Romantic Vacation Coming Up This Weekend But I Know It's Not Happening

posted 3 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
3268 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

@KatertotATL:  Oh, dear, this sounds like me a few months ago. My SO and I were going on our third vacation to a city that was special to us, and although I didn’t really think anything would happen, I still had my hopes up in spite of myself.

Mostly, the trip was great fun and I was able to put the thoughts of maybe getting engaged there aside, until the second-to-last day. That’s when I realized that it wasn’t going to happen, and I made a couple of gaffes (in bringing up the subject and being really awkward about it). Unfortunatly, for much of our last day there, I was grumpy and sad that it hadn’t happened. My SO thought this was my usual end-of-trip grumpies (I always get a little morose the day before an especially fun vacation ends), so I don’t think he suspected. Or maybe he did, since he pointed out something (a commemoration plaque in a park, which recorded some couple getting engaged on that spot) and squeezed my hand, etc. I guess he might have been aware that it was something I might hope for.

Anyway, I think the only way to avoid this sort of thing is to drill it into your head that it is NOT happening on the vacation, period. You seem to know a number of reasons why it won’t be. . . it is depressing, but really convincing yourself of those reasons is kind of the only way to not expect anything. 🙁 

Also, thinking how you and your SO are happily together for the forseeable future, you are going to one of your favorite places, and it will be romantic and fun, are all good ways to look at it! You’re hopefully happy together despite this nagging issue, so enjoy the vacation and the special time together!

I completely sympathize with the relatives and friends wondering when a well-over-30 boyfriend will EVER propose. I am also in that situation; my SO is 41, and every time I go home to visit my parents, they bug me and make it clear that they don’t approve of the situation. It is frustrating. I guess my SO is just way too cautious about things, hasn’t really got a 5-year plan for himself, and has watched many relationships in his family and friends self-destruct into unhealthy marriages or divorce. Although there are just as many happy ones, too. In dark moments I wonder if he just doesn’t want to marry me, but the thing is he is happy to have me live in his (now our) house and help support me while I go to grad school. . . which all count for something.

Wow, sorry for the ramble. I hope you can enjoy your vacation and not get too hung up on the engagement thing!

Post # 4
Member
338 posts
Helper bee

@KatertotATL:  I would love to be able to take a trip with my bf anywhere! finances won’t allow us just yet though :/

In your situation I would focus on thinking about the progress he’s making through counseling. 

You mentioned how he’s not quite ready yet, but him going to counseling is a huuuge step.

I come from divorced parents, and I probably haven’t really told anyone this, but it does scares me to fall into the same patterns my parents did, I know I am willing to work 120% on my relationship to make sure I don’t, but it is a struggle and requires a lot of effort.

Think about how it will be  better for him to propose when he’s much further along in counseling and has done more progress with his anxiety issues.  It seems like you are very supportive of him and that is amazing, you deserve to be proposed to and have a wedding and a marriage with him being more stable, and it sounds he is on his way!

 

Post # 5
Member
1460 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2017 - Bristol zoo

I know how you feel, only last week I was able to go on holiday with boyfriend (only a short city break). So that in itself was kind of a big deal for us (me), but then it was also Italy, country of love XD everywhere just oozed romance.

I’d realised a fair while earlier that it wasn’t going to happen and felt sad as well but it’s important to just try to enjoy these things for what they are – a trip with a loved one. Sure it sucks and there were plenty of moments when we’d be looking at each other and every fiber of my body was screaming at him to propose even without a ring.

 

I just try to live in the moment, it’s really not so hard to not think about it when there’s stuff going on, but also squash even the smallest hope – as I told another bee, it’s easier to deal with the sad melancholy of being correct than the devastating realisation that you were wrong . Also I think that the fact he is in therapy is a really great sign that he *wants* to commit to you.

 

 

Not sureI’ve helped much but I hope you have the best trip ever and start to feel a little better soon x

Post # 7
Member
1896 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

The week before a romantic trip we took I went from being convinced it would happen to absolutely knowing it wasn’t. I was super bummed especially the day before we left. Once we got there, we had such an amazing time I didn’t even let the no-proposal thing sit in my mind very long. I hope the same happens for you. Enjoy the treasures of having a great man that loves you and the income to travel!! These days, weeks, months, years in waiting are still moments to make great memories! 

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