothing special? My fiancee is also a well earning business man, and he spent over 1 months salary (after tax) but could he have gone for the more expensive ring I also put down??
Argggh I know I sounds so bitter but I build things up in my minds and then so over anaylse other peoples reactions etc and it leaves me feeling down...
Im wandeign should I have given up on my dream of a Tiffany and got another bigger rock somewher else? But I still feel I wouldnt feel it was as 'special'. Anyway Id love your thoughts and experience of other womens reactions, to your ring!
@jem123: Your ring sounds beautiful and special to you. I got very negative reactions about mine because it is "small". I don't care, I love it anyway. Still hurts though.
Wait, what? You want to get a bigger diamond because random people aren't asking you to see it? Some people just don't care about other people's jewelry. Hell, I have actual relatives who never asked to see my ring, I just chalked it up to them not caring about it, it's no reflection on me, my ring or my relationship with my FI. Did you get the ring because you love it, or because you wanted to impress people?
Are you the first of your friends to get engaged? Have you been talking about the ring a lot, or giving off a vibe that you aren't happy with it?
Reactions to my ring have varied from "Sorry, I'm not really a ring person" to completely gushing over it.
An ascher cut is not very common, maybe people aren't used to seeing that cut and don't know how to react to it vs. the sparklier cuts (round & princess).
I tried on rings at Tiffany's to find a style I liked, but FI decided to order a similar style from elsewhere so as not to pay the Tiffany mark up.
If you always wanted a Tiffany ring, then getting a Tiffany ring is great.
As for the size he got you, you gave him options, he picked one of the options. If you weren't going to be thrilled with what he got you it shouldn't have been an "option."
Finally, don't let your friend's reactions to your ring change your feelings towards it. The most important part is what the ring symbolizes (your FI wants to marry you and be with you forever). No matter what your ring looks like, it is the sentiment behind it that really counts.
So you're upset because people aren't oohing and aahing over your Tiffanies ring? Is that the jest?
It shouldn't matter what other people think, do, or say....it's all about what you like and the symbol of your love with your FI. I'm sure your ring is absolutely beautiful! I mean, it's a Tiffany ring! Actually, I'd love to see a picture if you have one to post :)
Have you tried maybe using your left hand more to fix your hair or scratch your face or cover your mouth when you're yawning more?
Ok, you can flag me now. I couldn't help myself.
Do you show them the box the ring came in? I honestly would not be able to tell whether a ring came from Tiffany's or from Walmart just by looking at the ring.
You know that it's the ring you wanted (and hopefully also the man you wanted), so why does it matter that other people don't get excited?
i'm so confused. you say you love your ring - so what's the problem? are you mad that people assume it wasn't expensive because it isn't ginormous and therefore don't gawk?
I'm in agreement with lezlers. Just because everyone isn't lined up waiting to see your ring doesn't make it any less special. You seem to be looking for attention because you posted the brand name and price like that makes a difference. Not trying to be rude, but no one is going to care that it's a Tiffany and the size except for you.
@KatNYC2011: Totally agree. To the OP, no one is going to care as much about wedding stuff (rings, dresses, etc), or really your own life stuff, as you will. The engagement and your ring seems like the biggest, most exciting thing to you, but to other people, they might be content just hearing your proposal story and taking a cursory glance at the ring. Definitely don't let that change how you feel/make you insecure about your ring! The important thing is that you love it and you're excited about it!
i had the initial. wow thats beautiful...but they faded after a few months of engagement
i also have a .91 center and every once in a while ill be checking out somewhere and the person at the register will comment on its beauty. And at the time im very appreciative but i dont think about it normally.
I notice peoples rings mostly because im newly engaged...i dont know if people really look that closely on a regular basis
@AprilJo2011: I also really wouldn't be able to tell. Tragic, I know, but it's true.
Oh, and regarding people asking to see rings, I have only had ONE person in my year long engagement ask to see the ring that wasn't my mil and my fil. So, THREE people total have asked and believe me - everyone knew I was engaged.
To give you another perspective...I never ask to see rings or oooh and aaaah over them, because I was extremely uncomfortable with that when I first got engaged. To me, the ring isn't what it's all about, you know?
@coconutmellie: I wouldn't really be able to tell either. I might know it's a "Tiffany-style" setting, but unless I saw the T&Co engraving inside the ring or the box it came in I wouldn't know if it was a Tiffany ring, or just a ring "in the style" of Tiffany's.
I've been told my ring is "cute" and to tell you the truth, that kinda hurt. After a while, I realized "who the eff cares what others think?" I love my ring, but more than that, I love the man who gave it to me.
