- 8 years ago
- Wedding: July 2010
My FI and I have this bad dynamic going every time there is some kind of romantic event:
1. I form expectations about what I would love to happen if my sweetest, most romantic dreams came true.
2. Then, either
a. He doesn’t know the event is important or does something half-ass that totally fails to meet the expectation. I feel hurt and neglected and unloved. He’s bewildered and feels like I’m not being fair.
b. To avoid the above situation, I tell him exactly what I want him to do. This either causes a fight because I’m being too demanding, or it means that whatever it is, the gift, or whatever, didn’t come from HIM, but from myself, and so it’s ultimately unsatisfying.
3. We fight because we’re both frustrated and unsatisfied.
I know the best solution is to stop forming expectations, but for things like my wedding and proposal, I can’t help imagining these things ahead of time. In the long term, every day situations, I can change my expectations, so I don’t think this is a relationship-ender. But for things like these that happen once in a lifetime, I don’t want memories of disappointments and fights!
Does anyone have a solution?