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The proper etiquette is: for the hostess to plan a menu with her guests in mind.
"A" menu as in: one, singular -- not a set of different options as though people were eating on their own in your restaurant. Of course the hostess should know if any of her guests are vegetarian or Muslim or Jewish or on a South Beach diet or otherwise restricted, and make sure that they can find something among the dishes to eat; and proper etiquette requires that empty plates be set down in front of the guests and that they then be offered various portions of things, so that they can decline any foods that they consider harmful. The hostess needs to plan enough variety of side-dishes that no-one goes hungry even if they cannot partake of the main dish.
Now, I know that most people in the twenty-first century are so used to having choices that it's almost inconceivable that it could be MORE polite for the hostess to just decide on the menu and stick to it. And I know that the catering trade has almost lost the ability to provide Service a la Russe and that guests no longer know how to cope with formal English table service, leaving pre-filled plates the norm for most dining-out. So I am not trying to suggest that you are completely declasse for offering a choice of two different menus. What I am doing, is showing evidence that "proper etiquette" will not mind at all if you send out invitations with no food choice on the R.s.v.p. card (which card is abhorred by "proper etiquette" anyway).
See Aspasia's post for the actual etiquette rules, this is more just practical advice questions.
If your caterer requires an exact number, you would want to get it beforehand. If it's a buffet where the options can be fudged more easily, then I wouldn't worry as much. (A friend once told me that their caterer said 70% of people select beef, if that is any help.)
Normally I'd say trying to reach everyone by phone is going to be a huge hassle, but with your smaller guest list it's likely you are very close to everyone and speak to them frequently.
Calling can be a real hassle, however, the decision is really yours if you want to take on that extra job ahead of your wedding. I think that you could easily order the food you want for each table (but do consider if there are any allergies for anyone), think about maybe doing family style for that small group. Big plates of food at each table that allows for sharing... it would be a great way for people to talk. Buffets also wouldn't require anything on the RSVP. If you are sure you are going to do a chicken or beef option you can easily place that on the RSVP and just put no description of what the dishes are.
@LadySapphire: Can you call your caterers (even if you are chooisng between options, can you call both) and ask what they prefer? They may want to know specific numbers or may be OK with guests deciding that day. But I would think this is up to them.
If it's a plated sit down option you'll want to wait until you have the menu items picked. If it's a buffet, no need to mention on the invite. We are doing a duo plate of chicken and beef and then a vegetarian option. It's much easier on the caterer/us than have three separate otpions.
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So, I am making my invites (almost done! Yay!) AND I am picking my caterer. (I;m pretty sure I know who it will be, just ironing out the details) Now I will Probably have choices of chicken or beef, but that won't be exactly determined for 2-3 weeks.
I Really wanted to have the invites out next week. Do I have to put food choice on the RSVP, or just send it out, and call my guests later? Or leave it up to the day? Do I just put, chicken or beef, on the RSVP and try to make it follow through?
I'm only having 35-50 guests Max, so is it reall big of an issue?
I'm worried, cause I'm usually Highly organized, and I don't want to step on any toes.
Please please give me your advice bees! What is proper etiquette?