- Blog
- Bios
- Boards
- Classifieds
- DIY
- Gallery
- Vendor Reviews
- Shop Weddingbee
Weddingbee boards
I could not agree with you more. I think all the restrictions that are placed on pregnant women are a bit ridiculous. Really it's all about using common sense and doing a little bit of independent research. I try really hard not to judge other people's decisions regarding pregnancy and parenthood, as long as they aren't doing something obviously stupid or abusive, my philosophy is to live and let live. I think that each and every one of us should take the time to educate ourselves and make the best and most informed decisions that we can... but it's also important to also listen to our bodies and our hearts.
I agree with you. There needs to be more education and less "ohh, so and so is doing this!"
SIDS is something that I think people hold onto because it is so so scary. R's little cousin died from SIDS and it's just.... awful. To say the least. So I think there's this huge panic surrounding it.
Snaps! I couldn't agree more and I don't even have kids. Please start a blog. I'l follow you :)
I TOTALLY agree. The things that "they" warn pregnant women about are SOO ridiculous. If these things were really so bad, and so dangerous, why aren't there millions upon millions of people suffering from the repercussions of "soft cheese", salami, and wine consumed by their poor, ignorant mothers? Pregnant women have been enjoying those things from the beginning of time, so why isn't our entire population over the age of 20 suffering from FAS??
I think a lot of this advice is to try to avoid the guilt that women feel when they have a stillbirth or when their two month old dies from SIDS. You can dismiss almost any of the cautions people give you, right up until something happens, and then you never forgive yourself.
I think that doctors put out a lot of information that people simply ignore, pregnancy is just looked at as different because you're not just endangering yourself. But nothing is illegal, just ill advised. But women still choose to ignore it anyway and smoke and drink and play on trampolines. Just like people choose to ignore advice about weight and heart disease management. I'm not really bothered by all the info. To each his own, and everyone makes the decisions that they can choose to live with.
ADD: FAS has been a known complication of drinking while pregnant since biblical times. Drinking a certain amount during a certain time period of the pregnancy will give your child FAS. It's not a risk, it is a cause and effect, one will cause the other.
Why can't you eat lunch meat or soft cheese when you're pregnant?
@lnewbiecici: Listeriosis. Soft cheeses, undercooked meats, deli meats, etc., are more likely to harbor listeria. For most healthy adults, it's a danger, but not deadly. For pregnant women and their babies, it's a nightmare. It's all about weighing the risks. Was I likely to eat something contaminated with listeria? No. But it was a lot easier for me to just avoid it for a few months and not worry so much.
And I'll agree that it's easier to be brave when you haven't seen the amazing amount of things that can go wrong. I had a troubled pregnancy, birth, NICU stay, etc. To me, it was important to know that I did everything reasonably within my power to protect my babies and keep them safe and healthy. It's a judgment call. I was cautious before all this happened. Now, after the NICU stay, I'm even more cautious. And we definitely kept the babies away from other people/germs as much as possible. My son was born with underdeveloped lungs, and was at serious risk for illness/infection (somewhat premature twins).
All of the recommendations aren't gospel; but they're worth serious consideration and exploration.
ETA: Not sure what the SIDS thing was about? We just made sure the babies' cribs were clear of blankets, plush bumpers, etc. Again, for us, not a risk worth taking.
@newbiecici - You can get Listeria which can cause miscarriage or stillbirth. Only 2,500 people in US get it every year, but they tell pregnant women to avoid all things that could be risky. It's very frustrating because so many things could contain listeria bacteria.
yes, I am surprised when people give up lunch meat, etc, but why not take less than a minute to microwave it? for me, it's worth the very minor inconvenience, and doesn't mean I let "them" overly work me up
The reason they believe the risk is higher for pregnant women is because your body turns down your immune system when you're pregnant so that you don't attack the fetus. But this also means that you could get sick easier. That is why you aren't supposed to change the kitty litter, because you are at higher risk of contracting toxoplasmosis from the poop. You aren't supposed to eat lunch meats or soft cheeses like brie and feta because most are unpasteurized and could contain listeria. You don't eat sushi for the same reason. When you're pregnant, your body is less likely to recognize and attack this bacteria, even though it would be quite easy if you weren't pregnant.
If you did contract one of these illnesses, you probably wouldn't die, but your fetus very likely would or would develop secondary illnesses or birth defects from the illness.
