Post # 1
Hey everyone.<br /><br />Seeing the results of other posts like this I hesitate to post, but I’m risking it anyway just because I don’t feel like there’s anyone I can talk to about it.<br /><br />I love my fiance. We’ve lived together for 4.5 years and I know he loves me. We talked about rings, and I made it clear that I wanted a traditional round, white gold solitaire. I don’t wear a ton of jewlery, and the stuff that I do wear is all pretty simple… I have a couple of plain silver bangle bracelets, and an amethst dragonfly on a chain and thats basically it. no jewlery box, and I don’t even own any other rings. I wanted to get something I saw as timeless and that would match anything I wore, from the wedding ring to other jewelry or clothing, and was worried that going with something ornate or colored or faddy would limit that.
We live in NYC, and though we’re both in our 30s, I have a lot of school debt and he doesn’t make a lot of money. He got me this .4ct solitaire.<br /><br />And basically…. though I know you’re all going to think I’m terrible for feeling this way… I’m just a little ambivalent. I’m all caught up in the wedding industrial complex and I’m a little self conscious about what people think. While people tend not to say things outright (my friends are nicer than that) I feel that my traditional friends think its too small, (suddenly on here and elsewhere I’m reading that 1ct is standard and all of this other stuff I never thought to look up or care about until now) and all of my quirky friends think its boring because they all have intricate settings or gemstones.<br /><br />No one has given me that newly engaged obligatory “oooh its so pretty” and while I know thats not why I’m getting married and I love him and if we were completely broke I would marry him without any ring at all- It still kind of hurts. I’m kind of wondering if maybe I was wrong to push such a boring design. Maybe especially with us not having a lot of money, I should have thought of something more interesting and inexpensive- or at least told him that was ok rather than sticking with my wanting a solitaire. <br /><br />I know it shouldn’t matter what anyone else thinks, and we all say that we’re like that and I’m sure a bunch of you will say I’m being materialistic or gold digging or something, or “fuck them who cares” but its a lot easier to say that than it is to feel it, and I want to feel completely happy and confident, not like this. I’m even sort of dreading going to his cousin’s enagagement party next week because I don’t want to go through the whole ring comparison thing that seems to happen every time engaged girls get together.<br /><br />I don’t want to feel this way. I want to enjoy my engagement and the excitement that comes with it. What should I do? This is not about my fiance. It’s completely about me.<br /><br /><br /><br />
Post # 2
I think your ring is lovely, it is classic and tasteful and looks fab on your hand, however I know it’s easy to say that and hard to change personal feelings. Do you think you will always wear it after the wedding? I know alot of women who don’t wear alot of jewellery and so after the wedding tend to only wear the wedding ring, is that something you would be likely to do?
I ask because you could just make sure you get a wedding ring you adore, then if you still don’t love your engagement ring you could just wear the band? Although both together would look stunning I am sure.
I think you should go to the engagement party with your head held high, it is a gorgeous ring, you are marrying someone you love, you should feel proud! At the very least fake it til you make it! No one needs to how you feel, don’t give anyone ammunition.
Post # 3
Do you have the funds to switch it? Do you want a larger stone, a different setting, or non-diamond center? How would your man feel if you switched it? Have you mentioned how you are feeling to him?
It is very easy to doubt yourself, I have a small solitare at my request, and periodically I get similar feelings to what you are saying. I’m another non-jewellery wearing girl. A couple weeks ago we went camping and I left my ring at home, when we got back, I was so happy to put on the ring we picked together, it made me realize how much I treasured the ring I had.
I would suggest going and trying on different styles, see how you actually like them on your hand, this might clarify your thoughts a bit.
Post # 4
- Wedding: Royal Park Hotel
amandarosesmithmusic: This will pass. Once things go into full swing with wedding planning and after you pick out a wedding band you won’t even care about your ring being “too small”
If you’re bummed about your ring all I can say is….make sure you ADORE your wedding band. Pick something gorgeous, something that compliments your delicate solitaire in a way that actually enhances it! Then you’ll fall in love with the e-ring/wedding ring combo.
Post # 5
I really like your ring. If you’re not one to wear jewelry I think it’s a great size. I have a 1.5ct and it constantly snags on things and I wish I went smaller. 0.4ct seems like the perfect size to wear every day for a lifetime 🙂
Post # 6
I think its simple elegant and beautiful. But unfortunately I know EXACTLY how you feel. I didn’t really share my feelings about it but I felt really insecure about my ring as well when I got it. I had always thought I wanted just a simple solitaire. My ring was a .72 Leo diamond solitaire and yes it was gorgeous. The insecurity came because sooo many people I knew were getting much more detailed intricate rings from there FI. I also felt like my ring wasn’t “enough” and I was getting the ooh pretty comments. I ended up resetting my ring to a more intricate band when I went to get it sized.. I totally love it now! I did regret resetting it when looking at wedding bands because you can do SO MUCH with a solitaire (wraps, enhancers, band etc…) and it was very hard to match my new setting. I found one and it’s my dream ring and I am beyond happy Now.. But I do think you should stick with it and be proud if you love the simple elegance.. You can glam it up a bit with a beautiful wedding band or enhancer!! Either way.. You loving it is what’s important.. That is what I realized because it’s something I will keep forever. 🙂
Post # 7
<h2>Franklyn- we might have the funds- but my fiance is understandably touchy about it. Even though I said before hand what I wanted, he did go and pick it out himself. I sort of tentatively brought it up, not saying it was small or anything but that I wondered if I should have considered other settings, and he wasn’t enthused. We havent gotten it sized yet (only got engaged a week ago!) but I’m pretty hesitant to talk about resetting it when we do.<br /><br />I thought about just getting a more intricate band, or having us get custom matching ones (He’s really into the idea of matching ones so something really girly probably wont work)<br /><br />I think part of my feelings stem just from the idea of wearing something every day for the rest of your life. First that was why I wanted simple- and now its why I’m worried about it. Ugh. I’m crazy. I know.<br /><br /><br /></h2>
Post # 8
I saw this set on stone fox brides Instagram ages ago. You could do something like this, as well as a thin band that matches your fis?
