Post # 1
My mother, who has been VERY involved in wedding planning, wants to walk me down the aisle with my father. My parents have been divorced since I was 12, and while I have always been very close with my father and he was very much involved in my life, I lived with my mother and she did most of the day-to-day raising. She feels that there isn’t any role for the mother in the ceremony, and since the walking donw the aisle is the symbolic transitioning from your family of origin to your new family, she should be represented as well as my father. While I understand her perspective, I think that if you start to unpack every tradition in a wedding and take them literally, there are a lot of things that I would be doing differently, but we’re having a very traditional wedding. I have a great relationship with my father, and I know that walking me down the aisle is a really important thing for him (for father’s day, all he wanted to do was go out to the venue with my and my fiance and practice walking me down the aisle. He kept saying ‘this is every daddy’s dream’.)
So I’m trying to think of a role for my mom in the ceremony that would make her feel honored, but not have to share that moment with my dad. My step-dad is already doing a reading, and I feel like if we had her do a reading that would be too unbalanced on my side of the family (there’s really no role for the groom’s parents at all). Any other thoughts?
Post # 3
@LorettaB: Our wedding was on Saturday and we did a rose ceremony for our mothers so they got a little love and recognition. They were both so happy and cried like babies.
Post # 5
My fiance and i are adding a part to the ceremony where you say thank you to both mothers and present them with a gift. It was originally meant to be a rose as the gift, but i think we’ll give them an actual gift like a piece of jewelery.
I’d never heard about it before our celebrant mentioned it, but it looks like it might be something fairly common:
Post # 6
@LorettaB: I got walked down by both dad & mom — LOVED it, love the pics. But we also had our moms be the witnesses on the license.
Post # 7
@LorettaB: I got married yesterday and my mother escorted me down the aisle with my uncle. She also played a role in the unity candle portion by lighting my candle as his mom lit his. We then lit the unity candle together. It made the mothers feel special.
Post # 8
You could have her hold your bouquet while you exchanged rings. If you have her lean/step up and take it and move back it’s a subtle thing but important.
I had my dad hold it, but it wasn’t planned. He “walked” me down the isle but it was a tiny wedding and with him in a wheelchair in a backyard, he didn’t go far, just off to the side from us as it would have taken too much work/time/attention on him (which he didn’t want) to get back to everyone else. I hadn’t even thought of what to do with the bouquet, but at the time it was “oh, ah… Oh! Here hold this!”. He just grinned. And I worried about him feeling awkward, he doesn’t like it when he isn’t “able bodied” but it doesn’t really show (he has MS). He’d made a big deal about how he’d be in a wheelchair at the time and I insisted I didn’t care if he was ok with it. I don’t know what I would have done otherwise, everyone else was a good 20 feet away lol.
Sorry, didn’t mean to thread jack! Just an idea with a little back story. 🙂
Post # 9
@LorettaB: Will your officiant be asking “who gives this woman…” etc? I know I’m not having that at my ceremony, but if you do…
You could have your mom meet you and your dad at the end of the aisle so that when the officiant asks, your mom can be the one to say “we do”. This way your dad is doing the “symbolic” giving away by walking you down the aisle, but your mom is giving the actual verbal blessing.
Post # 10
@SkyChick: I hadn’t planned on it, but I think maybe we could do a version of that question and have my mom say ‘her father and I do’, instead of the traditional ‘her mother and I do.’ Definitely want different wording than giving me away though.