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you are not overreacting at all!
First of all, if it is Fi's side of the family, than he or your FMIL are responsible to contact them, and you should make the request again.
Secondly, even if you were to accept the extra RSVPs, you would still need to know their names for escort cards/seating purposes.
Thirdly, how can anyone expect you to just take 3 people (who may be complete strangers!)
If your fi and FMIL are compeltely unwilling, I would attempt to call or emial yourself asking for explanation at least, and requesting that they only attend to two of them at best.
I definitely don't think you should just leave it be though! Keep us posted on how it works out.
I'm kind of in a similar situation. My one and only bridesmaid won't send back her RSVP because she's not sure of how many she's bringing with. The invite only had her and her son!! (She's a single Mom). I'm having trouble on how to deal with this. I don't want to make her mad, but I just don't have the room for this random guy and quite possibly his 2 kids!!
I agree with Latte. You're not overreacting - and your FI or his mom needs to take care of it! Adding three adults to an invite is totally bizarre. We never run out of stories about crazy behavior on these boards, now do we? Haha.
Ack! This is not the first post I've read on this topic, I don't get it - it's so darned rude! I know people probably don't realize it's rude, though. I am totally worried about this now!
I think it should become custom to mail a short pamphlet regarding wedding etiquette out with your invites. They could include sections like:
Filling Out The RSVP Card - this is a wedding, not a kegger. If you insist on bringing extra guests, please send in $200 per extra guest with your RSVP to cover the extra costs involved.
No! You aren't over-reacting. Does Fi or FMIL know who these 3 mystery guests might be? Their kids, perhaps?
If you have an idea of who they are, maybe you could attack it that way.
If FI or FMIL won't contact them, then you need to.
If you end up doing it - I would say something like: Uncle X, How are you? We were excited to receive your RSVP and are so happy you will be able to attend the wedding - but I was confused when I saw you RSVP'd for 5. (pause - hopefully they will explain who). Then, you can say - we really wish we could accommodate the extras, but we have had to limit the guest list and are not able to have extra guests. (or, we aren't having children at the wedding, etc.)
You can be gracious in the way you approach it and it doesn't have to be a 'bad' conversation. They are out of line for assuming they can invite people and it's totally fine for you to call them out on it.
@Circus Peanut - LOVE that idea! Let's work up a pamphlet for people...put it on the DIY board...so that other brides can benefit from this! Love it, love it, love it!
And to clear up who the mystery guests are...I talked with FMIL today and she said that all three of their grown and married daughters are having marital problems and have moved back home with their parents. Techinically they're kids...but not really.
I mean, who's really ok with doing something like this?!?!
I second the "being gracious but saying you can't fit other people in" option. It's just not okay for people to add on RSVP's! And I know it's going to happen and it's just not okay! I'm not even engaged yet and it's already stressing me out.
Sometimes I think people just don't get how much it costs for each person. I've had people offer to pay our 'per person" cost for extra guests... but it's never just that. Add 20% gratuity, then sales tax, extra favors, rentals, cake, the list goes in. It adds up QUICKLY.
Lol @ the kegger comment. I think you should go ahead and type up that pamphlet just got giggles! :P I'd read it for sure.
Just keep in mind, they're the ones who are out of line here. People aren't supposed to tack on guests as they please, especially if they didn't consult with you first. It's perfectly okay for you to graciously tell them you can't accomodate their added guests, you're definitely not overreacting.
My girlfriend called me last night with this same problem. She had 3 people turn in cards with extra people on there. So the total extras come out to 10 people. That means another $1500 in food/drinks to accomodate them plus another table with flowers. They are all on her side and she's asked her mother to contact two of them which are her uncles. The one is a BM and the girl is planning on bringing a date (which it was addressed plus guest) and then her two parents.
I told her that she needed to let the BM know that she can bring a date but not parents and her mom needed to talk to the Uncles. They are bringing their adult kids and their girlfriends. What?
I do think that it is rude to include others on the RSVP that people send back. People just don't get it.
Vintage2010.... What in the world is your friend serving at her wedding to be $150 per person? is this common to spend that much in Texas??
@Lacylust - I don't know about Texas but that's not strange here. Especially if you're having a premium open bar, or adding rentals!
oh that happened to us and I was so mad! I had my (now) husband call the guy and tell him he could only bring one guest, not three... some people just don't get it.
@brianalaura -WOW! Its funny how different things are all over. I think around here we are about $30 per person & thats at the high end with a sit down dinner (everyone served) and open bar. Usually you could get away with $20 per person if you do buffett style (which is pretty common here in the boondocks!) lol I need to get out of town more!
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Has anyone had this happen? And what did you do about it?
One of my FI's guests (friend of the family called "Uncle") replied late to the RSVP (but at least they sent it!) and the number attending was written as 5. There were two names on the invite - Uncle Bob and JoAnn (made up names).
How do we handle this? FI isn't comfortable calling him and asking...FMIL doesn't want to do that either...I seem to be the only one who has a problem with this response.
Am I over-reacting? Not seeing something? Do we just suck it up and take 3 extra adults at our wedding? Please advise...