Post # 1
Let me preface this with asking please no comments on how I should just be happy with anything. I completely understand that works for some people, but I’m one of those people with lots of opinions and preferences.
So, I am officially waiting and have a timeline. SO and I talked last night and he stressed how he wants this to happen naturally ie- not have me talk it to death. I’m a planner- what can I say??? I can definitely do that for him.
My question is about the ring. I know pretty much exactly what I want. I am fairly particular BUT am definitely open to letting him have a say. The issue is that we have never discussed it.
How do I let him know that I prefer white gold or platinum and that I would not want a heart or marquis shaped diamond and that if it’s a solitaire I prefer a wider band??? (God, I’m so freaking picky.) I know I can be super controlling and I’m trying to let this be his thing. While I have an exact ring picked out, I would happily give up control with just a few parameters.
I will wear this ring forever so I want to make sure it’s something I LOVE. I could never tell him after the fact- he is very sensitive about that.
Anyone else been in this situation? I know I’m obsessing- I’m just really, really excited to
Post # 3
@mamadingdong: Would he be open to a shopping trip with you? I am picky as well, and we went to about 5 different stores to look at rings. We ended up going the custom route, but if you’re very specific (like me) then I think the best bet is to go look together. You could even scope out the stores beforehand to make sure they have what you’re looking for. Keep the trip to an hour or so, and then take the dude out for a beer. And let him handle it fron there!
Post # 4
That would be ideal, but after our convo last night I am hesitant to suggest it! He is a pretty laid back guy and I definitely take the reins on most things. He was really clear that he wants this to be his thing. I guess I can let some time pass- our timeline is like March/April and see if he brings it up.
I’m such an overthinker!!
Post # 5
When we started discussing, We looked at a lot of styles, and I picked out ones that I really liked (very consistent–round or cushion center stone, tapered baguettes on the sides). I did specify no princess cut (just a preference), that it must be moissanite, and that I thought bigger than 1ct would look hilariously large.
He had full discretion, but ultimately ended up choosing between round, OEC, and cushion. He chose prong style and metal as well. I was really happy with the end result, and it meant a lot that he put thought and time into picking the ring–he told me why he had made each of the choices that he did, which was really sweet.
I think it was a good balance–he knew I would like whatever he picked, but got to have a lot of ownership over the process. And he did a damn fine job!
Post # 6
@mamadingdong: I was super picky about my ring, but FI really wanted the element of suprise. So we went to all jewerly stores in town and I picked out my favorite at each one. Then we went back and narrowed it down to the top 5 and I gave FI the final say. That way I got a ring I could love for always and he got to have his element of suprise.
Post # 7
@mamadingdong: I also wanted to absolutely love my e-ring and was a little anxious (to myself only) before DH proposed. But he solved the problem for me, I ended up not having to do anything.
He’d mentioned wanting us to get married and then shortly thereafter asked me if I would go ring “window shopping” with him to pick out a few styles of rings I liked. His exact words were that he wanted me to be happy with whatever he chose to get for me. 🙂 I chose about three styles (tried them on, too, to see how they looked on my hand), so he knew my preference was for platinum, princess cut, multiple diamonds, channel set wedding band, etc. I chose one I adored and a couple of others as back ups.
He went back a week or so later and got my favorite e-ring of the bunch and proposed on the same day the jeweler gave it back to him (sized to a 4 to fit me).
Hopefully your SO will ask your ring style preference prior to purchasing something for you. You could always leave a few hints around, like magazine or online pics of your favorite choices. Or email him a couple of style choices. Or, if he’s like my DH, maybe he’ll ask you to go shopping in advance of the proposal, too. It didn’t ruin the surprise for me, even though I knew he was going to propose, I didn’t know with which exact ring or exactly when the proposal would be.
Good luck!! I hope it works out just how you want it to.
Post # 8
I know just how you feel, except that I was worse lol.
I was so picky that I picked the center stone on my own, and I customized a signature design for my e-ring (I went so far as to change melee size and all the bells and whistles).
My BF (now FI) was okay with me choosing the ring because he knew how imporant it was to me, but when I tried to set timelines and such, he got super pissed. So after we put in the ring order and sent out the stone, I wrote him a long letter telling him that I was sorry for putting so much stress on the whole situation, and that rings are just stones and metal, but he is my entire heart.
