Post # 1
BF and I have been talking about getting engaged for a while now–he’s told me within the year and is saving for a ring.
I’ve e-mailed him my top three online pics including their prices just so he’ll know what to get when the time comes and how much he needs to save (I’m a bit picky, but I want him to have a choice too, so I’ve sent him a number of choices within our price range). He usually just says thank you and that he’ll add it to the waiting pile in the back of his mind.
I’d really like to actually GO ring shopping, however, so I can try things on and really know what I want, EXACTLY how much it will cost, if modifications can be made to the setting, etc., but I’m not sure how to bring it up or even if I should. We’re both very much online shoppers, so I don’t even really know if he is planning on/has thought of physically going shopping, so I dunno if I should maybe just mention that I’d like to go at some point?
I also kind of feel like although he’s very accepting (and often encouraging) of my ring e-mails, he seems like he doesn’t really want to talk about it/acknowledge ring shopping outloud until his money is all saved up and it’s time to actually go get it.
He’s also said numerous times that he really wished a ring wasn’t necessary–which I don’t necessarily believe is sincere–he’s a far too traditional man for that. In a way, I think he’s sort of started to dislike the ring itself since he says it takes so long to save for and he wants to propose to me sooner rather than later. In the process of saving for a ring, I feel like he’s kind of started to blame the ring itself for not being engaged if that makes any sense. Not sure how to reintroduce the ring as a possitive thing–I really do want ring shopping to be a possitive experience for both of us and mean a lot, but it seems like all he sees right now is the money.
I dunno…just kind of unsure about the whole thing. Did your FI suggest ring shopping? Did you have to plant the idea there first? How did he feel about the whole thing? Any advice is welcomed! 🙂
Post # 3
Actually I find nothing wrong with it! 🙂 I dropped some hints for sure. We never really like went shopping and tried things on, but I did drag him quickly through a couple of times while we were in the mall. The one he ended up getting me was one that I saw in Kay’s and absolutely loved. So I’m glad we weren’t super secretive about it, because the one I ended up getting I loooooooove and I really don’t think it makes it any less special. He made a couple little adjustments of his own to it though – like the ring originally came with four small stones to make up a center but he altered it so that it has a single larger center stone. That was a good surprise!
Post # 4
i went ring shopping with my mister. i suggested it, telling him that it would be a great opportunity for me to get officially sized and to check out how a ring looks on my hand and to get a better idea of what size diamond would look good. he agreed and off we went. good thing because the ring style i was telling him i liked didn’t look all that hot on my hand and we didn’t care for it either. we also saw that a smaller diamond looks better than a larger one, which looked really gaudy. we found a ring style that we both love and i’m looking forward to finally seeing what he ended up picking out.
i say you should bring it up. it doesn’t hurt!
Post # 5
if this is what you want, i think you should tell him! i am a huge advocate of ring shopping together. as much as people say a proposal should be the guys decision, marriage is a joint decision and i believe ALL aspects(including a large purchase) need to be discussed jointly. the proposal can still be a surprise. marriage is about the both of you–it makes total sense for you to have input on a decision on a piece of beautiful jewlery that you will wear for the rest of your life. again, this is just my opinion, but i am very opinionated when it comes to big decisions like this 🙂
and yes, i actually picked out my exact ring. i tried to give him three choice once we shopped and he told me i needed to pick one. so i did, and then he picked out a diamond without me there. the proposal was still super romantic because i didnt know that the ring had come in yet.
Post # 6
He may feel that you are putting certain expectations on this ring, that he can’t comply with. It’s a pretty stressful situation. If you do really want to go shopping, I think that this is a good idea (however, he may oppose to if he wants to do the whole surprise thing).
I did not pick out my own ring. My FI did ask me what type of stone I liked, and what type of metal. He picked the rest.
Post # 7
Thank you all for your wonderful advice!!
I think the general consensus is that it’s a good idea to go ring shopping together and I should make mention of it at some point…the next question is how exactly do I bring it up? Do y’all have any good ideas of how to tactfully bring up/suggest ring shopping without overwhelming him?
Thank you in advance!
Post # 8
My BF was the same way. He didnt really want to talk about the ring or getting one until he had money saved for it. I feel the same way you do, i thouhgt he kind of resented the fact that he didnt have enough money saved. All I can suggest to hang in there and try not to bring up a whole lot. I was patient and we went shopping this past weekend and got a ring! Dont worry when it is right HE will be the one bringing it up.
Post # 9
i don’t think there is any reason why you couldn’t try get a sense of what he was wanting to spend on a ring, and then ask to go ring shopping to try to find something that is in the budget together. even if he is paying for it, chances are, while he’s saving or paying it off, you’ll be affected financially to some extend (i.e. i’m paying more wedding related things while he’s paying off in the ring). i think you can go about it very responsibily and once you get a price point, try to find something you absolutely love in that range, and do it together.
then again, my fiance and i have a relationship where we have always made ALL decisions together. he may make more money, but he knows damn well that i want my say when he makes a decision that will affect both of us 🙂 i know being this straightforward doesn’t work for everyone.