Post # 1
My FH’s family is throwing a bridal shower for me, which is very sweet. But they did not talk to me about the guest list. They did not include my mom or bridesmaids, but have invited people that my FH and I did not invite to our wedding.
I have always thought it was rude to invite people to a shower that aren’t invited to the wedding. But now that my future in-laws have already invited them, we’re not sure what to do.
Post # 3
They didn’t invite your mom or your bridal party??? Did you talk with your F-ILs to see if your mother/the BM’s not being invited was an oversight?
Post # 4
@rachaelrobin: I should clarify that my F-ILs live far away, so their shower is for people who can’t make it to the shower thrown by my family. My bridesmaids also live all over the country, so I do not expect them to make it to more than one shower. But, you’re right, an invitation would still be nice and greatly appreciated.
Post # 5
It’s not proper to do, however it’s not your faux pas. You aren’t hosting, so don’t worry about it. It’s not like you can uninvite them or ask your FILs to uninvite them. Also I think this is a rule of etiquette that a lot of people ignore because friends or whomever want to be involved in the wedding or the celebration but can’t attend the wedding (it’s in another state or something) or aren’t invited (not enough money or space).
I would just smile graciously, say big thank yous, and write a lovely thank you note as soon as you can after the shower. It’s your job to show them you appreciated their company and presents. Leave the rest of it to your FMIL.
Post # 6
This happened to my FI and I.
My FMIL threw us a surprise e-party and invited about 100 people. We initially planned on having an 80 person wedding including both sides. So that really put us in an awkward positions.
So because of that we kind of just sucked it up and are now inviting a total of 180 people. 100 from his side and 80 from mine (my mom pulled the whole “well if he has 100 people why can’t you have 80 people).
So basically we both just sucked it up and didn’t want to cause any drama and just decided to invite everyone and cut costs on other things instead.
If you don’t want to do that, just tell your FI to tell your FMIL that you guys can’t invite everyone.