Maybe you could write him a letter explaining what your dream ring is, and just telling him that he doesn’t have to discuss it with you, you just wanted him to be aware. And then I think I’ll get a ring you love, and if you’re lucky, he might even take you along to shop because he knows how important it is to you.
(But don’t rush a timeline, the proposal scheme is a BIG deal to guys, at least it was to my FI!)
Post # 9
@mamadingdong: totally understand! My FI actually enjoyed the ring shopping process with me, and I am so. freaking. thrilled. with my ring. That’s a tough spot you’re in, but maybe give it a little bit and suggest you make a stop in at a store together just to be sure. I’m sure he wants it to be as perfect as you do. Or, you could be really direct and write down what you want. The thickness, the setting, and a few pictures, and leave it in his wallet. That’s not very subtle, though. But hey, some guys just need to think they did all the work, while us women know sometimes we just need to give them a nudge in the right direction.
Post # 10
@mamadingdong: I’m quite picky too (not controlling though) but that’s because I have certain tastes in jewelry and my DH has zero! what we ended up doing was I went ring shopping and picked out a few bands/settings that I liked, three or four designs at three or four stores. Then all he had to do was go to the stores where they would show him the stuff I picked out, and he handled the rest of it.
Post # 11
@mamadingdong: I think since he said he wants it to be his thing that that should be respected. I was lucky in that my guy was open to my ideas and even a shopping trip. But that took some convincing lol. I think since he has already expressed his feelings on it, any pushing will not be taken well by him. I think just seeing what happens in the next couple months is a good idea.
Post # 12
@mamadingdong: Tell him something like this:
“Darling, I know you want this to happen naturally but you know how I’m a planner and quite particular in the clothes/jewelry I wear. I know that you’d hate it if you spent time saving for a ring and picking one out and I didn’t like it. I won’t keep bringing this up, but can you please file this away for future reference – I want X metal and I hate X, Y, Z shape diamond. Here’s a few pictures of styles I like.”
Easy. Even send it to him in an email so he can file it for later.
I’m even pickier than you, and we’ll probably end up ordering the ring together. I’m not concerned w. having a romantic proposal or anything, though… and I don’t want a surprise ring. If I’m going to wear it for the next 30+ years I damn well better have a say in it 😛
I see nothing wrong with giving your preferences. It’ll help him out as well. You could even do a bit more research and say something like “I am ok with not having a D, E, F diamond, but clarity is extremely important to me” (or whatever).
Post # 13
Actually I think the best way to do it is to find a “chance” situation (by that I mean make it happen lol) where you two will be by jewelry or rings where you can casually be like “omg I love that!” or “i love this style ring!”. A good idea might be to say you need to go find a ring as a gift (maybe mom or sister or best friend etc) and then casually throw in stuff like “hmm Im trying to pick with them inmind but I have such specific taste in jewelry this is gonna be tough! like if it wer eme I know I like a,b,c,d and I really would not like a,b,c,d ya know? so hopefully so and so will like my taste as well!”
its indirect but it might get the point across.
Post # 14
I think you have a couple of options:
1) Let him propose with a fake ring or a stand in ring then let you pick it out. That way he can 100% control the timeline and proposal and you still get the ring of your dreams
2) Let him take you ring shopping and you can both see. Maybe when he sees your face light up over the ring of your dreams, he’ll buy it! (this is what we did)
3) Send him pics, details and a link to your ring, then let him propose on his own and you’ll keep your mouth shut.
Post # 15
@Kat: Oh, girl, don’t get me started. I found the exact ring I want at one store. But I don’t like the cathedral setting so I would have to get a wedding band and have the prongs set in that. THEN I want the diamond from another jeweler because I know we can get a great deal. (Friend got the deal of the century with a 2ct stone for 9k that appraised for almost $20k.) I really wish I could just tell him all this, but hi- I basically just took care of everything.
Maybe he will suggest ring shopping??
I have told him on many occassions that I already have an idea and that I would like to have a say. I hope he remembers! I do love the letter idea. Like, maybe I could send an email letting him know that we will get an amazing deal at XX jeweler and here are few ideas and I love you and will never speak of this again and hey- you don’t even have to respond to this!
Post # 16
Make a folder on the computer desktop with pictures of the rings you like. He can see it on his own time when he’s ready to shop.