Romance gone?

posted 3 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
132 posts
Blushing bee

@lovelymuse:  I hope not! FI and I are ring shopping together because I am picky, and I think I’d rather know I’m getting a ring I love, then let FI choose on his own and have us both disappointed by my reaction. He is absolutely darling, but his taste in jewelry doesn’t quite match up with mine 🙂

Even though I am going to know about the ring, FI is keeping the proposal a big secret (trying to, at least…I am determined to find out so I can have my nails done!). He won’t tell any of my friends about the proposal, although I hear on the grapevine that he is telling his guy friends he is proposing next summer.

In my humble opinion, not knowing about the ring isn’t makes a proposal romantic. Even knowing about the proposal in advance doesn’t take away from the romance. Romance is the realization that this person you love more than life itself – a person who has weathered storms with you, fought for you, worked so hard to make you laugh – this is the person who is looking into your eyes and saying, with all his/her heart “You are the one I want to spend the rest of my life with”. It doesn’t matter if you know about the ring or proposal in advance – the moment that will make your heart thump loudly, and your eyes well up … that moment is created by your FI, and you, and the love you have together. When he holds your hand, and smiles at you, and tells you that you are the person he wants to be with forever, that is true romance.


So…don’t sweat knowing about the ring. Romance is in the love and life you create together. 


Post # 4
2052 posts
Buzzing bee

@lovelymuse:  SO and I talk aboug getting married a lot…but we’ve never been ring shopping.  I’ve been trying to use the law of attraction by locating my favorite ring and posting all over this site hahahahahaha!!  I’M SO ready haha!  

I say this because I don’t think it takes the romance out of it at ALL.  Isn’t it exciting, to have a man you love and wants to marry you back, and takes the time to talk to you about it, makes sure that you like what he wants for you and can afford…IDK, to me, this is a different kind of engagement, a romantic mutual engagement and not one where you are just HOPING it will happen and have no idea lol.

Have you been reading the waiting section a lot?  OMG so many women help their SO pick out the ring and that’s just part of it but there’s no proposal right away, so maybe it’s coming with a surprise when you least expect it.  Good Luck!  And Congrats!





Post # 5
2052 posts
Buzzing bee


I’m the boyfriend of a devout weddingbee enthusiast, and I must say (candidly) that I wholeheartedly reject the notion of a romantic endeavor proposed by a boyfriend willing to subject you to the pressures and stresses of choosing your own ring.  I find a conservative approach to the be an overwhelming favorite for proposals.  It is indeed an insult to your relationship and I would verify with your father that he even asked, and was  granted permission, to hold your hand, through thick and thin.  This is an abonimation to the sincere, delicate, honest, endearing, truthful, and relished process that is marriage proposal.

—Yes my SO wrote this and I thought you might want to read it—

Hang in there bee!  FWIW, my comment still stands!  Should be an interesting night in my house lol



Post # 7
2052 posts
Buzzing bee

@lovelymuse:  Hello Again, Lovelymuse!  

Here’s my update and I’ll try to keep it short.  I’ve waited for my SO to go to bed because he’s starting to get curious what I’m writing about on here and in the event he is planning something I don’t want to ruin what might be a one day surprise!

Around the time that I wrote this post, and my SO wanted in on the action (as you already know lol), I got a text from my father.  He texted something like ‘Hey whats up, I’ve been watching the Pirates’ and then immediately ‘Sorry that might have been a replay’.  At first I didn’t think anything of it and just wrote back ‘Been watching them too’.  Pittsburgh Pirates are in the playoffs this year, and I’m not really a baseball fan, my SO is and the Pirates are his team.  I remember thinking ‘Is this text meant for me?’ as my dad and I NEVER TALK about baseball lol.

Fast forward to today, Pirates are playing again, and my SO gets a text so I hand him his phone.  He checks his message, and I very slyly try to see who he is texting idk why but I just did….IT WAS MY DAD!!  Had no idea that my SO and my dad have been texting at all or had that kind of relationship lol…..

