Post # 1
To preface, my fiance and i are paying for our wedding by ourselves. We are in our mid thirties, his parents are retired, mine are divorced…. just didn’t make sense to ask either side to pay.
So we budgeted for 160 guests — at the inistance of his parents, we invited 200 because they swore up down left and right that most of those people that we just HAD to invite weren’t attending. Well guess what, they ALL HAVE RESPONDED yes.
Fine. My mistake. I should have never invited them to begin with.
So, becuase of our ever growing guest list, I was adamant about no plus ones unless people were married, in a long term relationship or didn’t know anyone at the wedding (co workers turned very good friends). Fiance agreed. Then today he tells me that his “boys” are all bringing dates. That he okayed it.
Again, I’m FUMING.
first, Their invitations didn’t have a plus one. Second, I don’t want to be meeting random people on my wedding day…. random chicks that in few weeks most of them won’t even be dating anymore.
But most importantly, WE CAN’T AFFORD ANYMORE PEOPLE.
I love him. But I want to beat him.
Anyone else having this issue? Any advice on how to handle in a loving manner?
I want to call all of his friends and say that FI was mistaken, please adhere to the invitaiton regarding plus ones.
Is that rude?
Post # 3
Your FI already told them it was okay. It would not be right of you to undermine his aiuthority and call them. If anything, he would need to call them to take back his offer, but I still think that would be rude.
Post # 4
@somerrae: even if their invitation says “we have reserved 1 seat in your honor” ?
I mean, there are literally 13 “boys” so that’s an additional 13 people. I’d almost rather be rude.
Post # 5
Make your FI call them back and tell them that you’re overcapacity and unfortunately cannot extend plus ones after all. He was the one who told them without running it past you, so he’s the one who can tell them now.
Post # 6
I agree with @somerrae: . It’s too late now; the cat’s out of the bag. It would be rude and would only start a fight with your FI.
Post # 7
I disagree with letting this slide! Tell him to call all his “boys” and let them know you are way over guest budget. His boys are there to support him and the marriage, not for you to pay for thier dates! It’s not too late, let them know that it was a mistake.
Post # 8
HE needs to call HIS boys and explaine
13 extra people = a lot more money…. infact you really have 40 extra guests (since you didnt think all would come) then an extra 13 so 53 people you were not accounting for adds up to A LOT!!!!
Post # 9
Does FI realize the TRUE cost per person here? 13 extra people is two extra tables, two extra sets of linens, 13 extra favors, 2 extra centerpieces, 13 extra meals and drinks for 13 extra people, plus appetizers too. Price it out, add on the sales tax and gratuities and show him the TRUE per person price and ask him where the extra money is coming from now that all those extra people his parents wanted to invite are indeed coming to your wedding!
An observation I want to share: you rolled over on inviting “all those people” who you were promised weren’t going to attend. Now you are being expected to roll over on 13 more. Where is FI supporting YOU in all of this?
It doesn’t seem like you guys are on the same page. Not only do you have close to 40 extra people you must now host (the ones who wouldn’t come), now you have 13 more.
I really encourage you to sit down with him, go over the true cost per person, ask him where all this money is coming from, and most importantly – why isn’t he backing you at all on this stuff?
Post # 10
@hermom: your response was WONDERFUL. (and I stole it for my defense rebuttal… yay!)
And FI called his friends and told him that he made a mistake.
No more pluse oooooooooones.
Post # 11
@bone1080: Awesome!! So glad it was helpful. I think guys truly have no idea what the price tag is on each person for a wedding. They think the meal is 30.00 (Hey, we live in midwest US, we don’t have to pay crazy catering costs if we don’t want to!!) and think that is it! Well, where I live, 30.00 is really 38.16 with tax and gratuity and doesn’t drinks, favors, invitations, postage, centerpieces, linens, etc.
Once you can show the bottom line to guys, they usually have that come to Jesus moment and totally rethink inviting everyone they have ever known!
Good luck to you! Sounds like you ARE on the same page now!