- 6 years ago
- Wedding: April 2016
I’ve realized that me and my SO have completed switched roles when it comes to being expressive about wanting to get married. Let me explain….
We’ve been together for a little over two years. He said I love you first, after about 4 months, and I didn’t say it until about 5 and a half/6 months in. I liked him from the beginning, but he’s a little younger and I was skeptical about how serious he was about a relationship. So it took me a little more time because I was being cautious about my feelings. About 9 months into the relationship, he started telling me he wanted to marry me. I would just listen, smile lovingly, and give him a hug. I was delighted! But I would never directly return the sentiment. I just wasn’t there yet. But that didn’t stop him from constantly telling me he knows I’m the one he wants to marry, and that he wants me to be the mother of his kids.
It didn’t hit me until about a year and 5 months into the relationship that this was the man I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. He had proven to be everything I was looking for in a husband, and also consistent in my life. Of course when I had this epiphany, I started thinking about us getting engaged and started looking at rings on my own. (I had never looked at rings in my life and knew NOTHING about diamonds! That’s how I knew it must be serious.) Not until about 3 months after my epiphany did I start bringing up talk about marriage, rings, and getting engaged with him. I had assured him that he was the one I wanted to marry, but up until this point I hadn’t talked about details. I think it took me 3 months because I didn’t want to let on exaclty how excited I now was about the thought of marriage. That can scare a guy away! So, I slowly began to talk about and show him rings. And to my surprise, it didnt scare him. He willingly went with me to look at a ring I liked, and would comment on pictures online I would show him. This period of me being expressive about engagement and marriage went on for about 3 months.
A couple months ago we had some serious conversations about getting engaged, and he gave me a timeline. Since then, I have barely brought up the topic. Mainly because I am fairly at ease that engagement is where we are headed, and because I don’t want to pressure him.
Fast forward to today, two years and two months into the relationship….and I’ve noticed that he no longer gushes about marrying me and having kids with me like he used to or with as much excitement! Don’t get me wrong…he still brings it up from time to time. (Just today when he came home from work he kissed me and said “It’s you and me for the rest of our lives, right?”) But not nearly as frequent and with as much enthusiasm as he did back when I hadn’t expressed the same feelings. I feel like maybe he’s not as expressive as he used to be because marriage has beome real. It’s not just a dream for the distant future or something he can just talk about, the ball is in his court to make it happen!
Our roles have completely reversed! The less I expressed wanting to be engaged/married, the more he talked about it. Now the more I talk about it the less expressive he has become! I see exactly what has happened, but I have to keep my feelings in check. I feel like if I talk about it too much he’s jusy going to keep it inside more and more.
Anyone else find themselves in this predicament?