Post # 9
I really like that, but the tricky thing about enhancers (at least when its in ADDITION to a wedding band) is that it seems like he thinks it means what he gave me isnt enough. And I don’t want him to feel that way. He gave me exactly what I asked for. <br /><br />But maybe theres a way to do a band thats a little jazzy but would still kind of match one for him.
Post # 10
amandarosesmithmusic: It’s a beautiful ring and you chose well if you want something timeless and classy that will span a lifetime. Based on your current jewelry collection, or lack thereof, I think this current feeling towards your ring will pass. Do you really want an over the top, stone encrusted, trendy twig design, quadruple halo, center stone too big folks think it’s fake monstrosity (relax bees, just some dramatic effect here) that you really will regret years from now?
I totally understand that that perhaps it may appear too “boring” for NYC (I live in DC), but if you are in your 30’s and your simple tastes in jewelry never bothered you before, chances are this is just a fleeting moment of “the grass is greener.” I bet if you upgraded to something more flashy you will feel uncomfortable wearing it. Just be true to yourself!
Again, it’s gorgeous and perfect
Post # 11
- Wedding: November 2014 - Lacuna Artist Lofts
I have a 1 ct solitare, with twisted band. It is simple, though has a little something extra. However, I really wanted a halo. Instead, I decided that I will get an awesome, sparkly wedding band that will not take away from the engagement ring, but will help offset it, and be great on its own too. Sometimes I get ring envy, but at the end of the day, I’m still going to end up married. Maybe down the road I’ll look into a fancier ring, and move this to my right hand.
I do love your ring though. It is genuine and classic.
Post # 12
amandarosesmithmusic: Well then, allow me to say that it really is SO PRETTY. The diamond looks very nice indeed!
It’s totally normal to compare. This feeling will eventually pass. It’s going to be ok. 🙂
I chose my ring, but had some “diamond shrinkage”. (This is where the diamond looks a bit smaller after you become accustomed to it.) It turns out it was just lonely- As soon as we added the sparkly wedding band, it was perfect. I also have a 2mm plain band for work and the gym.
I see that your FI likes the idea of matching bands. What if you had 2? That’s handy anyways. One sparkly for fun, and one plain for those times when diamonds aren’t practical. You could use the plain one for the ceremony to make it your official wedding band.
A whole carat being the norm… I’m not sure about that, though I know NYC has a higher than normal average diamond size. I have a half carat center and my ring is often bigger than others. Many are in the same general range. It’s possible that the owners of these larger stones are especially fond of jewellery and thus more likely to post them in the forums. Many are also simulants, achieving that “big rock” look for less.
Keeping it clean and sparkling will help it look its biggest. I’m still addicted to super clean rings… They just look so bright and beautiful.
One more thing I can suggest: search old threads for half carat rings (0.4-0.6). I did this when I was thinking mine was small, and there are some seriously amazing rings at that size! When you see them on other hands, you can really see how nice and elegant that size looks. Bonus: you can probably also see a variety of wedding bands paired with them.
Lastly, CONGRATULATIONS on your engagement! Very exciting indeed.
Post # 13
amandarosesmithmusic: there is no obligatory oooh it’s pretty. And 1 ct. isn’t standard — that’s just what the marketers want you to believe.
I’m sorry you don’t like your ring but maybe folks are picking up on your ambivalence so they are taking their cues from you as so not to offend.
Post # 14
I really think a new setting or an enhancer would do the trick! One bee reset her ring instead of getting a wedding band and my god was new new setting increadible! Intricate and beautiful! Would your FI be okay with that?
Post # 15
I did a post kinda similar to this one a little while ago. My problem wasn’t regretting it though. Kinda like you, I felt like people would look down on me for having a small ring. I love my ring though. It is what I wanted. Like you, I like more simple designs. My FH got me another ring to replace it later (white sapphire instead of the original diamond first one). He thought I would want more bling for the big day. Although I love that he was thinking about me, it isn’t my style. I know it is hard, but if you love him and KNOW you love that style of ring, then it is the right one for you. First pic is my ring. Second pic was supposed to be the replacement for the wedding, which I decided against.