Post # 1
Here is some background to my situation:
About 2 months ago my SO and had several discussions and here are the high points:
- I should go look at rings to see what I like (in terms of stone shape and setting style)
- When we go on vacation NEXT week we would go check out jewelry stores together because I told him I always liked pictures of Verragio rings but we don’t have a dealer locally. (Note: we decided this months ago)
- We both want to get married May 2014 – it will be a small wedding but still there is some planning that needs to be done.
Well, I’m your typically Type A impatient personality and I knew it would be a while before a trip so I decided to just put the ring shopping idea on simmer for a while so I don’t drive myself crazy but he ended up asking me on two seperate occassions “did you go look at rings yet?” So I finally went one Sunday to the mall stores and I found one that I liked but wasn’t just completely besides myself over it.
The next Saturday I went to a local shop and I found a fantastic ring! I put it on and then basically all of the other rings were dead to me. The sales lady took my SOs info and wrote down my info and gave me a card with the same info on it. I took a pic on my cell phone and went on my happy way.
I told SO about the ring and also let him know that it had a higher carat weight than the Verragio settings I had been eyeing and cost less! When we first talked he just said he knew I would want something very sparkly, so I went on to explain how much more sparkly the local ring would be by comparing carat weights. He’s an engineer and I’m an accountant so these convos are typical. 🙂
In the meantime we have had many other meaningful convos about the future. None of them have been about the proposal or engagement but moreso the marriage and my moving into his house after the wedding. Also of importance we exchanged texts where he said I wish we lived together so I could come home to you every night and I said Well how about me and you get married 🙂 and he replied “Workin’ on it ;)”
So here is the what would you do portion:
We are going out of town next week which we were supposed to originally go ring shopping but also could possibly be a good place for him to pop the big question as I feel proposal is immenent since we want to get married in May. Do I bring up ring shopping or keep quiet on the off chance he does propose? I wouldn’t want to ruin his suprise by mentioning rings or if he did buy the local ring make him question his purchase by suggesting looking at more rings. But, I also have no reason to believe he did buy the local one.
Also, I usually do not keep anything hidden so if I am excited about something everyone knows and I think he took my not looking at rings immediately a few months ago as that I was not excited. That completely wasn’t the case but I don’t want him to think I’m not thilled about getting engaged because I am acting out of character trying to let him have his moment… when I have no idea when his moment will be!
Post # 3
@sugar_biscuit: Well, if you 100% know you want the ring you’ve already found, don’t mention it. That way he knows you still really want that one and at the same time, you don’t have to feel the pressure of wondering if you should mention it or not!! Good luck!!
Post # 4
@MrsJX3: Good idea! Thanks for the advice!
I feel so inept at this whole waiting thing becuase I don’t want to feel like I pressured or coerced him. But he’s used to me being pretty vocal about things.
Post # 5
@sugar_biscuit: Well, I think you can rest easy knowing you were pretty vocal about which ring you want. I say still talk about your future and excitement about it, still be as chatty as you normally would be. Just don’t mention the ring, assuming he knows what you want and has the info on it. If he said he’s working on it, take that for what he said and just be happy and chat away!!
Post # 6
@sugar_biscuit: Leave it be. He has all the info on the ring you love. I’m also very Type A. So I know if I *love* something, there’s no doubt my SO knows. I’m very vocal about everything. It sounds like you might be similar. In that case, there’s no way he could be in the dark about your feelings for that ring! He’ll either buy it, or one he likes better. If he brings up shopping, then do what you’d like (check it out to see if there’s one you love more, or tell him no, you’ve found your love, you don’t want to look at others!)
The proposal is imminent. Enjoy. It could be any moment. 🙂
Post # 7
Great advice from the other Bees…
I’d say let it ride… and let him take the lead.
Maybe he’ll get you the other Ring as a surprise… and Propose on the Vacation.
Or maybe he’ll be sticking with the Original Plan, and go shopping together.
Either way, go with the flow.
BUT do be honest with him… if you guys go Ring Shopping, and you don’t see anything you love as much, he needs to know that.
Besides, I also find that when you shop together, there is a new dynamic that comes into play…
When I shopped alone, I thought I wanted a particular style
When I went shopping with Mr TTR, he had his thoughts on the matter, and input in regards to Budget etc.
In the end we didn’t end up with the very first ring I fell in love with…
We got something entirely different, that I must admit I LOVE TONS MORE
Lol, because it was a decision we made together, we now often call it OUR ERING… as it truly represents BOTH of us
And I couldn’t be happier !!
Post # 8
@sugar_biscuit: I would bring it up – this isn’t the 1950s and you’re supposed to be a team, not waiting for your man to take the lead in buying you something that YOU’LL have to wear forever 😉
Post # 9
@DarlingClementine: Thank you all for your advice! I went to his house last night and once again he brought up the fact that he couldn’t wait for me to move in. Well, its no secret to him that I refuse to sell my house until we are bona-fide MARRIED. And, I’m not going to continue to make the mortgage payment on my beautiful house and let it sit empty to go live at his house. I will say that I think that he does feel more urgency to get married since I am not living at his house and its not always convenient for him to see me.
So, I followed up and asked him so are you still thinking May is when you’d like for us to get married. He said I want to get married whenever you do. I said, wait just a minute when do YOU want to get married. He then said, I would marry you tomorrow. I said well, I can’t get married tomorrow because I have to work and I have no dress. (Not to mention no ring and it takes three days to get a marriage license here!)
I think in my own way I am following each of your advice. I will not bring up the ring by itself but continue talking about marriage and the proposal will happen whenever it happens. Of course I have to get my nails done beforehand because they have to look nice whether or not we go ring shopping or something bigger happens!
@This Time Round: By the way I always love reading your advice on these boards. 🙂
Yes!!! I would love it to be a joint effort! Actually for Christmas last year he got me a beautiful necklace and to be honest I probably wouldn’t have bought it for myself and everytime I wear it I get so many compliments and he seems really happy when I wear it. So I would love the engagement ring to be a great combination of something that I like and something that he can see me wearing. I told him that I would love any ring he got for me but that I would be thrilled if it was white gold and had round stones. 🙂
I am excited about vacation next week. I will just go with the flow and enjoy all of my time with him and see what develops!
Post # 10
Well I am back but there was no proposal… YET!
I did come back with a new bracelet from Tiffanys but we did not do any ring shopping.
So I had a very candid convo with SO to which he basically said the proposal was coming but that he didn’t want to do it on our vacation because he knew I didn’t like football. (One of the major purposes of said trip was to go watch college football. SO holds season tickets to his college’s games but I told him one game a season was plenty for me and now his friends love me! Ha!)
He also said he was sorry that he was unaware that I had a timeline in mind and he was not meeting it. I said I didn’t have a timeline per say but that if he was serious about getting married in May that it was 6-7 months away and that for 3 of those months I can’t plan anything because of my work. He then said well I thought we were going to get married out of country and I said well we can’t plan anything until we are engaged and I’m sure the people we invite would like some notice.
He also said he wanted the proposal to be a special occassion and that this was his last decision to make on his own. The mood was light so I jokingly said and I’m going to fight you the whole way! 🙂
I also told him about the “pickle” I got myself into and not knowing if I should or should not bring up rings and he said I should have just said something to him and I agree. We have a pretty fantastic communication style and we can discuss the hard things without hitting below the belt.
So that’s where I am at! Hopefully I will have a proposal update soon!