(Closed) RSVP card etiquette

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
1177 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I think it’s awesome, but sadly I think many people will not figure it out. 

Post # 4
Bee
154 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012 - Schloss Heiligenberg/ Spearfish Canyon Lodge

Your invitation inspiration looks wonderful! And I think that your guests won’t be phazed by that RSVP card. It’s clear that a response is required, and as far as weddings go you can either accept the invitation or decline. Moreover, the cards will be nice keepsakes for you.

Post # 5
Member
547 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I don’t hate it, but if I hadn’t read this post I would have no idea. So if I got this yesterday, I might’ve wondered if the printer made a mistake.

 

Post # 7
Member
1696 posts
Bumble bee

@vanessa7:  I like that you value traditional formality, but even with all that kindness for you bubbling up in my heart, I don’t like your R.s.v.p. cards. I’m so sorry. But you see, you are mixing styles and it is going to be confusing.

If you just put R.s.v.p. on your invitation and include no card and no self-addressed reply envelope, then yes: we few older guests who do find the patronizing contempt implicit in R.s.v.p. cards offensive will indeed be delighted. We will haul out our personal stationery and pen our polite notes on our own engraved vellum. And you would be surprised how many otherwise normal people, who don’t mind R.s.v.p. cards at all and routinely use them when provided, nonetheless know that they are supposed to write a note when no card is included (other Bees have tried this and been delighted by the result.) Some of the rest will even google or haul out their sixty-year-old copy of Amy Vanderbilt’s “Guide to Gracious living” and learn about this basic social protocol for the very first time — earning you a get-out-of-jail-free card from the etiquette police for contributing to making the world a more refined place. And the rest of the people will just not reply until you chase them down.

If you just send ordinary fill-in-the-blanks R.s.v.p. forms, most people will fill them in without a second thought, and we sticklers will throw them out and use our own stationery anyway, because we are cantankerous like that. And several people will STILL not reply until you chase them down.

But with this half-blank card, guests are not likely to know what to do with it. I am still getting the message that you don’t trust me to have decent stationery of my own or don’t want me to use it, and the guests who can’t figure out the “M_______________” are still going to be turning this one over and over in their hands. And you’re still going to have to chase people down about their replies.

Best of luck with whichever option you choose — and of course you know that I would recommend the first! 😉

Post # 8
Member
882 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I love blank RSVP cards. I’ve received them for many weddings, and knew what to do. I think your guests will figure it out, and respond accordingly. But for your own peace of mind, number the backs of the RSVP cards just in case someone sends one back without a name you’ll know who it is. 

 

I think they look great! 

Post # 9
Member
1177 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@aspasia475:  haha love this reply. (but I’m still sending response cards.)

Post # 10
Member
11352 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

@vanessa7:  It’s good that @aspasia475: commented on your post.  She is, by far, the Hive’s foremost expert on matters of etiquette.

Because I had a friend whom I knew would not want to see a response card or envelope, and because I also was concerned that my other guests may be confused by my not providing the now-common response card and stamped envelope, I decided to send these items to everyone else on my list except for this friend.  She, of course, knew to send a note on her own stationery, kindly accept the invitation.

Post # 12
Member
1022 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@vanessa7:  mine is on a folded card. so all the info for them to give me (name and count) is on the outside cover, then they can open it and write in it. maybe try that?

Post # 13
Member
31 posts
Newbee

I think people will figure out that at the very least they need to send the card back to you, but be prepared to laugh at some of the crazy things people write on there!! Hhaha

 

That said, I am an old fashioned etiquette stickler, as is my mother. We just ordered our wedding invitations last week, and my mother flatly refuses to include a RSVP card in the envelope at all, because she says to assume that guests need you to pre-write and stamp their reply card is insulting and treats them like children. We added a line to the invitations that says “the favour of your reply is requested before the fifteenth of December”. While I agree, I anticipate having to personally call about 85% of my guest list to get a head count (only a handful of her equally strict relatives will understand I’m sure). It is sad that people have lost the understanding for the way things should be done. My motto is..do what you think is right, but be prepared to have people ask you the 20 questions. When people call to ask me, I will say…Oh, just send my mom a note and let her know your plans, she is handing the RSVPS, her address is on the envelope. GOOD LUCK! 

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