'Ring Guilt' – did you experience this?

posted 3 years ago in Rings
  • poll: Ring Guilt:
    My e-ring was in the 1 – 5000 range and I did not experience ring guilt : (128 votes)
    34 %
    My e-ring was in the 5001 – 10000 range and I did not experience ring guilt : (58 votes)
    15 %
    My e-ring was 10000+ and I did not experience ring guilt : (54 votes)
    14 %
    My e-ring was in the 1 – 5000 range and I did experience ring guilt : (54 votes)
    14 %
    My e-ring was in the 5001 – 10000 range and I did experience ring guilt : (43 votes)
    11 %
    My e-ring was 10000+ and I did experience ring guilt : (30 votes)
    8 %
    My ring was an heirloom so the options above don't really apply : (9 votes)
    2 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    844 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2015

    Yes, but honestly I took it as flattery. Even though my ring is tinytinytiny it still cost a heck of a lot more than others – and though the ring itself isn’t too much once someone knows the price they go ‘wait, you spent HOW much?! That’s insane! I could insure my car for that!’

    But I don’t mind it.

    Post # 4
    Member
    1951 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: February 2014

    @Arshim:  No ring guilt here. I know mine was very expensive, and much more than the “normal” amount people spend. My FI has been very smart about his money, and as a result, it made getting my ring possible. I don’t think anyone should feel guilty because their partner bought them something, regardless of cost. I feel very fortunate and blessed, not guilty. 

    Post # 5
    Member
    1526 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    @Arshim:  When I first saw my ring, I loved it.  I tried to figure out how much DH paid for it and I immediately got ring guilt.  Luckily I was way off, and it was way less than I thought.  It was still alot of money, but DH got a great deal and he is very proud of the ring…and so am I!

    Post # 6
    Member
    274 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2014

    Mine was just over 5k and I did feel bad, still do.   Though he does have a good job and the means to afford it.    It will be on my finger for the rest of my life, have no desire to ‘upgrade’ it.

    Post # 7
    Member
    1931 posts
    Buzzing bee

    My set will be around $3000 and I honestly find it to be about $2500 too much. I hate that he wants to spend a minimum of $1500 on my engagement ring and it makes me feel so guilty. I wish he would just let me get a plain gold band or a teeny moissanite band and be done with it.

    Post # 8
    Member
    2209 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    @Arshim:  Yes, I have ring guilt.  : FI bought the ring on credit and talks about how much is left before it’s paid off all of the time.  It makes me feel bad. I don’t know exactly how much he spent, but from the statement of value provided by the jeweler, it appears to be in the 9-10K range.  I bought my last car for 10K (with a trade in, but not a very big trade in!).

    However, I didn’t pick the ring, so sometimes I get all indignant in my mind and think “He decided to spend that much; you didn’t have any say!” in self response to the ring guilt.

    But, yeah, I definitely wouldn’t have spent this much on a ring for me.  LOL

    Post # 9
    Member
    1931 posts
    Buzzing bee

    @DomesticDiva:  That’s kinda crappy that he keeps reminding you of that. I’d be pissed if my SO did that because it was supposed to be a GIFT.

    Post # 10
    Member
    687 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2014

    I actually found an option that was about $1K under budget ($2K instead of $3K), so no ring guilt here! We did agree to upgrade to a 3 stone after the wedding – he offered to do it now, but right now our priority is saving up for the big day and I wouldn’t have wanted him to go over budget.

     

    Post # 11
    Member
    2061 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    I voted 5k-10k and no guilt….My ring came in about 1-2k under FI’s budget, we were together for 6 years before getting engaged, and he was so over the moon proud of the ring-there was no way I could feel bad about it. He is still so mushy-gushy over the ring (we’ve been engaged for a year and 4 months)..I know he never felt an ounce of hesitation or thought “holy shit, that’s expensive”, so I haven’t either.

    Post # 12
    Member
    2209 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    @musician32992:  I don’t think he says it to intentionally make me feel bad, but it just ends up doing that.  I think he’s just trying to keep me in the loop, since once he gets it paid off, he’ll be able to contribute more to our wedding fund.

    Post # 13
    Hostess
    9903 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: May 2014

    Mine was under $5000, and I do feel guilty about it from time to time, but not really.  Yes it’s a chunk of money, yes that money could be doing other things right now, but FH really wanted to spend an appropriate amount (his words) on my ring and not ‘cheap out’ (again, his words).  I adore my ring and plan on wearing it until I’m buried, so in the cost per wear category, it’s pretty darn inexpensive 🙂

    Post # 14
    Member
    332 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: November 2014 - Sea Ranch Lodge

    Over $10k and no ring guilt – we have all of our finances in order and it was in his budget.

    If we still needed to buy a house, cars, pay off student loans, etc. I would probably have a different perspective though. I don’t think a ring should set you back on other priorities.

    Post # 15
    Member
    736 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: March 2014

    @Arshim:  Sometimes I look at my finger and get angry at my ring. It is the most expensive possession I own and have ever owned, yet it is only $2500. With my wedding bands, I will have $3100 on my little finger. Sometimes I feel guilty because my FI band only cost $45 bucks. Sometimes I look at it in wonder and I feel so blessed that someone loved me enough to put something this expensive on my finger as a sign of commitment. No one has ever loved me unconditionally, and this man does. Sometimes I get lost in the sparkle and beauty of the diamonds.

    In the end, I’m grateful. I have been poor my entire life. I spent years as a child with one pair of pants eating rotten potatoes and American cheese. In a handful of years, I will graduate and make more money than I ever dreamed of. This ring is a sign of things to come. A wonderful husband and a life I never thought I would have.

    Post # 16
    Member
    462 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    My ring will be just over 1k and I do feel really guilty about FI spending that much on it.

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