I agree that most things in moderation are OK.
But I personally won't be taking chances with SIDS. Our 7 week old sleeps on his back at night...
@MrBee: SIDS scares me A LOT because my cousin died from SIDS. We are laying on the back as well! Also we aren't laying her on anything soft like the couch to nap.
I should add that this is not to attack anyone's personal choices about what risks they feel are worth taking (like I said, I abstained from alcohol during the entire duration of my pregnancy, but ate lunch meat all the time). I actually intend it as an affirmation for all of you, to know to trust yourself and that you are smart enough to make rational decisions and not just tell yourself you can't enjoy anything during pregnancy.
My main issue with SIDS is that the risk has been blown so far out of proportion that people are waaaaay too neurotic about it. If we tried to put Norah on her back in her crib to sleep, we wouldn't have slept more than 45 minutes since she was born. Now that we have her on a sleep positioner between us in bed, we are all getting a lot more rest. Again, it's about weighing the risks and deciding what is right for you. We never intended to co-sleep, and I was terrified to bring her into our bed until I read a lot about SIDS and co-sleeping. To be honest, Mr. Bee, I wish we could get her to sleep in her crib, though!
When I get pregnant, I'm sure I'll be completely paranoid and terrified, but my sister slept on her front when she was a baby. She was born with a minor form of Spinal Bifida, and she had a very serious operation on her spine when she was 1 month old, so there was no choice but to have her sleep on her front. She also...and this is no joke...came home from the operation riding in the car in a cardboard box! She couldn't be placed in a car seat at all for a month after the operation, so the only way to get her home was a box. We actually had a special document from the hospital saying we couldn't have her in a car seat in case we were pulled over by the police.
I'm not a mom and I don't know anything about kids so feel free to disregard anything I say....
But this seems to be the trend. I mean think about the way our parents grew up vs. how we grew up vs. how we raise our kids.
My parents tell me that when they were kids they used to play with mercury in science class and sleep in aspestos sleepers. When I was in school they closed the whole place down for two days because a tiny area of aspestos was exposed from the walls!
I think that progress is good because it does make our world safer... but we also can't live in a bubble. Kids who grow up in sterile environments end up with more allergies, etc. As you say... everything in moderation. I hope when I'm a mom I can strike a balance between creating a safe environment and knowing when to tell my kid "rub some dirt on it." :)
@bamm: OMG, a cardboard box! That would be so scary!!
My DH was surprised to hear that you place a baby on their backs because traditional logic used to be to place babies on their stomachs! He argued with me about it until we saw my OB. Then he got the talk and a brochure. (SIDS rates have been cut in HALF since the new recommendations have been pushed!) Still, it's funny how in the space of five years, knowledge can flip completely around!
amandopolis - We learned a lot from a baby nurse about how to train your kid to sleep well in a crib! And in general, how to sleep without being held all the time... omg that was exhausting.
I agree that most things in moderation are fine but I would draw the line at SIDs and alcohol. Alcohol can cause serious neural tube defects and severe complications for baby - I mean why take the chance? Same with SIDs, as Mr. Bee said, their are ways to train your baby to sleep on it's back.
I think as physicians we do become very risk averse. It's not to try and scare anyone, but rather to keep people making informed decisions. Everyone needs to decide for themselves, but they need to be empowered with the information.
What does drive me nuts sometimes is that it is couched to pregnant moms as "have tos" not "risks"... I think it's because they are trying to convey complicated information to the lowest common denominator.
Everyone ultimately has to make the decisions that are right for their family, and it's really not our place to judge unless someone is doing something blatantly risky. But then again, I'm much more of a "live and let live" than "mommy wars" type. For example, as a pediatrician I always encourage parents to have the baby sleep on their back, but if the family is at wits end, I simply discuss the risks of poor head control and tummy sleeping and let them decide. The important thing is that I tell them.
This is one of the reasons I love my ob-gyn. She is incredibly balanced and fact-based. Which means her list of things that I am restricted from is pretty small - she in fact believes that sushi eaten from a reputable restaurant is perfectly fine. She focuses on the science vs. the outside tiny possibilities of which there are so many that we would basically have to live in a bubble to avoid them all. That said, I have heard enough from other pregnant women that I am still scared to eat sushi or a few other things that are on her cleared list!
