(Closed) RSVP advice– are you requesting only responses from those attending?

posted 6 years ago in Paper
Post # 3
Member
2105 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I’ve never seen that, but I guess it allows people to be lazy and not respond if they don’t want to attend?  It also gets the point across that if you want your spot reserved, you’d better darn well RSVP!

Post # 4
Member
2107 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

Personally, that would have driven me crazy.  I like knowing things for sure, and not waiting to figure out if they’re just taking their time to respond. 

Post # 5
Member
1426 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

I wouldn’t do that. Some people just forget to RSVP or don’t see the need to, since they assume you know that they’re coming. I’d be questioning why if someone didn’t respond!

Post # 6
Member
5658 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2012

I think that’s a bad idea. We had a bunch of people who just didn’t bother RSVPing, but said they were coming when we called them. I like to get a yes or no answer from people.

Post # 7
Member
5075 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2012

How was it worded?

Number of persons attending ________

or something like that?  If someone is not coming they would answer 0.

 

But it’s confusing for people.  I decided to go with both an accept and decline option.   

Post # 9
Member
1697 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

No way would I have done that. It’s 3 days before my wedding and I’m having people call to say hey! We can make it after all! Um….ok… I have no room for you…lol! I did get an invite to a wgadding that had printed on the respond postcard “if we do not receive an RSVP by April 21, 2012 we will assume you are not attending.” since it was printed on the response card, I took it as don’t bother responding if you dont plan to go. The couple is kinda crass and only because of that fact I thought it to be a rude “don’t bother” but I’m sure if any other of our friends would have sent it I wouldn’t have thought anything of it! I had a running list of responses and would type in “no” the second I got a no RSVP to keep a running count of who was coming or not at all times:p

Post # 10
Member
5075 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2012

@violet25:  oh yeah – that’s really oddly worded.   I guess the people not attending would have just entered 0 in both areas but it’s confusing.

Post # 11
Member
3697 posts
Sugar bee

I saw a response card here on the Bee with something similar, “If no reply is received by [date], we will assume you are unable to attend.” At first I was a tiny bit taken aback, but I definitely see the wisdom in it and think we might end up borrowing it. Our wedding is in the city where we met and now live, roughly halfway between our families but a trip of 5+ hours for probably 75-80% of our guests. There are a lot of friends and family members, especially on my side, whom we have to invite but are pretty sure will decline. Something similar happened with my sister’s wedding a few years back, and she had a pretty low RSVP rate (like maybe a third of people replied). Putting this on the response card makes it clear that a) if you’re coming you need to let us know, and b) if you aren’t coming and don’t want the hassle of sending in the RSVP, we will just roll with it.

It’s not ideal from an etiquette standpoint – in a perfect world, hosts wouldn’t need to do it and every guest would respond promptly. But we don’t live in a perfect world.

Post # 12
Member
3618 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

We have received one invitation that was like that. It was for a distant relative of my DH so it took us a good 10 minutes to even figure out who’s wedding we were invited to. We just didn’t respond since there was no ‘decline’ option. Apparently, the girl had to facebook my SIL and ask if anyone from her family was attending. LOL. Hey, we just followed the directions…it was check a box and return with ‘attend’ or ………….

Moral of the story. Put a decline option or you may be left hanging.

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