- 5 years ago
- Wedding: April 2018
Today has been a pretty good day, better since I got to meet up with my Mom on my lunch break! She’s probably my best friend in the whole world, and last year we went through a lot together with her health (she’s getting better!) So, I leap at the opportunity to see her whenever I can, because for three years she was so sick she couldn’t leave the house.
ANYWAY, we’re both voracious readers, when I was growing up, reading was more important than eating, and as a rule I read around 10 to 15 books a week….so, we’re in the restaurant, waiting for our food and she asks me what I’ve been reading lately, I’m ashamed to admit that my stress level allows for nothing so taxing as Tolstoy or Kerouac..so I’ve been immersing myself in totally baseless, completely meritless, romance novel smut…and I have been rutting in it like a sow in summer…She asks if I think she’d like any of the ones I’ve read, I say there was one I that comes to mind, she asks me to tell her about it…here’s how that went:
Me: You need to know that their love is forbidden.
Me: But it’s alright, there’s a sword.
Me: And our brawny Scot must quest for this enchanted sabre…however that might be hard.
Me: He’s also trapped in an enchanted mirror, which makes traveling anywhere fairly tedious.
Mom: I would imagine so.
Me: But our herioin is busty, viriginal and apparently quite adept at moving large antique furniture.
Me: So after some heavy lifting, a hang up in customs and stop through the sporting goods store, it all pretty much writes itself.
Mom: He gets out of the mirror right?
Me: Well yeah, it’s kind of this intermittent, unpredictable element of being out and suddenly trapped back in….but, I can’t imagine how they’d take care of that viriginity thing with him in it.
Mom: Well, maybe some magical sex spell…
Me: You don’t see those very often, you’d think the authors of these books would utilize the magical plot device for what it is…
Mom: A total cop out for anyone who just wants to write about two people getting it on without the hassle of explaining how they got there?
Me: And then your suddenly in a time warp watching Zalman’s Red Shoe Diaries….
Mom: Wow did those SUCK!
It was at this point, that the manager, who was eavesdropping on us the whole time with two or three members of the waitstaff start to laugh uncontrollably and he tells us that lunch is on him…awesome.