Smile and be happy is all the advice I think I have. (?)
sorry, but this sounds ungrateful. your fi bought you a beautiful ring that you love, and you want to trade it in because not enough random people have validated it for you. stop worrying so much about what other people think!
I think a lot of people think it's more polite not to ask to see the ring. Which makes a lot of sense, given all the anxiety you see on the boards about the reactions people do have. What if people don't like the ring, and aren't able to hide that when they react? Rather than risk looking like you're thinking "My goodness that is really small/really large/really ugly/makes me really jealous" (and even jealousy can come across as a bad thing, just search the boards and you'll find brides upset over every possible reaction to their rings), a lot of people just don't ask. It's not unusual and you shouldn't take it as a reflection on people's silent thoughts about your ring.
My mom was upset when she'd ask me if people were asking to look at my ring when I got engaged, and I told her that most people did not ask to look at it. I think maybe gushing over people's rings is more common in some regions and perhaps in past generations as well.
I'm not really into jewelry and find it rude to say 'show me the ring' because it makes it sound like the material part of the proposal is the most exciting when it shouldn't be.
to all the positive comments thankyou. To the harsher ones, also thankyou, its what I needed to hear. But to answer some of the questions, yes I am one of the first girls, both among my friends and at work to get engaged. I also only really started looking at other girls rings in the run up to the engagement so that a good point! Ill try and post a picture of it soon, definitely!
I guess you just build things up in your mind and as well as me being so happy to be engaged/loving my ring I lost sight of the fact to everyone else they are happy initially/then move on/have their own lives etc.
I only made the point about Tiffany as that was my dream ring, but now I wander if I had bought a non Tiffany and got a bigger rock, if I'd get more a reaction. I just care way way too much about other peoples opinions and reactions to me and also get inwardly insecure/envious of so much with other girls if they have something different/bigger/better than me without stopping to look at what I have and that people actually may be envious of me too. Its totally just me and my insecurities and over analysis...
Add me to the list of people who wouldn't know if it were a Tiffany ring.
I think the media and magazines make us all believe people are going to be falling over each other to look at our rings. I mean, I look at mine everyday and the other day when I was clocking out for lunch, one of my coworkers from another dept. commented on it only because I was holding the door open for her so it was at eye level. Other than that, people aren't knocking down my door to see the ring.
@jem123: This is funny I ask this, but do you have a picture of your ring?
@ItalianLady: I got the "Its cute" a lot too. LOL. Like what is that? I would never use that as an adjective for a ring. Whatever. I love it, FI loves it, and I have no idea what anyone else things because I haven't bother to ask.
OP- I think it is becoming more common not to comment on girls rings. Some where other jewelry on their ring finger, some don't love their ring, some feel like its a private situation only to be shared with friends and families. I don't think I have ever commented on a random person's engagnement ring (other than on the boards, of course)
If you love the ring, thats all that matters. If you want some validation, post a pic of your ring all here. I am sure all of us would love to see it :)
@jem123: Try to refocus your thoughts about the ring. Someone will always have something "bigger" or "sparklier" or "more expensive" but you know what they will never have?
The relationship and love you have with your FI.
When you found your man, you didn't keep looking for something "bigger" or "better" this ring is a symbol of his love for you and of your coming life together.
It is easy to get sucked into the "materialistic" world of weddings, but stay true to yourself and your FI.
You loved the ring when you picked it out. Your FI loves you and bought you this ring as a symbol of that. Other people have NO say on how you feel about it.
Admire your ring, and every time you look at it, remind yourself it means you are spending the rest of your life with someone you love dearly who feels the same way about you.
Hey, people deal with those insecure issues all the time and I'm sure lots of them over the same exact thing. It's hard especially to picture the way people will react, have them crowd around to oooh and aaah and not have it go that way. The reality that people will say 'congrats' and move on is a tough one and many on these boards are realizing it as well.
You sound like a very self aware lady, so use this whole thing as an awesomely positive growth opportunity. You got the ring you wanted from the man you wanted and you can work on the way you respond to others reactions to you and not let it validate you. Its a win, win, win.
I think its rude to ask about people’s rings, so I never ask anyone about their ring (except maybe a best friend). No one has really asked too much about my ring, but I don’t take it personally, I think a lot of people are uncomfortable to ask about things like that (and that sort of have to do with $$).
I wouldn’t know a Tiffany ring from a Costco ring to be honest with you, I’m just not into jewelry. I notice if a ring is sparkly or not and that’s about it lol
I think too, that having a Tiffany’s ring was important to you, and so your FH did what you asked. He spent $13k, and for that price, yes, you could have gotten a larger diamond but it wouldn’t have been a Tiffany’s ring (and may have been a lesser quality stone), or you could have the specific Tiffany’s ring that you asked for. It sounds like you told him that having the blue and white box was what was most important to you regarding rings, which is what he went with. There is no right answer to what you “should” have done – he asked you what you wanted, you told him, he got it.
