Post # 1
I need some assistance with two issues 🙂
The first is that we invited 139 people and (a week away from our RSVP deadline) we have only received 46 responses. We plan to call people beginning the day after the deadline to confirm things. The question is whether or not we should call the people who have ‘verbally’ RSVPed. For example, two girls at my shower yesterday said ‘See you at the wedding!’ but haven’t mailed in their replies. So would you call everyone and when you do, is it appropriate to ask people to reply by mailing in their cards or taking their phone verbal reply?
Second, we have had some family drama about not having kidlets at the wedding. I was verbally told that those who couldn’t bring their kids wouldn’t be able to come. Afterward, my FMIL told them they needed to either consider a sitter or not, but to stop pressuring me about bringing them. I’ve not received any of their RSVP cards yet – is it premature to ask if they have made arrangements or a decision?
For reference, I will have to have paid for my catering bill and have final numbers by October 8th.
Post # 4
I had this issue too–and at some point I just accepted the verbal replies because it was clear those cards weren’t coming back. what blew my mind is that people weren’t even apologetic about it, they were like “Yeah, I know I didn’t mail my card. What’s your problem?” Seriously.
About the kids, I would still ask them after your deadline. Just a cheery “we haven’t gotten a response from you, and we just need to know either way!”
Post # 5
I would call everyone. FI and I made it a point to have everyone mail in their RSVP’s! I didn’t want the blame to lay on us if someone got forgotten due to us forgetting a verbal rsvp. Plus it’s not very hard to put a card in the mail that already has postage!
We aren’t having kids either, and we just don’t even mention them. When we called people who hadn’t rsvp’d and had kids we simply asked if John and Jane were going to make it or not. No mention of the kids and if they brought it up we simply said oh well let us know when you if you have arrangements for the littles if not we’ll miss you on the big day!
Bet of luck, the no kid thing is so annoying to keep getting pestered about.
Post # 6
I would call everyone that hasn’t sent in the actual RSVP; just to be on the safe side. As far as the ones with kids, I would call them too. They should have made arrangements by now. I would call the ones without kids first, just in case you change your mind (you are coersed) about the no kids rule.
Post # 7
I’m sort of in the same boat. My deadline was Saturday and there are still a few who haven’t replied but I know that they are coming. I’ve delegated some of them out to people. I asked FMIL to get in touch with those on her side and same for FFIL and I have checked/reminded with people via Facebook or text and told them to get their replies in!
Two of my cousins (second cousins!) included their kids in the reply. Totally irks me because I did not invite the kids. I mean the kids are my third cousins! But since we’re not over our capacity, I’m just going to leave it alone. If we went over, then I’d have to call them and tell him.
Post # 8
Thanks for the feedback! I do plan to start calling people this Sunday (which our deadline is Saturday the 2nd) because I have to have my final headcount paid for by October 8th.
As for the no-kids thing – we have been dealing with a lot of drama regarding that issue and have come to the conclusion that if someone says they aren’t coming if they can’t bring their kids, then we will politely say we are sorry that they won’t be able to make it. Done.
Post # 9
The no kids rule, does it also apply to out of town guests? What if someone is coming from CA for your wedding and they have two small kids. Does it also apply to them too? Just wondering because I’m going to be facing that decision VERY VERY SOON 🙁
Post # 10
I personally think if you have a no kids rule, it applies across the board whether people travel or not. Otherwise you are going to have some guests feeling a little sore when they see others with kids knowing they could not bring their little ones and had to make arrangements.
For out of towners who are not leaving their kids at home and insist on travelling with them, you have two options. One, you can foot the bill for a sitter in the hotel or a play room at your venue. Two, you can recommend some good services offered through a hotel or area sitting service. Either of these being presented to people makes it crystal clear that they should not show up at your wedding with their children.
Good luck, it’s a tough issue.
Post # 11
I would start calling people just so you will not miss your deadline and drive yourself crazy. I completely understand the no kid rule, we have the same rule for our reception. Call everybody who hasn’t physically RSVPed with a response card and let them know that this is it- no changing their minds because you have a deadline to make.
Post # 12
@canadianbacon: Oh, that’s a good one. Well, I’d already determined that I was having 10, that’s it. If your kids don’t make the 10, that’s it. And I won’t feel bad about telling them that we already have 10 and if a space opens up, they are it. I’m a bit older and I do things my way and I’m paying for it damn it!
Post # 13
@bRooklynRocks: I made 5 exceptions. All of them were out of state travel and they are the kids of either my siblings or out of state wedding party. My MOH is flying in with her hubby and two kids from Texas (to Seattle) and paying for a hotel, airfare, etc. They are 6 and 8 – and are also my godkids. The more I thought about that, the less I wanted to exclude them. I originally was NO KIDS and have now allowed her to bring them along. My older brothers are going to bring their boys as well.
@canadianbacon: Actually I agreed with you entirely on this point, but there are plenty of folks who do not want to leave their children with a sitter they don’t know (even if it is my very good friend’s mother whom I would trust with my own life/future kids). The venue has no room for a play room. We called the line on out of state – and yes, some people are pissed off, but those people are family who have been nothing but trouble for the last two months. I’m just at the point where I don’t care anymore. Our friends have all been super understanding.
Post # 14
I’d say you can start asking people as soon as your deadline passes.
And if it helps, we’re not having kids at the wedding either. We’re preparing ourselves for backlash.
Post # 15
@Gemstone: Yeah, backlash happens! I’m not thrilled with the few we are having, but at this point I’m over it.
Post # 16
hey hun, i know how rude people can be with not rsvping!!! It’s unbelievable!
I’d personally wait until the RSVP date, then start calling. It’s terrible that people haven’t bothered, but seems to happen to everyone.
That’s ok that you don’t want kids there.. I guess just be prepared for those coming interstate, that they may not come as it’s a little hard to get a babysitter. Perhaps you could organise a babysitter to come to your house or friends house for the day to look after anyone coming with kid issues.
good luck 🙂