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Awe I am sorry the ring talk didn't go well!
Maybe he was just having an off day and was argumentative for the sake of being argumentative!
Does he not believe in the symbolism of an engagement ring?
Hopefully you can bring it up again soon!
I am a big proponent that you should let the guy take the lead when it comes to bringing up the wedding/ring. I think even "joking" comments can feel like a lot of pressure, and if he is ready, he will bring up wedding talk (which you can then move into ring talk). One day, FH just out of the blue asked if I could come look at rings with him while we were cuddling in bed. It was great because I know he was ready because he took the lead, and we really avoided the awkwardness of me bringing it up when he wasn't ready to talk about it.
I would just bring up a real conversation with him, then. Explain to him like you were going to that you don't need a big/expensive ring, but that it's important to you.
I honestly felt a lot like your BF before getting married and geez now I love weddingbee. I'm still not into rings but I at least appreciate what people are talking about now. I think you could fit in what you want fine in that conversation even agree with him (if you do) and say that's why i just want something that's my style but still is a ring that signals to others that I'm committed to my husband.
@MrsMartin: He's not really the argumentative type. I agree with some of his points and we laughed through the entire conversation, so it's not like it was "bad," per se, but just kinda disappointing.
No, he understands what a ring symbolizes and has made the comment that if he guys me a ring he expects me to wear it all the time. (I've been married before and rarely wore my ring after the first year.)
@MsMini: I get your point. Really, I was telling him about my day and a co-worker who got engaged and about her ring. II did feel like it would allow me to mention what I want in a very sideways way by saying simply, "I personally would prefer an aquamarine," just as if a friend got a car and I said, "I would perfer "X" instead."
I feel like it's important for him to know that I don't need something that costs a zillion dollars. He always wants to do more than he can. I would not want to "let him do his own thing" if that gets him into debt (which would then be our debt! lol...) or wait for a zillion years for him to save enough to get what he *thinks* I would want so, it's really hard to just sit back and not try to hint to him. But, obviously, that's what I need to do. lol...
My FI once said something along those lines (although not after an anti-wedding tirade) about why we need a ring and blah blah blah... I had to shut that down right then and there and tell him that the ring might not mean anything to him but it did to me and to everyone around us and that however materialistic it seemed, I wanted one. He never made that kind of comment again... I think sometimes men (well, people in general) don't really think about what they are saying and how other people might feel about it.
I think you should talk to him about it. If he reacted that strongly, maybe it's something that's been weighing on him and a discussion would prove helpful.
Even though my ring was expensive, and I sometimes feel bad that my FI spent so much money on it, when I think about how long this diamond will be in our family for I know it was SO worth it. Thinking about a future granddaughter using my diamond in her engagement ring makes me feel so connected to my future family. I love it.
I actually had a coworker tell her then-boyfriend that her diamond solitaire engagement ring had to be no less than 1 carat. I used that story on my own BF as a segue into saying "people can be so superficial--can you believe it? She should just be happy and grateful that she found someone she loves who loves her back and wants to spend the rest of his life with her!" I truly believe that, and saying it let him know that I care an awful lot more about the committment and the relationship than about the ring size. Maybe you could try saying something similar after he's had some time to settle down again? That way you could then go into saying something like "I swear, it seems like most women want a diamond--and the bigger the better!--but I'd much rather have something like an aquamarine. It's much more me and besides, I don't need a big, expensive ring when it means I get to be with you for the rest of my life!" Either way, I hope things go better the next time you talk about it!
You know about a year and 1/2 before the mister proposed our friends got engaged at my family beachhouse. On the drive home he said she didn't look surprised at the ring. To which I said because she picked it out. He then told me he wanted it to be a surprise and made comments similiar to what your BF said. So I thought our realtionship was a goner for sure! Then about 6 months later while walking through the mall we went by this clothing store. I said I'll take one of everything they have. And laughed, he said Well you are marrying a pilot and we are broke so don't get your hopes up! I couldn't believe my ears because of our previous conversation. About 3 months before he proposed he asked me point blank what shape diamond do I want. That's when I told him I wasn't sure I wanted a diamond. So hang in there. I think it is good that he's talking to you about weddings in general. And he'll figure out what to get you and what you like. Mine did and he did a fine job! I got an Aquamarine halo! It is beautiful!
@MissLoveBird: I completely understand the feeling. First time around I had a nice, pretty diamond and sometimes I felt a tad guilty. This time I just don't need it. The thought of a family heirloom is nice. I wore my great-grandmother's wedding ring in my first wedding. It was over 100 years old! Just happens I don't want a diamond this time. I'm confident if I take care of my aquamarine (no matter what it costs) it, too, can be something passed down for generations.
@Vintage2010: Your story is inspiring! I'm really hopeful for the chance to mention that to the Boy.
I've decided that if/when the topic is there I am going to be pretty direct with telling him my preferences, but I am not going to just bring it up independently because I don't want him to feel pressured.
Hmmm your dream ring and mine are two in the same!! i of course brought it up to M, early in our relationship (sort of okay i want to be married) back in June he brought it up to me saying that he wanted us to get married soon (mmm-kay that was what five months ago?!) i asked him his ring budgets etc and i started finding great rings, which i had done in my previous relationships. that didn't work for him. he wanted to do everything on his own, so i asked him for a blue stone with a halo setting. i am still concerned that he wouldn't be able to pick it out etc but i also emailed my mom. it may be cool if you said something like omg i saw this lady today and she had on the prettiest engagement ring i had ever seen. it was aquamarine and had diamonds around it. i think that's so much pretty than a diamond stone. and then leave it at that.
@crebre80: Aww... we're e-ring twins! lol... I think I may actually tell his BFF (who is a girl and who I am also friends with) and send her a picture or something so that she can tell him. For sure, if he's going to start ring shopping she will be one of the first to know! I actually want her to be one of my BM's if the time ever comes.
@curlydreamer, have you seen vintage2010's ring yet?! OMG! it is stunning and beautiful!! i bet you'll get yours first lol!!
@crebre80: If it's in the aquamarine ring section then I have. Maybe we'll both get ours at the same time. Or else you'll be first since you already made the enagement chicken and I just got the recipie today! lol... *runs off to stalk the ring threads to find vintage2010's ring*
I'm sorry about that!!
I used to just say, now and then, "If I ever get engaged, I don't want a diamond ring." I don't think you need to really come up with a whole story to ease into the subject. Just say it point blank. Guys are not good at subtle, usually.
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I wanted to let the Boy know that I do not expect a huge, expensive rock for a proposal -- been there, done that. I really want a simple aquamarine halo for many reasons.
Last night I figured I would bring up the subject in general so I could then let him know that what I'd love since it's not the typical diamond e-ring. I make SIGNIFICANTLY more than the Boy and although he's generally okay with that, I know that the whole ring thing will be an area where his man-ego might be hurt feeling like he won't be able to get something I will love, so I felt like him knowing that might put him at ease and be a gentle push. lol...
Anyway, long story shorter, I started the conversation joking about a co-worker who got engaged. It was totally natural and not like an obvious "this is a hint" conversation. Unfortunately, before I could throw in anything about how I don't want a big expensive ring he went on a tirade talking about superficial people and the whole consumerism associated with the wedding industry. He finished the conversation by saying "why can't someone's commitment just be enough?"
So, now I feel like I can never bring up ring talk, and just feel pretty blah that everytime he seems into the idea of marriage stuff later he finds a reason to put it down.