The only meat I ate for 9 months was deli meat from subway and I also got drunk once during my pregnancy. I will blog about it. Complete accident. It was 2 weeks before I delivered. Someone served me spiked punch at a BABY SHOWER. BIATCH!
I also ate sushi a couple of times and drank Soda at least once a week. My first OBGYN (i eventually moved on to another one) told me that all those rules are BS.
@DWBride- Listeriosis can kill your baby, so I'd put that up there with alcohol and tummy sleeping. The point is not that there are risks, but that we're never made aware of how risky the behaviors are. A glass of wine just isn't going to cause a neural tube defect, particularly late in the third trimester when all the baby is doing is gaining weight, much like a turkey sandwich in all likelihood isn't going to kill your baby.
@MrsDG- Thanks for weighing in! And, EXACTLY-- when I was in the hospital for my gallbladder, all the risks and benefits of the surgery were discussed with me multiple times, but when I was pregnant I had very little say in my care, and was basically given a big packet of lists telling me what I couldn't do. Unfortunately, I think the net effect is that I am a lot less trusting of my doctor...
I think the important thing to remember is that even when you are pregnant/a parent, you are still a person, and your needs AND desires are still important. I think the expectations we place on new and expectant mothers re the sacrifices they must make are unfair. No, it's not hard to give up alcohol or deli meat individually, but when you have a whole pile of foods and activities you should avoid, it does become difficult, particularly when you're just avoiding the minute chance that something might go wrong. I just wish these things were presented to pregnant women differently, so that I wouldn't get the stink-eye from every other woman in the cheese aisle when I pick up a wedge of brie at 36 weeks...
Off-topic, but... We did back-sleeping with the twins, who had some issues. My youngest was perfectly healthy from day one, and slept terribly on his back. We got an AngelCare monitor, put him on his belly, and he went from sleeping 1-2 hour stretches to 7-hour stretches THAT NIGHT. Best $140 we ever spent.
Again, he had no health issues/concerns, and his crib was cleared of everything, super-firm mattress, in our room, etc.
I totally agree. EVERYTHING in moderation, IMO. You can only be so realistic about risks and whatnot.
I mean, really. I refuse to live in a paranoid bubble for 9 months... Some things are definite no-nos, but I'm not going to avoid every. single. thing. that *could* have bacteria. Yes, I will still eat steak, a sandwich, frozen yogurt, I will still work out (my mom is in shock) but i WILL keep my heart rate under 140. I keep all those in moderation now anyways.
Also, what percentage of American women are unhealthily obese? Pretty sure being very overweight puts your fetus at a high risk also. But no one says mum, right? I bet there is no stink-eye at the grocery store when they buy donuts. But, heaven forbid you eat a damn turkey sandwich right? All I know is when I was dating my ex, his sister was SO overweight her doctor told her it was DANGEROUS to get pregnant. Everyone encouraged her to lose 100 lbs first, including her husband and parents. She got pregnant anyways. But somehow, *that* is different, right?
PS that reminds me of the episode where Phoebe craves lunchmeat when she's pregnant even though she's a vegetarian and chows down on a turkey-salami-pastrami-pepperoni-roast beef sandwich while Joey's making it for her =]
I really like Avocado's outtake on it. If someone ever says something to me about it, I'll be ready with a nice, friendly (read: snarky) comment right back that puts things in perspective.
With my oldest daughter, I did everything humanly possible to be the ideal pregnant woman. I ate right, I choked down the vitamins, I avoided smoky places, I did EVERTYHING to a T. And my daughter still had complications. Seizures, respiratory problems, and needed a blood transfusion at birth. She was in a NICU for 2 months after being born. Now, she's hearing impaired and autistic. I have spent so many days and nights trying to figure out if I did something to cause it with reckless behavior or something I ate or did....I don't know.
My son was another example of doing everything by the book. The only thing I did adverse with that pregnancy was I ate A LOT of chocolate cake and cocoa puffs. I kept telling myself, I just don't want to go through having a sick baby again. My son was born early and passed away. Again, I racked my brain, what did I do. The guilt was excruciating.
By the time I get preganant with my youngest daughter, I was pretty well jaded. I figured whatever will happen, will happen. I ate what I wanted, I skipped a lot of vitamins (yay Flintstones vitamins), I worked in a frickin' casino (with every smoker in the state), I ocasionally had a sip of wine later on, I didn't take the bedrest my doc said I could have (he thought I might want to milk the high-risk pregancy thing). I just lived and waited for the baby. And I had zero complications with this one. Everything worked like clockwork.
