(Closed) Ring improvement – what would you do, Bees?

posted 5 years ago in Rings
  • poll: what to do?
    Do nothing, let it be. Try to love the ring you got : (43 votes)
    66 %
    Upgrade the stone via the store : (4 votes)
    6 %
    Upgrade, but get your own loose stone for a bit less : (12 votes)
    18 %
    Other (explain please) : (6 votes)
    9 %
  • Post # 3
    277 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    I definitely don’t think you should do this without telling your fiance.  If you tell him you want an upgrade, then yes, his feelings may be hurt.  But if you do an upgrade without telling him, and then he finds out, then you’re the girl that didn’t like her ring AND lied to him about it, AND went behind his back to get something else.  

    Won’t he know you’ve upgraded when you start looking at platinum bands and they match your ring perfectly? Won’t he recognize that it’s not the ring he bought you?

    I can understand that you want an upgrade, but sneaking around behind his back is not the correct way to go about this.

    Post # 4
    963 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2011

    Why do you want to upgrade if you can’t tell the difference between your stone and higher quality stones? I guess it’s up to your personal preference, but I don’t really understand why you think upgrading would change your ring’s appearance when you said the stones all looked the same at the jewelry store.

    As far as the metal, I think it is important for wedding band and e-ring to match, so maybe you can look for a similar setting that’s in platinum.


    Post # 7
    362 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: August 2014

     If you come from the school of thought that says it’s inappropriate or ungrateful to upgrade before getting married or some big anniversary – I definitely don’t believe in that. Where I am from it’s a non-issue as long as I am the one who foots the bill for my own fancier tastes.”

    What is the dilemna? Are you concerned about the price difference? I am unclear as to what exactly you unsure about?

    Post # 8
    963 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2011

    @annabelle_lee:  If you’re going to pay a lot of money for a new diamond, I just think you should be sure of what to expect. There’s no harm in asking the shop to let you look at a couple under different light. One of the associates could just go out with you for a few minutes so you can see it. You should also double check the store policy about returning the diamond if you decide to purchase from a different shop (like BlueNile), since they may only allow you to exchange the diamond for a more expensive one.

    I have nothing against upgrades (my ring is upgraded and I love it), but I think it’s a red flag that you want to do all this without talking to your Fiance. You guys are getting married, you should be able to talk about sensitive issues like this. It may not be a pleasant conversation, but he should be in the loop and open to understanding your concerns. Marriage is about compromise, so you two should be able to find a satisfactory solution about the ring.

    Post # 9
    3063 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: November 2012

    If you would like to upgrade your ring to fit your personal preferences that is fine, but don’t do it behind your fiance’s back.

    Post # 10
    2869 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    I think it’s fine to upgrade your ring, especially if you are paying the difference, but I don’t think it’s okay to do it without telling him, even if you don’t think he would notice (so that’s why I selected other)

    Post # 11
    490 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: February 2003

    If you upgrade and change out the stone and your Darling Husband finds out, his trust in you will be gone.  I am absolutely a believer in having the ring you want.  However, not at the expense of trust in a relationship.  Talk to your Fiance, tell him your issues with the diamond and the setting.  Explain that you LOVE the sentiment behind the ring but that the practical side in you wants to get THE best diamond for the dollar and that you want platinum to match the wedding band.  


    I would return the ring WITH your Fiance, get the diamond you want from Blue Nile WITH your Fiance, and use the store credit for a wedding band, maybne earrings or mothers’ gifts for the wedding.  

    Post # 12
    242 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: February 2008

    I agree in that there is nothing wrong with changing/upgrading to something you’re happy with, but absolutely do not do it behind your fiance’s back.  It’s really disrespectful and you might be surprised with how much he notices.  If you do go ahead an upgrade, I would order a loose stone online as brick & mortar stores are much more expensive, and have your local store set it for you, or order the whole thing from an online vendor.  Also, the sales person was most likely correct in steering you away from VVS1, it’s not worth the money for that clarity in my opinion.  Stones are usually eye clean down to VS2, and often SI1’s, there really is no need to go into the VVS1’s unless you’re set on it.  Let us know what you decide!  

    ETA:  I would actually not focus on the clarity and focus on the cut instead.  If you’re looking for sparkle – focus on cut.  Don’t go for very good/good (unless it’s a fancy cut) but if it’s a round, go for Ideal/excellent for the best performance.

    Post # 13
    198 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: September 2009

    Like other folks have been saying, it’s your ring, and you have to be happy with it. But definitely talk it over with your fiance, because it’d be a bit awkward coming up with an excuse for why the ring is missing for x number of days the ring is being upgraded.

    Post # 14
    1252 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: November 2011

    I’m not going to pass any judgment on whether you should do this with or without your FI’s knowledge, but just wanted to make sure that if you do upgrade you don’t end up with a stone that isn’t visibly better.  Going up to VVS1 or IF isn’t going to make your diamond sparkle any more, you won’t be able to see a difference above VS2 without a loop.  The cut is the key to sparkle and brilliance, not the clarity, so I think your money is far better spent upgrading to an Excellent or Ideal Cut and keeping clarity at VS2.

    I personally would find a loose stone online (at Blue Nile, James Allen, or WhiteFlash) and then use it to negotiate a better price with the jewelry store on a stone with similar specs for the upgrade.

    I also know people who have white gold e-rings paired with plat bands (or vice versa) and they aren’t bothered by it, but maybe it is because they have diamond bands so you don’t see much of the metal.  Just something to keep in mind.


    Post # 15
    1021 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    It might be an uncomfortable 5 minutes of your life, but your Fiance deserves to know. You’re not doing anything wrong by upgrading your ring to something you like. Just be mindful of his feelings and approach it in the best way you know how. 

    As far as the diamond, I’d go with Blue Nile and then use the credit from your local store to get wedding bands. Blue Nile lets you view the GIA form for each diamond, which will show you where the inlcusions are on the stone. I’d personally go for something with better cut than clarity. The cut is what makes the stone really sparkle, which is something you said you didn’t like about your original stone. Good luck.

    Post # 16
    55 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: May 2008

    ditto to the cut, the clarity would not make a difference. i would go down to SI2 as long as it is eye clean. and you need to see the diamond in different lightings to make sure it does sparkle. 

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