Post # 1
I need some advice on how to deal with an issue involving an RSVP I received last week. Our guest list has already far surpassed the numbers we had in mind and we have really tried to keep it to people we both know and really want to have present on our special day. I received an RSVP from one of my fiances best friends last week. The invite was addressed to him and his girlfriend who lives with him with both names on the envelope. She RSVP’d stating that she will not be able to make it to the wedding and that he will be bringing her sister as his date instead. Now, there are a few problems with this:
1- She was not invited, 2- Fiance went to highschool with her but neither one of us really knows her nor wants to (I have only met her a couple times through mutual friends and have disliked her from the moment I met her) 3- She has screwed half the wedding party and none of the guys nor their better halves are interested in seeing her (apparently she is one of those crazy ex types) and avoid her at all costs. Bottom line, no one likes this girl, especially myself as I once witnessed her drag married men back to her place for a late night after party.
How do we tell his friend that he can’t bring her to the wedding, in a tactful way, without stating the reasons above. I don’t want to offend his girlfriend as this is her sister but there is absolutely no way I will allow her presence on our wedding day!
Help! I need to respond to this RSVP asap as this is stressing me out big time!
Post # 3
If the friend won’t know anyone at the wedding, I’d say to let him bring the sister – but it sounds like he knows your group of friends?
It’s annoying when people put you in these awkward situations. I would call or email and say (probably more tactfully) that you’re sorry the girlfriend couldn’t make it since you were really looking to celebrate with her and due to budget/space/guest list constraints, it was really meant as a personal invitation to her and not for any additional guests. Then maybe mention how much fun it’ll be to see him and some of the other people you know in common so he knows there’ll be other people he knows there.
Post # 4
I agree that you should address it with her – don’t encourage bad behavior by letting the sister come. I agree with bmore, just phone call to him or her (whoever you are closer to) and explain that you are trying to keep the wedding guests to people you know best and that the invite was intended for the two of them. Explain you’re sorry you’ll miss her, but the four of you should do something together soon.
If your fiance is better friends with this couple, or if they’re on his guest list, he should be the one to make the call.
Post # 5
I still don’t understand how people think that they get to decide who comes to your wedding instead of you. Even if the sister was a wonderful charming person, it would still be rude to just inform you she was coming, instead of asking if it would be ok. That fact that she sounds like a walking ball of drama is just icing on the cake. Your FI should call and say you’re sorry that girlfriend can’t make it, but the invite was for him and her, not him and guest. You have a limited number of invitations, and you’re afraid that you already have a waiting list of people to invite as people rsvp no, and that’s how you’ll be using girlfriend’s headcount. Apologize for the confusion (just to be gracious), make plans to get together before/after the wedding, and be firm. This a lucky circumstance where what you want to do (prevent the drama chick from coming) happens to be etiquettely correct!
Post # 6
Thanks ladies! I’ve talked this approach over with my fiance and he will be making the call this weekend. The good thing is there are a couple of his other buddies who will be flying solo as well so I’ve asked him to suggest that he buddy up with them, we’ll make sure they are all sitting at the same table since they all know each other 🙂
Post # 7
Ugg. With the way that sister is, maybe the girlfriend shouldn’t trust her sister with her boyfriend, at a wedding. Geesh.
Hopefully it will go over well. But if he doesn’t want to come alone, and just ends up declining, don’t hold it against him. (I’m just curious if his girlfriend brought it up as something for her sister to do, and he went along. Or if he is uncomfortable going alone, and will otherwise not go.)
Post # 8
agree with the other posts, you should definitely just be direct and give her/him a call… just reason with them, let her know that you’re disappointed she can’t make it, but explain the reasons why her sis wouldn’t be a good substitue, esp with the comfortability of other guests/wedding party.