When I get pregnant again, hopefully in the next two months, I am just going to relax and enjoy the baby baking. I know my body will tell me what's right and, at this point, I trust my instincts. I agree that there are some things that are just silly not to consider when building a human. However, even the best intentions don't mean things will turn out perfectly. And sometimes, even though it's not fair, woman who are complete degenerates get to have big healthy babies. Mother Nature, go figure.
EDIT: I am in no way saying anyone here is a degenerate. I mean in the large scope of humankind.
I feel like many doctors treat pregnancy as a disease in this country. For any of you interested in learning more about how our healthcare system treats pregnancies, watch "The Business of Being Born". GREAT flick.
I'm just glad there are other women out there who feel like I do about pregnancy: that you don't need someone to tell you what to (or not to) eat or drink, how to sleep, how to sleep, how to exercise, or how to take care of yourself. We as women need to trust our own instincts, and have more faith in ourselves and our ability to be good mothers.
Kudos, amandopolis!
This is a great post!
Starlet, I am so sorry for your loss, I cannot imagine how you felt after one troubled pregnancy already, then your son, and then to have a normal pregnancy. It is amazing how things happen in life.
I am always afraid of the cheese thing, but then I read the labels and the feta I buy is pasteurized, so I thought why is it such a big deal? The thing is, most doctors have to communicate these things to us in order to avoid a lawsuit. It's like was said before, the communication is to the masses and the lowest common denominator, and you will still have people who abide by every rule and have troubled pregnancies. It is all about moderation and being smart in your choices.
You have no idea how happy I am to read about women eating deli meat...I was trying to avoid it due to nitrates because I eat is almost EVERY.SINGLE.DAY. and now I realize it is all about the freshness level. I will also think about nuking it but man, there is nothing like a Boar's Head sandwich when you want one!
I'm a scientist and in the pharmaceutical industry and I like it when we are informed of potential risks of eating raw foods and things like that in moderation when you are pregnant. I think the hype with the H1NI, is an excellent example. Take if for what it is. There are risks to everything and I think the good thing now a days is getting that information. Media is trying to scare everyone when they hear of a case where one infant dies because of so and so disease. It is better to be cautious and know about it. Then not know about it or to hide it.
I like it if a doctor does tell me I should do something because if he hadn't, maybe I wouldn't think twice about doing it. I guess it's easier for me in my industry to be able to research and find compelling data to agree or disagree with something.
I know that the media can start a mass histeria based on studies that are not scientifically 'sound.' But I would hope that doctors would see this information and read about it before telling you you should do this or that.
@flbeachbride, thank you. Life is pretty amazing sometimes. I certainly didn't mean to morbid (I was worried after I posted that it was too much), but all that is a fact of my life. I think the whole thing makes me a better mom and a better person. I love that every one of my pregnancies have been such different experiences and I am looking forward to being pregnant again with a sense of calm and well-being that I didn't have before!
Black coffee is, I think, the hardest thing for me to cut back on. Always has been. I would drink it like water if I could and if it weren't so bad for my teeth. My husband has been encouraging me to cut back, but I drink it like other people drink soda (which I don't really care for). The funny thing is, I have a friend who is convinced that caffeine is so super bad for a baby and gave me a whole lecture about it, but she smoked through both of her pregnancies. To each her own!
@Starlet, I am so sorry for everything you went through and thank you for sharing your story. It helps to know that we shouldn't feel so responsible for any little thing that goes wrong.
@Dumpling- someone got you drunk at your own baby shower? That is insane. Let us know when you blog about it! (I don't read the blog anymore....)
I appreciate knowing what the risks are, but I do wish there was more of an attitude of "Evaluate the risks, use your common sense, and do what works for you," and that we didn't feel compelled to police eachother on it. And I also wish that there was more honesty from doctors about certain practices that they do in order to avoid lawsuits. My OB told me I had to be on external fetal monitoring during my labor, which is NOT proven to help, but can actually interfere with labor as it is more difficult to move around. I asked him why, and he said, "Honestly, if I don't have you on that constantly, and something goes wrong and I miss it, and your baby is born brain-damaged, you can tell me all day now that you won't sue me and I won't believe you, because you're going to need the money to support your special needs child." Ok, yes, he was covering his butt... but he was at least HONEST with me about it.
