Post # 1
My SO and I had planned a weekend getaway for over a month, then at the last minute he played it like he didnt’ make an plans. He let me know the day before that we were just going to go Xmas shopping on Friday and then hang out the weekend. I called him on my way home and said I would cancel my day off work and cancel the babysitter, we could go Xmas shopping on Saturday. Suddenly, he “pulled some strings” and we were going away.
He planned a very nice weekend at a beautiful B&B, we shopped, ate and hiked in the mountains. He did a lot of work. Sunday morning I was so upset when I realized there was no proposal. I couldn’t help it….why go through all that trouble and not pop the question? I felt tricked….and I feel ashamed because it was a special beautiful weekend. I told him how much I appreciated all the plans he made and I really do. But, honestly I am so bitter right now from all his games. And let me tell you, he plays games with me. One time he pretended that he bought me a diamond, then told me it was fake and he found it. He gave it to me like it was a ring, I almost burst out in tears. I don’t care at all about the ring, I just want a committment. These tricks have been going on since May…he’s always getting down on one knee, taking my hand, then laughing, and stuff like that. It hurts!
So, last weekend he told me that we are DEFINATELY getting engaged by the end of the year. He said “You are going to be so surprised!!”. Really? I feel like the romace and the anticipation of a proposal has almost died in me. I am so sad, I don’t even care anymore. I love him, care about him and I want to be with him. But, how does someone hurt someone so often with this nonsense before they start getting cold about it?
I could never say all this to anyone, so I am posting it here.
Post # 3
@slynn777: This is definitely the place to vent about these things! From what I can tell, I don’t think some SOs understand just HOW important the proposal and being engaged is to us girls. Your SO probably thinks he’s being sneaky and fun, but doesn’t understand how badly you want to actually be engaged. My SO always used to say he didn’t get how being engaged was different than being bf/gf. I told him it was about the commitment and he said “But you already know I’m committed to you.” Yes, but being engaged tells the rest of the world (all those people always asking “When are you guys getting engaged??”) that you’re committed. So frustrating! Your SO was probably just trying to throw you off with the romantic weekend so you really will be surprised! I hope he follows through with his claim that you’ll definitely be engaged by the end of the year and it’s not another one of his games.
Post # 4
I totally feel ya! I did this to myself COUNTLESS times. Every weekend getaway or night out suggested by Fiance I’d get my hopes up that it was a proposal. Like you, I’d get upset, depressed at the end of the trip/night out when a proposal didn’t happen. Looking back, I ruined a lot of good memories.
Post # 5
These tricks have been going on since May…he’s always getting down on one knee, taking my hand, then laughing, and stuff like that. It hurts!
Whoa. That is NOT a funny joke.
Post # 6
I’m sorry things didn’tturn out this weekend, but it sounds like he is having a little too much fun teasing you with a proposal. It’s on the verge of cruelty when he is perfectly aware that you are looking forward to it. Tell him to knock it off with the “joke” proposals, thats not cool.
My Boyfriend or Best Friend can get a little caught up with teasing sometimes (not about proposals, just general stuff) He thinks he’s being funny, but he’s just being a jerk. I let him know when his sense of humour gets out of hand. It’s now a joke between us that he’s “NOT funny”. Maybe similarly, your Boyfriend or Best Friend just thinks his antics are hilarious and you need to point out that they are, in fact, not funny at all.
I think it’s safe to say that you aren’t waiting for some phantom proposal that may or may not happen. He definitely wants to marry you, so just relax and let it happen when it happens 🙂
Post # 7
I’ve told him that his jokes hurt me. He knows it, but keeps doing it. Yellowshoe, that is a very good point. I REALLY try not to ruin good times with this, but it is getting harder and harder. When he initially told me we were going to get engaged, I picked out a ring and then things were great for almost three months. Then in August things blew up and I broke down. I flat out asked him “Is this going to happen”. He kept doing his little tricks with the fake proposals and the ring thing and I lost it. After last weekend I just feel drained of my positive thoughts about the whole thing.
I am trying to avoid letting it affect our relationship but I sense it already is starting to. I feel less close to him and feel myself pulling away.
Post # 8
@slynn777: So you’re saying, he does something that hurts you… you’ve told him it hurts you and asked him to stop, and he still does it… Sorry to be blunt, but why the heck do you want to marry this guy??
Post # 9
Why are you so desperate to marry someone who knows he is hurting you, yet continues to do it? He sounds like a complete and utter jackass to me.
Post # 10
His behavior is pretty hurtful and immature.
You deserve to be with someone who is not going to jerk you around, whether for a romantic weekend getaway or an engagement proposal. To be blunt, I think you need to get the gumption up to tell him that, and mean what you say.
Post # 11
I never would have put up with that, and I can understand why you no longer feel excited towards it. Have you ever told him that this hurts you? If he doesnt stop the games with engagement, he will most likely joke around that he is going to set a wedding date with you and then joke and get your hopes up about that, too. Not funny. You have to tell him.
Post # 12
Ouch come on, I think a few of you are a bit harsh towards the boyfriend. Maybe he doesn’t know exactly how much it hurts her. The way guys make fun of each other sometimes is hurtful when I think of it. I know I’ve told Darling Husband before that ‘I’m not one of your boys so quit joking about that’ and well, he stops. I didn’t get anything from the OP that her guy is a meanie. I just don’t think she’s told him to definitively KNOCK.IT.OFF and how painful it is to her and be very very upfront about it.
Post # 13
@bRooklynRocks: She said, “I’ve told him that his jokes hurt me. He knows it, but keeps doing it.”
Post # 14
@slynn777: I’m sorry you are going through this but you are not alone. My Fiance did the same thing to me before we got engaged. He kept getting down on one knee and pretending to propose, or acted like he had a ring and then told me he didn’t. I got so upset that I e-mailed my sister and told her I was ready to break up with him because it was such a joke to him. She called him and talked to him about it, and he had no idea how much he was upsetting me. He apologized to me and said the next time he proposed it would be the real thing…and it was. So your Boyfriend or Best Friend might just not know how much he’s upsetting you and you should talk to him about it. Tell him the next time he proposes there had better be a ring in his hand!!!!!!
Post # 15
It sounds like he needs to be woken up with an ultimatum. Because clearly he doesn’t realize that his actions are totally immature and hurtful and he’s selfish for waiting this long to propose. I have a theory about men putting ‘skin in the game’ when it comes to relationships, they tend to take it more seriously when they’ve handed over a ring and agreed to a wedding. Right now he doesn’t have enough SITG so in his mind he can jerk you around all he wants with no negative effects.
Post # 16
I’m shocked to hear that he would tease you THAT badly 🙁 I just wanted to offer my support. But WOW I don’t know if I’d be able to handle his behavior. That is not right for him to “pretend” to ask you. I’d feel the same way if I were you, I’d be just as bitter. It sounds like it’s time for a serious talk. Let him know how much it hurts you.