- 3 years ago
Hey everyone, I could really use some advice on a problem we might have on our wedding day.
My fiancé was adopted as a toddler along with his older sister and younger brother. His parents adopted all 3 kids after their biological mom decided she could not raise them and took them to an orphanage. They lived in the orphanage for a few weeks before they were adopted.
Fast forward about 20 years later and my fiancé’s older sister tracked down their bio mom and all three kids met her. This was about 10 years ago, and since then my fiancé has had a decent relationship with her. He totally appreciates the decision that she made because he knows he would not have had the blessed life he has if it were not for his parents adopting him and raising him the way they did. His parents are loving, generous, and stable people and they gave all 3 of those kids a better life. His birth mom is pretty flaky- she has lived all over the U.S., been married multiple times, and has never held down a steady job (she describes herself as a ‘spiritual healer’).
His mom isn’t too thrilled about the relationship that has developed between her kids and their birth mom over the past decade, but kind of approaches it from a “don’t ask, don’t tell” perspective. However, one of the first questions she asked after we got engaged was if the bio mom was going to be invited.
My fiancé and I talked about it and we decided that she will be invited but treated as a normal guest (i.e. no “mother of the groom” privileges or anything like that). His mom supports our decision as she understands it’s our day and does not want to cause any drama.
However, the problem I am anticipating is with his birth mom. She has recently started to refer to herself as my MIL and is so excited that her “son” is getting married and that her “family” is growing and blah, blah, blah. I haven’t said anything to her about any of this, but I don’t want her to expect to come to the wedding as anything but a guest. I do not consider her my MIL and quite honestly find it strange that she even makes these comments.
How can we delicately tell her to tone down those types of comments during the wedding? We just don’t want her confusing other guests by calling herself my fiance’s mom. And we definitely don’t want his mom’s feelings to be hurt by any of these comments as well. We don’t want her to think that her role of ‘mom’ is being challenged by this other woman.
I don’t think that his bio mom is doing any of this to be vindictive, but rather she is honestly clueless and doesn’t understand how this could be perceived. Any advice is appreciated!