Post # 1
Hi Ladies- so some of you may have seen other threads I have posted in regards to upgrading. My FI has offered to upgrade ring for quite an unusual reason, so let me explain quickly. Basically his parents decided that they did not like the amount of money he was going to spend on my engagement ring, so being the people that they are, they e-mailed him a large college loan that he was originally not responsible for the same week he was going to buy my ring. This forced him to either wait a longer time to propose or slim down the budget on my ring, of which he chose the second option. Now don’t get me wrong, i LOVE my ring, but right after getting engaged I got some very snobby comments of my ring being “small” (my original is a 1ct). This of course upset FI knowing that he could have gone a bit larger had his parents not thrown this loan on his lap. Fast forward a few months and his parents decided they would take away the loan since he spent what they thought was a more reasonable amount of money on my ring.. how nice of them…
So today I went to the jewlery store to pick out my new diamond- FI was very generous and gave me an extra $5k to spend, I found this beautiful 1.32 carat round that faces up the same as a 1.4-1.5 carat, but as the jeweler was writing up the slip I told her I had to think about it because I started having second thoughts. It is a lot of money and I do love my original ring, but at the same time I feel like every time I look at my ring I think of how his parents had control over it. I am really torn on what to do.. see the pictures below and tell me what you think I should do or maybe what you would do if you had been in this situation! thanks!
Pic 1- new ring on left- old ring on right
Pic 2- new ring on bottom, old ring on top
Post # 3
Well, ultimately it’s up to you and your FI. Don’t upgrade it because you think other people think it’s small. I’m sure my .61 ct wouldn’t even warrant a second glance from those people- those are not the kind of people who you should let get to you (although I know it’s hard sometimes).
FWIW I think your original ring is gorgeous and a beautiful size on your finger. But if this is something that you and your fiance want, then by all means for it. But do it for the both of you- not anyone else.
Post # 4
@bkm0826: I actually really love your original diamond. It’s lovely, and looks wonderful on your hand!!! 🙂
Post # 5
I agree, you’re current diamond is a great size on your finger. Plus, I don’t see a huge difference between the two diamonds, I mean I can see a difference, but maybe not enough to warrant giving up the sentiment attached with the current stone.
I can’t believe that some people are go quick to judge a ring size. First of all, 1 ct is nothing to look down at! Plus, depending on the quality, some can be upwards of 10k – in no way does that warrant being looked down upon.
Sometimes I think society gets too caught up in being materialistic, I mean those snooty people putting you down have no right. I mean, how do they know that you didn’t elect to put more away for investing or paying down debt (which is what I would recommend doing with that $5,000). When we are all retirement age, what are they doing to wish they put emphasis on, a big diamond or saving away for the future?
Post # 6
5k is a lot of money for such a small trade up. You do what you think is best, but 1 carat is a great size! Think about all the things you could do with 5k!
Post # 7
It looks like the diamond in your original ring is nicer quality. It could just be the pics. Do you know the specs of both stones? Don’t get me wrong, they are both gorgeous, it just looks like the smaller one sparkles more! It would make sense that the larger one reflects less light, since it’s cut shallow, which is why it faces up like a larger stone.
I think you should do whatever makes you happy. If you love the second ring, go for it! But do it for yourself, not because you received classless comments. There will always be someone with a bigger, more expensive ring. A carat is certainly not small, plus it looks like a great size on your finger!
Post # 8
@bkm0826: It seems really silly to buy a siightly larger diamond for the sole purpose of people thinking it’s small? I don’t hear YOU saying you just REALLY wanted a larger ring– I hear you being worried about what other people think. And that just makes me sad for you.
You original ring is beautiful- and honestly, unless you hold the 2 up next to eachother– I wouldn’t be surprised if those same people didn’t even notice the upgrade- which is what you seem to be concerned about.
My suggestion would be to keep your original ring and put the 5k towards the college loans so you and your FI can move forward financially.
Post # 9
- Wedding: July 2014 - Prague
I am frankly baffled by this dilemma. Your ring is BIG. It’s gorgeous. I simply don’t see why you’d even want anything bigger.
Post # 10
@Sanvean: the clarity on the new one is better and they both are triple excellent cuts- it may be that the larger one is a tiny bit shallower, but in real life they sparkled pretty much the same- when side by side the only difference you see between my current diamond and the new one is size i just don’t know if all this money is worth it and i’m the type of person to be like yes an upgrade sounds fabulous and then see all the prices and be like ugh what am i thinking?!
Post # 11
@MrsEME: to me, it is not what other people think, it was that my FI was pissed that his parents told him multiple times that he was lucky that he would be debt free after college and then when he wanted to buy my ring they gave him this massive loan as they saw the ring as “frivilously spending his money”.. then on top of that he had to hear numerous people tell me it was small and he feels bad about the entire situation being that his parents ended up taking away the loan after he purchased the ring and spent what they wanted him to spend on it- he wants me to upgrade but i am not sure that it is what i want to do which is why i am so torn right now
Post # 12
SCREW THEM UPGRADE IT. My FI’s parents can be controlling so this also hit a nerve with me, but seriously, that is just sick. Totally upgrade. Don’t wear a ring where your whole life you’re going to be upset because someone got manipulative.
But also, seriously…think about how you feel about the parents manipulating your FI that way. Maybe he SHOULD pay the loan just so that they could never hold it over him ever again if they don’t “approve” of a grown man’s choices, and you can upgrade later.
(Also I’d consider going even a little bigger, just to see more contrast with the other one and so that you can ALWAYS feel proud. My diamond was an heirloom but I diamond shop for fun a lot, and personally I might just sacrifice clarity a little bit to go bigger. Because I’m classy like that.)
Post # 13
I don’t think size-wise the difference is worth the money but I am all for clarity. I would only upgrade if the clarity of your current stone is something that bothers you, though. I definitely would upgrade in that circumstance. Otherwise, use that money and go on an amazing trip-the memories will last as long as the new stone and you will still have the original!
Post # 14
@PromiseRooster: thank you for understanding where I am coming from! this more has to do with his parents trying to control everything through money and I want to be able to take back control… in fact FI is STILL paying most of the loan even though they took it away because he said he guarantees it will come back to haunt him later.. they have not offered to help at all with the wedding BUT i guarantee if they do that 3 years from now they would be ridiculous enough to send us a bill to PAY THEM BACK.. their entire lives revolve around money and that’s the only way they know how to punsih or discipline their children.. it’s sad but i don’t wanna be the one to get the shit end of the stick because of it.
Post # 15
What if they throw the loan back at him if he purchases this upgrade? Will he be able to afford to pay it off?
I think $5k is a lot to spend for a ring where there seems to be very little difference. Your original ring is gorgeous and not ‘small’ at all. I personally would not upgrade.
Post # 16
It sounds like it would make BOTH you and your FI feel better to upgrade it.
I would certainly hate to look at my finger and just see his parent’s meddling in our lives. I would also hate for my SO to look at my finger and see something “lacking”, something he is not 100% happy with.
Take him to look at the diamonds with you and see what he thinks. I think that by making this decision together you will either 1) Both choose a new ring that you love together or 2) Both choose your original ring, thus gaining ownership of it and liking it much more.
Also, just thought I’d add that this is one of the best ever problems to have! It’s so fun that you get to go shopping for a new diamond, even if you don’t buy it in the end.