It's not the price of the ring, or even the size, that gets people excited--it's just the circle you run with, most likely. I ask to see peoples' rings all the time, but to be 100% honest, now that I'm already married and this is less at the front of my mind, I do it more because I know how happy other people sometimes are to have someone take an interest, or just because I'm excited for the person that is recently engaged, than because I'm *actually* interested in the ring. Not all people are that accommodating. ;) Maybe the people you know outside of your inner circle just don't care that much about rings, and I doubt they'd care much more if your diamond were bigger.
If you want people you hardly know to ooh and aah over it, though... post a picture here! :)
Lol I truly can relate, my FI spent literally 13.2k at Tiff's for a ring I LOVE! But when I first put it on i almost expected everyone to love it as I do. At first I was shocked that the parking garage valet didn't gasp in awe at its perfection. And I was a little sad. Then I realized how special it is to me and how much he loves that he found my "perfect ring"
Mine is a .77 Lucida, but with 2 side bagguets (.14 each?) on a thin band, so there aren't very many of them, actually there were only 4 of them that could be flown in for him to choose from. With the price you pay for what you love, all that matters is that YOU love it.
Most of my friends have no clue that it came in the little blue box. And they will never know how much he spent, because most of them have larger rings for less than 1/3 of what FI spent.
For me Tiff was worth it, I love my ring. its not huge, but when i look at my finger it looks just right.
But when I was going through what you are, I looked online at wedding bands. And I LOVE LOVE LOVE how my ring looks with the band I picked :)
SO you need to ask yourself, if it is really other's lack of response that made you like your ring less. If that is all, go back to Dr. Suess. "those who mind don't matter, and those that matter don't mind."
If you truly don't like your ring, and you don't think the perfect band will make it better, then perhaps you should look into talking to him about a possible future upgrade or handing over the blue box and go for something else. Its really up to you. But don't love it less because of other people!
I love my Tiffany's ring, I love how my ring sparkles and how special i feel that he picked it just for me. I adore how much he loves it. And I like how the channel set band goes perfectly. Look for the positives, remember why you first loved it in the store :)
@jem123: there is always going to be someone with a bigger house than you, a nicer car, a bigger ring, ect. On the flipside, there is always going to be someone with a smaller house, a crappier car, a smaller ring, ect.
It's impossible to appreciate what you have when you're so focused on what everyone else has. The girl in the next office has a gorgeous ring. Three times the size of mine. She's also in a horribly unhappy marriage. Just because her ring is bigger doesn't mean her marriage (or life, for that matter) are any better.
Yep, you sound ungrateful. Just be happy with what you have. Frankly, no-one is going to care as much about your ring (or wedding for that matter) as you do. You sound like your yearning for attention, especially by feeling the need to post the price (and adding that its one month of your FI’s salary). Sorry if this sounds harsh but for some reason this post just didn’t sit well with me. It could be the fact that I’m PMS’ing but who knows…
I’m sure your ring is lovely and as long as you love it, that’s really all that matters.
I really wonder if OP (who is brand new to Wedding Bee) just started this thread with the intent of making us bee's angry...to be upset that no one is completely fawning and falling over a $13 000 ring is kinda ridiculous.
Thankshappybritt, your ring sounds amazing and thing is I also LOVE my ring, Im also excited about a more intricate Chanel Tiffany style wedding band that I think will pick up on it, but not overpower it, but really complement each other .
Thankx to the ladies who despite not fully understanding and thinking I am over reating have tried to empathise. I didnt post to cause a reaction AT ALL and prepared myself for people just feeling Im ungrateful. Ive admitted how insecure I am and have an awful habit of living more through how I perceive other people to see me and doing things to be liked/admired, than through my own eyes.
I guess it wasnt helped by 2 of my close female friends asking, when we'd had a few too many wines how much the ring was (both are nowhere even close to being engaged may I add!) , I told them and they said, as they know he is a city guy, that he should have spent 2 months salary!! I hear a slight negative and just let it burn up and take over everything good...
I know my ring is all about what it symbolises too and I've got an amazing man who is actually willing to put up with me and all my, clear faults and issues!
I was just really asking how you ladies had found other peoples reactions to you ring really, sorry if what I said really grates on you.
@bride123:I'm sure that wasn't her intention. But she does sound young. I.e, less life experience than others. (??)
@jem123: We all have our flaws...don't sweat it :) Welcome to the bee by the way...I noticed that you are a newbie!
Future MrsWood, ah thankyou!! Its nice to at least be somewhere where you get an instant reaction to all wedding related issues, even if telling you some home truths!!
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