My risky behaviors... I had sips of alcohol when I was pregnant, during my third trimester, and I'll drink a bottle of beer now WHILE breastfeeding. My baby is happy, healthy, and alert.. to the tune of wide awake at three in the morning! I really don't think it affects her.
Also, she's two feet long and her crib is about 5 feet long, and my husband and I have ONE room to share between the three of us at his parents house. Until I figure out a better way to store them, there are cloth diapers being stored in the opposite end of her crib from where she sleeps. She can't even roll over yet, there's no way she's going to propel herself to the other end of the crib to smother herself on those diapers.
@December: Your line about policing each other really hit home for me! I think that people feel obligated to protect the FETUS and completely ignore what the mother feels! I think the phrase "it takes a village to raise a child" has got people thinking they should start before it's even born. I think it's rude in general to admonish someone for something that is "unhealthy" and I would NEVER tell anyone to stop smoking or eating fatty food just because it's bad for their health. (With the exception of high-risk behaviors and addiction, but that's a whole other thread!) I just don't see why someone thinks it's ok to tell YOU what you should do! I can say that I believe drinking during my pregnancy may hurt my baby, and so I will not do it. But I would never walk up to another pregnant woman and yell at her for having a beer! That's just wrong, IMO.
You must log in to post.
| Visit our sister sites | eHarmony Online Dating |
eHarmony Advice Dating Advice |
Project Wedding Wedding Songs |
JustMommies Pregnancy Calendar |
Create the honeymoon of your dreams.
| User | Posts Today |
|---|---|
| MissBoPeep | 52 |
| hisgoosiegirl | 38 |
| Mrs.KMM | 36 |
| ndreighton | 36 |
| beargoose | 34 |
| akp0702 | 34 |
| BetterSherm | 31 |
| Beckster329 | 28 |
| Gemstone | 27 |
| KatNYC2011 | 25 |
| User | Posts Today |
|---|---|
| roxy821 | 2 |
| hergreenapples | 1 |
| Jenn23 | 1 |
| Gabrielle123 | 1 |
| BayStateBride | 1 |
| totheislnds | 1 |
| shimmerofheaven | 1 |
| Mrs Sarah McK | 1 |
| rachiecakes | 1 |
| Running Elley | 1 |
I was reading the abstaining from alcohol thread and it just reminded me how upset I was during my pregnancy about all the warnings and lists of foods and activities we have to avoid. FWIW, ladies, there is very VERY low risk that anything bad will happen to your baby even if you eat lunch meat and soft cheese regularly (like I did) throughout your pregnancy. The same goes for occasional consumption of alcohol, cured meats, and sushi. I have major problems with the way doctors treat pregnant women in this country. As my mommy blog hero, Amalah, put it:
"we're somewhere between ultra-valuable and delicate Ming vases and complete hayseed dumbasses who can't be expected to understand concepts like "pasteurization" so they tell us just to avoid "soft cheese" even though the texture of the cheese has NOTHING TO DO WITH IT....A lot of the warnings seem to be based on the idea that women aren't responsible enough to understand MODERATION."
Basically, we're given a lot of confusing, contradictory misinformation and then forced to turn to message boards and the internet to make sense of what we hear. I've seen posts on other boards with women asking if they can eat cream cheese and if their shampoo is pregnancy safe. I'd suggest doing a lot of research on your own and finding out the actual risk of contracting listeriosis/rate of fetal alcohol syndrome and making a decision about what to consume based on your own comfort level. For example, although I feel that a glass of wine every now and then is ok during pregnancy, it was easier for me personally to abstain totally (hard to stop at one!), but knowing that the odds were against my contracting listeriosis, I felt ok indulging in a spicy italian from Subway when I was *really* craving it.
It's just astonishing to me how risk averse our society has become. And it doesn't stop after the baby is born. Don't even get me started on SIDS. And if you feed your baby anything other than breastmilk people act like you may as well be pureeing big macs and serving them up in a bottle. I've seen other new moms on other boards say that their pediatricians have told them not to allow anyone other than mom and dad to hold the baby. Can you imagine telling your mother she can't hold your baby?! Better safe than sorry, or, worse, "The most important thing is a healthy baby," have become mantras among pregnant women and their caregivers, but we've carried it to the point that we're totally neurotic and obsessing over little things that probably don't really matter or make all that big of a difference in the long run.
Vent over.