Post # 1
I keep seeing posts about the role of the Maid/Matron of Honor and the BMs and how it’s just supposed to be to stand by the bride’s side. Perhaps I’ve been taught differently, but I actually thought the MOHs and BMs roles far surpassed that. Here is what I think the roles are:
Maid/Matron of Honor: plans and hosts both the bridal shower (although recently, I’ve noticed family members do this) and bachelorette party; attends all wedding-related events; attends dress shopping appointments and/or first fitting appointments; attends Bridesmaid or Best Man dress shopping appointments; coordinates with all BMs for everything wedding-related; helps out with whatever she can whenever necessary (any DIY stuff? she should be there for that, etc); stands by the bride on the wedding
BMs: attend all events; help out if possible, although completely understandable if it’s not as much as the Maid/Matron of Honor does
And, I’ve always thought that MOHs and BMs were responsible for their own attire, hair and makeup and that if the bride wants to pay for any of these things, that’s just a really nice plus.
I’m a Maid/Matron of Honor now and have been a Bridesmaid or Best Man before and in all the weddings I’ve been in, this has seemed to be the norm.
What does everyone else think??
Post # 3
“…attends dress shopping appointments and/or first fitting appointments; attends Bridesmaid or Best Man dress shopping appointments; coordinates with all BMs for everything wedding-related; helps out with whatever she can whenever necessary (any DIY stuff? she should be there for that, etc);”
These I don’t really agree with. My sister is my Maid/Matron of Honor and she didn’t come to my fitting appointments. And I have no intention of coming to hers. I think the brides should coordinate with the BMs and Maid/Matron of Honor for anything wedding related. I think the Maid/Matron of Honor should only be expected to coordinate the shower and bachelorette party. And I did a ton of DIY and I would never have asked my BMs to help. It’s stuff that I wanted to do, and they shouldn’t have to burn their fingers on a hot glue gun because I wanted some fancy little favor thing.
Post # 4
@hotchildinthecity: if the tables were turned, wouldn’t you do the same for them?? i feel like that’s what friends do for each other! do something for their friend that they might not necessarily want to do or agree with because they know if the tables were turned, that friend would do the same for them?? i feel like i follow the “do unto others” golden rule – i do for my bridefriends what i would want done for me and hope that when it comes time for my turn, they dont all leave me high and dry!
Post # 5
I was recently a Maid/Matron of Honor and I did the following:
attended all dress shopping runs-helped bride pick dress
Attended meeting with caterer and hall, helped be sounding board for advice
Helped with choosing invites, decor
Paid for my own dress and shoes
Assisted with all set up and decor of wedding/tear down/last minute errands
Assisted with running trips to florist/malls for bride
Drove girls to venue
Insisted the bride and groom have their first dance…lol..they were having a lot of fun and helpt forgetting to do it, so I intervened 🙂
Post # 6
My Maid/Matron of Honor is my little sister who lives in a different state than me. All of my BMs will be out of state too. I won’t be expecting any of them to help out with any wedding stuff. (I’m probably too much of a control-freak to delegate anyway.) However, if I was a Maid/Matron of Honor or Bridesmaid or Best Man I’d be super excited for my friend and would want to help out as much as possible, but I don’t think it should be expected. I find that friendships get ruined when a bride expects their Maid/Matron of Honor and BMs to basically take on a part-time job. I think being part of the wedding should be an honor and represents the closeness of a friendship.
Post # 7
@futuremrsk18: I would help my friends with DIY because I enjoy crafts. However, I know my friends don’t like stuff like that, so I know I would be forcing them to do it. And they would do it in the name of friendship, but I just don’t think they should have to.
Post # 8
@hotchildinthecity: I can understand that, then. That’s very nice of you not to force them through something they don’t enjoy. But seriously, who doesn’t love crafts????
Post # 10
@fivemonthsnotice: I want you as my MOH! hahahah
Post # 11
@GroovyHippieChick: lol i know not everyone does, my friends dont all love it either, so i was just joking, but that’s not the point of the post, so let’s not get sidetracked, please!
Post # 12
Honestly, I think the involvement depends on what the bride wants and what the girls want. If you need them to be there for you more, I think you need to let them know when you ask. I think this is what causes the posts saying “MOH is MIA!” and “Bridesmaids letting me down.”
Personally, I had them more for sounding boards and they helped me stuff invitations. That’s all I wanted! I’m waaaay too controlling, LoL! In lieu of the Bridal shower, I asked them to co-host a couples shower with the rest of the wedding party. It was a blast! One of my mom’s friends hosted the Bridal Shower.
Post # 14
It all depends on how much help the bride needs, and who else she has around her to help. A lot of the things that people say are the MOH’s duty, I personally think are mother of the bride things? I just told my friend, “whatever you want, I’ll do it” and I did, and I loved it. I’d like to think I was supportive for her, but reading the huuugeee expectations of some brides make me think I was a terrible MOH!
For me, I’ll be happy if my BMs are there for me on the morning of the wedding, and bring wine to calm my nerves!!
Post # 15
The bride and groom are responsible for wedding planning. If the bridesmaids or groomsmen ask to help with DIY, setup, etc, that is a great bonus, but is by no means required.
Showers and bachelorettes are gifts to the bride, and like all gifts are not required. If MOHs/bridesmaids decide to throw these parties, they should plan what they can afford and the bride should be graciously accepting. Yes, the bride can give input (spa day, night out, no strippers, etc) but cannot, for example, throw a fit if she wanted to go to Vegas and the Bridal Party can only afford a night in a close-by city.
The bridal party is responsible for attire purchasing. The bride may pick it out, but only after getting budgetary info from each party member individually. If the dresses go over someone’s budget, the bride should pay the difference or choose a different dress. Shoes are up in the air. If it is something a bridesmaid is likely to wear again or have in her closet (i.e., bride gives a color as a guideline) that is fine, but if the bride requires something very specific, she should pay.
Hair and makeup are the bridesmaid’s responsibility if the bride allows them to choose between professional styleing and personal styiing (i.e. doing it themselves). If the bride requires pro styling for hair or makeup, she foots the bill.
Post # 16
some people are not thankful at all. and should remember that TRADITION and REQUIREMENTS are 2 different things.