I’m trying hard to not get my hopes up but it’s a curious turn of events.  I posted on the Shut It Up pact that my SO and I talked about being methodical in our appraoch to our future, and on a different post that he’s interviewing like crazy and it looks like he’s gonna be finishing school, which is his reason for the hold up on us getting engaged.  I told him that I opened up a savings account to save for the wedding to show him I can be methodical too, now it looks like he’s building a rapport with my dad…and he’s made it clear to me and you, my new friend haha, that he will be picking out the ring himself and making it a surprise to me.  That’s my update!

PS-I still think it’s VERY romantic that you had input about your ring, and I am soooo excited to hear that your BF has talked to your father as well.  WOOHOOO!!  You know it’s coming but you don’t know when, and I’m sure it’s going to be perfect when it does.  I think that it would take the edge off a little bit because you know its coming.  I would think of it like an anniversary dinner…maybe you don’t always know what your BF has planned but you know it will be sweet and cute…the only difference is that you don’t know the day so there will still be a surprise!!  

Good luck and congrats!  And, thanks for being cool about my SO posting on here, haven’t seen that done to many times before but I’ll take it as a positive that my SO knows I’m on here, doesn’t get weird or intimidated haha!

Post # 8
980 posts
Busy bee

I don’t think it takes away the romance at all! In fact, it’s like one of the first big decisions that you make – and you make it together! How cool is that?

My SO is really adamant about keeping everything a surprise, which is totally not what I want. I’m still trying to talk him around and make him see that a surprise doesn’t automatically equal happily ever after. I would HATE to find that the ring he chooses is the complete opposite of what I want and talking about it/ring shopping is the only way to avoid that. I dislike surprises though, so that probably influences that.

Post # 9
7 posts

I don’t think it ruins the surprise.  I was quite happy to give my bf a few pointers and let him make the decision himself,  this was not what he wanted.  I know he has bought a ring and know exactly which one it is (because I picked it out). I thought he was going to propose last weekend but he didn’t,  even though he carried the ring every where with him. I think he just got a bit scared.  The fact  that I know he’s planning on doing it soon, I’m loving the excitement of it all. Unsure of when or where he is going to do it is thrilling. Don’t let it bother you knowing about the ring.  I see it as I am getting the ring I really want,  unlike some other women who hate or have to grow to like their ring. See it as a positive 🙂

Post # 10
105 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I don’t thiink it is a bad thing; I honestly think proposals are a little overrated in the scheme of events, but I know many people value it. I guess you can just hint the next time he says something that you want everything to be a surprise so he knows. I’m assuming he’s just excited about it and wants to share that with you so don’t take the wrong way– it’s kind of cute. 

Post # 11
379 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I don’t think it ruins the surprise. He wanted to make sure he got the ring that you wanted, while he was still some what able to pick it out.

I went looking at rings with my now FI and he had all the information I liked in his wallet.

Then he went and ordered the one I liked.

I’m sure it will still be very special.

Good luck

Post # 12
926 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

My (now) fiance and I picked out the ring together and I was still so surprised when he proposed, that I slammed the door in his face (

So, NO, talking about/looking at/picking out the ring together will NOT ruin the surprise, nor should it take the romance out of things!!

Post # 13
1018 posts
Bumble bee

@lovelymuse:  I actually think it’s romantic that he wanted to make SURE you’d love it, and then couldn’t pass up the opportunity to get the one you loved! Lol

Post # 14
297 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

I don’t think choosing a ring beforehand takes the romance or surprise out of a proposal. Like you, my SO and I ordered a ring online since it’s absolutely gorgeous and I hadn’t seen anything like it in the shops. To get more surprise out of it, I’m not seeing the ring before the proposal (online photos aren’t really the same as the real thing IMO!). Unfortunately I know pretty much when and where my SO is proposing, but I reckon if your guy is able to keep a secret and can plan a romantic proposal, then the fact that you know what the ring looks like doesn’t affect it at all. 

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